As background, I’m married with 3 children, and my brother is on his own with none. In case it’s relevant we have no other siblings. To avoid future questions … DB had no physical / learning disabilities, has a very well paying job, and has very few outgoings - so no cash flow issues.
Usually, at birthdays and Christmases, my parents ask me what my kids would like, and I send a number of links of options (at different appropriate prices) and the kids would get something from that list from my parents, and something from my brother (ie their uncle). Sometimes I sent the links to my dad and sometimes to my brother too. I assumed that DB had bought the ones from him, and DDad the ones from my parents (as my mum’s not particularly good online).
My dad passed away last year, and my kids didn’t get any birthday presents from my brother. Totally no issue - was a difficult year, we had things on etc. and it obviously got missed.
At Christmas, DM asked me as usual and I sent some links. She asked me to buy some of the ones for her (which was fine) and she gave me the money. Again - no issue - she’s not great online and don’t expect her to trudge around the shops. She also asked me to buy the ones from my brother and said she would give me the money. I sort of wriggled out of it - but presents turned up in his name. It turned out, she had bought it them, but it felt like she’d done as she’d being passing the shop and it would have been unreasonable for her not to just to pick up herself. Again - all good and not my problem.
So, now it’s birthday time, and my mum’s staying with me. On her request, I helped her buy presents for my son, and she asked me to order a present from DB. I said I’d send him a link and he could order it if he wanted. She said I was being unreasonable and unhelpful and that I should be buying it and she would reimburse me, and he would reimburse her. To me this is utterly insane - there’s no reason whatsoever why he can’t to it himself (or not buy any present if that’s his choice) - but for me to be the bad one for not taking on my brother’s “wife work”. I’ve said if I did that - I’d be as well just buying it myself as the ££s aren’t what’s important.
Of course I’ve now twigged that it’s been my DDad buying the presents on DB’s behalf all along and he’s probably never actually bought one himself.
Surely if you want to buy someone a present, and you’re a middle aged man with no issues you can put some form of effort into it - even if it’s just clicking a link?
IN SHORT… DDad used to buy birthday presents for my kids on DBs behalf. DM expects me to pick up that role. AIBU in thinking DB should either buy a present for them himself (or not - REALLY don’t care) and that it is insane that she expects me to buy the present, and for her to reimburse me, and then (possibly) him to reimburse her.