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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To revoke a gift!?

33 replies

Quangoquandry · 20/06/2022 09:03

It was a friend's birthday at the weekend and I was planning on giving her tickets to a concert as a present.

There is a bit of a back story in that she has done a few things to annoy me in the last few months: was coming to stay the night at mine after an event and while I went out to grab some food (for her) she rocked up at my house and drove into my (single) allocated parking spot meaning I had to park on the road, tried to get me to pay more money to her than I actually owed after a trip away, asked me to house sit for a night while she attended a wedding and when I realised I couldn't do it I sent her a message to let her know. She never read the message (WhatsApp so I have no doubt it was read from notifications and she didn't like what I was saying) and when she was leaving my house with her parent, "double checked" I was still able to do it...obviously to make me look flakey in front of the parent because she knew I wasn't able to help out. I was travelling 300 miles the day after she wanted me to house sit (and look after a flock of lambing sheep so at the least I would have had to get up every few hours to check them).

Anyway, it came to me leaving the party after 7 hours and about to complete my 100 mile round trip to attend said party, and she was very dramatic, asking if there was something going on in my life, if there was something wrong that meant I couldn't drink and have a good time, wtf...i just didn't fancy drinking but still made the effort to turn up and spent over £100 on a gift for her (she didn't even send me a card for my birthday a few months ago...we have both turned 30 this year). So the crux of this is, would I be unreasonable to use the tickets myself considering she was so bloody ungrateful!?

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 20/06/2022 09:07

Nope.
I would.

HollowTalk · 20/06/2022 09:14

Use the tickets and dump the woman.

heavyistheheed · 20/06/2022 09:25

Went to her party on Saturday night and decided to drive, rather than drink and stay over (only invited me to stay on the Thursday night, so 2 days before and clearly I was bottom of the invite list for accommodation or she would have mentioned this before)
2 days notice would be plenty in my friendship group. Why do you need so much notice? Or, I would've asked beforehand if I could stay and found out.

she rocked up at my house and drove into my (single) allocated parking spot meaning I had to park on the road
I always give up my allocated parking space for visitors, you weren't in the space she probably presumed you were the same

tried to get me to pay more money to her than I actually owed after a trip away
Ok this one is dodgy

asked me to house sit for a night while she attended a wedding and when I realised I couldn't do it I sent her a message to let her know. She never read the message (WhatsApp so I have no doubt it was read from notifications and she didn't like what I was saying) and when she was leaving my house with her parent, "double checked" I was still able to do it...
How much notice did you give her?

she was very dramatic, asking if there was something going on in my life, if there was something wrong that meant I couldn't drink and have a good time
She could tell you were pissed at her

So the crux of this is, would I be unreasonable to use the tickets myself considering she was so bloody ungrateful!?

Imo yes you would BU. Haven't you already given her them? So you'd be taking them back ?! Why don't you guys go together? Or just write them off now and cancel the friendship as you clearly don't like her

WeeOrcadian · 20/06/2022 09:26

She's not your friend. Treat yourself instead and cut her out of your life.

User76745333 · 20/06/2022 09:29

have you given her the tickets already?

Sswhinesthebest · 20/06/2022 09:30

If she knows about them , then you can but it will be the end of the friendship.

If she doesn’t know about them, then no way. Give her what she gave you - nothing.

CuriousMama · 20/06/2022 09:35

Does she know about the tickets?

Original poster

Quangoquandry · 20/06/2022 09:36

@heavyistheheed, I gave her a good 2 months notice that I couldn't do the house sitting so it's not like it was a few days before hand, once I realised it clashed with my trip away I messaged her straight away.
Regarding the staying over, she had previously said there wasn't room for me to stay so I can only assume someone else dropped out and I took their space.

I haven't got the physical tickets yet as they are only printed 2 weeks before the event, she does know about them as I wrote it in the card that I gave her with the £30 odd bottle of champagne!

OP posts:

heavyistheheed · 20/06/2022 09:39

So she didn't read her WhatsApp for 2 months?! Ok maybe I gave her too much credit.

Sorry though Op I still feel you can't revoke the tickets, if nothing else it will give her an actual reason to badmouth you. This way, you keep the high road. Just write it off and forget the friendship.

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 20/06/2022 09:42

Why did you give her such an extravagant present, bottle of champagne plus tickets to a concert, for her birthday when she didn't even give you a card for yours?

Original poster

Quangoquandry · 20/06/2022 09:44

heavyistheheed · 20/06/2022 09:39

So she didn't read her WhatsApp for 2 months?! Ok maybe I gave her too much credit.

No, it was a few weeks...I sent the message 2 months before the proposed house sitting but saw her a few weeks after the message, which is when she asked me in front of her parent.

She read subsequent messages though so clearly ignored the one where I was telling her something she didn't want to see.

OP posts:

maddy68 · 20/06/2022 09:45

Sorry I think you are being way too dramatic and high maintenance.

She asked you to stay with two days notice that's plenty of time

She also can't ask everyone to stay over
It's your choice to have given her an expensive present. Why did you do that? Why not give her a bottle of wine ?

She asked you why you weren't drinking. If you normally do thats a reasonable question

Original poster

Quangoquandry · 20/06/2022 09:45

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 20/06/2022 09:42

Why did you give her such an extravagant present, bottle of champagne plus tickets to a concert, for her birthday when she didn't even give you a card for yours?

I just didn't want to rock up to a party with only a bottle of champagne as I did consider us good friends and thought she was making an effort.

OP posts:

SandyWedges · 20/06/2022 09:48

Quangoquandry · 20/06/2022 09:45

I just didn't want to rock up to a party with only a bottle of champagne as I did consider us good friends and thought she was making an effort.

Show quote history

It's ridiculous though. If she didn't bother with yours then the champagne would have been more than enough.

Original poster

Quangoquandry · 20/06/2022 09:50

maddy68 · 20/06/2022 09:45

Sorry I think you are being way too dramatic and high maintenance.

She asked you why you weren't drinking. If you normally do thats a reasonable question

Fair enough.

2 days notice isn't really enough time when you have made plans for early ish on the Sunday, 50 odd miles away as you weren't aware that you were going to be asked to stay.

I wouldn't say drinking is my default position, there have been times in the past where I have been out with her and not had a drink.

OP posts:

KangarooKenny · 20/06/2022 09:52

Keep the tickets and get rid of the’friend’.

ClaryFairchild · 20/06/2022 10:00

Tell her that you had problems getting the tickets and you'll treat her to a lunch or dinner some time.

And if she is arsey about it just don't ever make that time.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 20/06/2022 10:07

You don’t need permission from MN to stop being friends with someone. You clearly don’t like her, you don’t sound great friend so just stop speaking to her, why are adults so pathetic these days?

AngelinaFibres · 20/06/2022 10:15

Why are you friends with this person. Get rid.

Pureimaginations · 20/06/2022 10:20

Chalk it up to experience and move on. She sounds manipulative (the house sitting / parent thing)

Meraas · 20/06/2022 10:20

made the effort to turn up and spent over £100 on a gift for her (she didn't even send me a card for my birthday a few months ago...we have both turned 30 this year).

Why on earth did you spend on £130 on someone who didn't even you get you a card when you turned 30?!

OP, she is treating you like an absolute mug.

I forbid you to give the concert tickets to her!!!

Meraas · 20/06/2022 10:20

SmallPrawnEnergy · 20/06/2022 10:07

What a nasty post. Think you need a lie down.

Paprikapommes · 20/06/2022 10:22

Friendships drift apart. There's no need to try and purposefully hurt her feelings, which is what taking back the tickets would do. If you don't want to give her a gift/go to the gig with her then it's either the case that you don't want to be her friend or you want to lash out because your feeling neglected.

Judging by your friends actions to date she's unlikely to realise how inconsiderate she can be and apologise profusely. So I'd probably just cut your losses, move on without the petty digs.

ShesAPeachSconeBob · 20/06/2022 10:26

I don't think she's done anything that bad but clearly this friendship is not a two way street. If you aren't getting anything out of it then I would just let it drift. Not ghosting per se but just to see if she contacts you. Otherwise just pull her up on everything you have listed here.

Cherrysoup · 20/06/2022 10:29

Why did you spank £100 on tickets when she didn't even get you a card? Use them yourself.

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