I am 40weeks + 4 days with our third child. Two young children, both pre school.
Husband couldn't be more unhelpful at the moment, let alone more generally day to day in our marriage which I've clearly ignored got used to. All of the general laziness is now getting on top of me given current situation.
He lay in bed both mornings at the weekend, I was up at 6 with the kids sorting breakfast etc. Any time he has down time he's lying on the sofa scrolling news on his phone. I'm flat out washing, ironing, sorting house etc. I'm sure some of that is nesting but he sees me bending down, picking up kids toys, picking up broken crockery off the floor on my hands and knees with no offer of help.
Admittedly, Saturday morning, he spent 2 hours cleaning and hoovering the house whilst I took DD to ballet, but the kitchen was a tip because he didn't clean up after dinner on Friday evening (the deal was I'd do bath, he clean up dinner- which he didn't do and decided to leave the kitchen with all dishes left out because it was a Friday evening). That in itself drives me mad, waking up to a gross kitchen, but I'm at the point of picking my arguments. He did go beyond the kitchen, hoovering all of downstairs, putting clean laundry dumped unfolded on the bed away but then I heard of nothing else all weekend. He doesn't cook at all for the children yet when I picked up brunch (for everyone) of sausage sandwiches from our local deli on the way home from ballet he complains they shouldn't be eating that and need vegetables.
Generally he has NO interest in weekend days out with the kids nor any family holidays. Doesn't want to go away, no interest in travel. Says it's too stressful with kids so what's the point. He has to be almost dragged to the farm or to do something child friendly with the kids at weekend. He instead prefers to take them for walks etc which suit him, not something they'd get fun out of. I want to book a fun kids holiday in Sept once baby is 3+ months and he has said absolutely no way (he wouldn't be the one paying, btw, it would be me as higher earner).
We live in a 5 bed house but only 2 of the bedrooms are really habitable. The upstairs rooms are riddled with damp, wallpaper is peeling off the walls. I spent £600 two years ago decorating one of those rooms (unaware of the extent of damp at the time) which was pointless as you now see damp through all the freshly painted walls. I don't think it's safe/sensible to have kids sleeping in those rooms so we are all cramped in to two rooms of the house, but that's about to get worse with a new baby!
I pay for all house expenses, extortionate £400pcm council tax, £400pcm gas and electricity bill, all childcare (£1000pcm), all groceries, school requirements and every single bill or child need. That is because I'm on 3x his salary so fine, proportionate. But why do I kill myself on all those costs when I can only use 30% of the house. I may as well live in a 2 bed house and have more money in my pocket! I want the kids to have nice bedrooms and he has no interest, says the upstairs is fine and kids have lived in far worse conditions.
My parents (who are good at home redevelopment) are appalled and said they would pay themselves for the damp to be fixed as they think the kids will be poorly if they go upstairs. My parents came round yesterday and he hit the roof that he's being told what to do with HIS house by my parents. He doesn't want to spend the money doing the work. He walked out of the room when dad was advising what we should do which I found unbelievably insulting and rude.
He has no interest in taking the kids to clubs and is annoyed they have to attend swimming, ballet etc at the weekend because he says they're too young (2 and 4) so are none the wiser. There is an absolute veto on Sat afternoon clubs, they're only allowed to do mornings. This is because he feels running around after the kids dominates his weekend and he wants to relax doing nothing having been out the house 5x days a week at 7am. Isn't this just real life with young kids!?
This weekend we argued all weekend. Everything irritated me. I want to leave as I think that would have such a scare factor for him but clearly in my condition it's not something I can feasibly do. I know once baby arrives he'll be all emotional and we'll have a "let's stop this", put it behind us moment, brush it under the carpet and carry on. But it'll never go away!
The complicating factor is that he works for my father so his career fairly entangled in this mess.
I told him last night that his lack of any drive, lethargy is really unattractive, I don't want my kids to be brought up seeing that. He is happy getting by working his bare minimum hours, sitting on his phone at weekends but brings absolutely nothing to the table.
AIBU feeling like this? What would you do?!