To wish I could feel relaxed, potential bisexuality

[Housemartinshappyhour]

I think that sexuality is a spectrum, and people can be much more inclined towards either men or women sometimes.
I have always had feelings for and dated men only, and have been in a relationship with a man for 2 years now.
However I supposed I've always had occasional fantasies about being with another woman, sexually. I've never had an interest in a woman in real life though, but around 6 years ago I felt curious about experimenting, so I joined some dating sites and talked to a couple of women on there, though never actually met anyone in person. It sounds strange but there's a part of me that thought it would be repulsive in real life. A part of me felt ashamed and like it was seedy or something.
Looking back I was glad i didn't, and from then on I just continued to date and be interested in men, whilst occasionally fantasizing about women in my mind.
I had some bisexual friends express slight interest in me, which in a way made me uncomfortable, but I also slightly fantasized about it though had no intention of it in real life.
For whatever reason the other day, this 'phase' popped into my mind. I have no idea why, but sometimes our past comes back to haunt us I suppose.
I started feeling some strange anxiety for a few days and questioning who I was. I've also started feeling awkward around all women which is ridiculous and strange.
I told my partner the truth about the past and the occasional thoughts I'd had. I felt nervous but that he had the right to know.
He didn't bat an eyelid really, he couldn't have been more understanding which was great. He said it's better to accept that part of myself rather than repress it, and that I loved him so that was all that mattered.
He himself had once kissed a man as a teenager out of curiosity but didn't enjoy it, and has a few friends/colleagues who've experimented with the same sex.
I think for me I have a group of school friends who've never mentioned anything of the sort and I doubt ever would.
I still feel a bit stressed but I shouldn't. My partner acknowledges I can appreciate an attractive person.
I've no interest in being with anyone else whether man or woman, and I'm happily committed to him. I'm sure I'll feel better soon.
Sorry it's a long read, sometimes it's just hard to accept things about yourself and I felt ashamed. Does anybody else feel like this or have done before?

Any thoughts?

Sounds kind of like you have some internalised homophobia (biphobia) and maybe being affected by compulsory heterosexuality?

There’s nothing to be ashamed of op; sexuality is a spectrum and you can like whoever you like- nothing wrong with it.

Iv'e had friends who found it hard to entertain the thought that they could be anything other than straight. Like they knew really that they had those feelings but when they were younger, it wasn't talked about, so they found it easier to pretend it wasn't there at all.

I realise my 1dt commment just sounds like throwing buzzwords around, but if you google the phrases you might find more people in the same boat

I think it’s completely normal for women to fantasize about other women. I don’t think it makes you gay and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Like you say, sexuality is a spectrum. I think you’re massively overthinking this.

You should read up about internalised homophobia, it might shed some light for you, particularly around why you see lm attracted to and repulsed by the idea of being intimate with women.
I’ve never really bought the ‘you can fancy women and still be straight’ line, but as you say for some people sexuality is a spectrum.

I think you might have OCD. Google OCD and sexuality and see if that fits? If it’s causing you anxiety, you might want to see a therapist or doctor about it.

Thanks for the support everyone. It's just making me feel anxiety and question everything in my head. I will look into this online and maybe consult a doctor.

Until very recently, I thought everyone sometimes had same sex fantasies and were at least occasionally attracted to someone the same sex, but heterosexual friends of both sexes have said they never had, and while I'm sure there's an element of social conditioning there in some cases, to be sure it is never seems pretty clear.

I don't know if it matters. I don't like labelling things anyway, so I'm not really concerned whether I'm straight or bi. Even if you're attracted to someone, most of the time, it doesn't go anywhere- one of you might already be in a relationship, you might work together, feelings might not be reciprocated, you might just be busy dealing with other things in life - a million reasons. There are all sorts of things which happen inside my head, in my fantasy life. I wouldn’t act on many of them (one or two aren't physically possible in reality, unless someone works out how to fly,) it's just a way of exploring ideas.

I don't think there's anything yo be ashamed about or to worry about, and you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with just because you've thought about it.

You sound totally normal to me. I am fully heterosexual and have been married for 18 years to the same lovely man, but I still fantasise about women.

Not sure that you need to consult a doctor - maybe try counselling if you feel the need but personally I think you are massively over thinking things.

Thanks, I hope I'll feel better soon.
This anxiety is making me feel awkward around all women which is causing me a lot of distress