To not do a Father’s Day post..

[CHiSOCG]

My dad died young - he had me young so he was 46 had me when he was 20. He’s been dead a while. He had addiction issues we had a traumatic childhood in a lot of ways. He had a lot of demons. In his heart he loved us so much and spent his life battling his addiction.

Both my grandfathers were charming, charismatic - real social men. But beat their kids, their wives.

Every year I’ve done a Miss You Dad post on Facebook and then people respond etc.

This year I haven’t. I’ve looked at the old posts I did. Nice photos - an emotional I miss you dad. But honestly I don’t want to do it - I don’t want to think about my Dad. I don’t feel I need any external validation of my grief.

I’ve nothing to say about him to the world but I do intend on ‘writing’ to him this week to process my grief.

my aunt has sent me a post my aunt did about her father (my grandfather) all gushing but I’m like he was an alcoholic abusive bastard. It’s like she is trying for me to do one on my dad/her brother. She loved her brother but she didn’t live with him.

I feel bad in away but in other ways I’m like I no longer need any sympathy. Cos that’s all it is.

I should say dad worked hard til his addiction took over his life. He did really try but too many demons.

External validation is short lived . Sounds like your letter is a better way to go. Hope yesterday wasn't too hard for you x

If you don’t want to, then don’t.

I’m not someone who would ever post something like that on Facebook, but I suppose for those that do like that sort of thing, it should bring some sort of comfort or something that helps. It’s not going to do that, so don’t do it. Ignore pressure from others. Do what helps you. At some point in the future, that may be nothing.

Yes I didn’t and the moment has passed. I feel sad today - tough day yesterday it really takes its toll.

I fail to see the need to post on Facebook if the person isn't able to read it (ie doesn't have fb) or isn't alive to read it. Always seems pointless and attention seeking to me. My DF is dead and DM doesn't have fb so never feel the need to post.

I never post anything on Facebook that the person can't see or read. I don't need anyone else's validation on that. There were lots of dead father posts yesterday. I loved my dad dearly and DH his. But neither of them would have seen a post on Facebook if they'd still been alive let alone read it from the grave. Far better to take some time with your thoughts and memories privately or in person with other family members.

I guess some see it as a memorial in a sense. For faith reasons my father doesn’t have a grave and his ashes were spread in his country of birth. It sounds bizarre but apart from photographs and my own memories I have nothing tangible. He had no real possessions. I own nothing of his. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have something that was his. I might ask my mum if there is anything left.

It is completely up to you. X