Inviting Extras to a birthday party to get the guests they want there, UR or not?

[PartyExtrasURorNot]

DD is having a birthday party next week

I have invited her cousins on her dads side (my ExH) and the parent (ExHs cousin) has text to ask if her stepDC can come too, shes said that they’ve met DC a couple of times and they’re only a year older and year younger than DD.
ExHs cousin says if they can’t go then she won’t bring along her DC as it’s “Not fair”.

DD would love her cousins to attend and I can afford to cater to them as it’s buffer style and I am already over catering.

For context the ages are:

DD 7 almost 8 (8 the week after the party)

ExHs Cousins DC are:
DS 8 (4 weeks older than DD)
DD 6

ExHs Cousins StepDC are:
DD9
DS6 (very nearly 7)

DD won’t care about a few extras, she’d happily invite her whole primary school if given the chance but she desperately wants “her whole family” there. It’s her first ever proper birthday party (previously we’ve done tea parties then covid cancelled her others).

I have invited all of my cousins DCs just because DD sees them and wants them there.

So would you invite them?

Yeah, well you haven't really added a reason why not?

@worraliberty because it feels like a bit of a trying to force my hand situation and thats the reason I split with ExH.

Yes its very pushy of her, but given you can afford the additional two kids and your dd really wants her cousin there then I would invite them. By next year your dd might have a set group of friends and may want to keep it small and you can avoid all of the cousins.

Yes, sounds like fun. I hope they all bring gifts for the birthday girl.

Well I think she's being very cheeky but if you/your DD really want the cousins there I guess you might as well?

Personally I'd be expecting your ex H to facilitate a birthday celebration for your DD with his side of the family - my DSS does not invite my DPs side of the family to whatever celebration he does with his mum, but you might do things differently to that.

I'd just invite the steps as well. If it's not a financial problem or issue with numbers and your daughter will be happy with it then I'd just roll with it. Yes it's crappy to feel like they're trying to force your hand but it's no skin off your nose in this instance and the fact that they're the family of your ex hopefully means the opportunities to do so in the future are limited.

@aSofaNearYou ExH won't do her birthday, he won't even see her or come to the party let alone organise anything. When she asks him he just says it's my job.

It’s not about you though, it’s for your daughter. I’d be annoyed, but I’d just invite them as the reason why not doesn’t benefit your DD in any way. I do understand why your annoyed though.

I think the way the cousin is going about it is shitty and rude.
But I would invite extra children to my child’s party if my child wanted them there and I could afford to host them.

I don't know why she had to put in the bit about 'otherwise we won't bring blah' because for all she knew you would have said yes straight off! But you can afford to be generous and you can be all 'oh of course, no bother' so as to appear unruffled by her combative ways!

If you have space in your house and can stretch to a few more sandwiches then let them come.

I'd be annoyed at Ex in general and it's also crap of the cousin, but given it's no bother for you, I'd do it for DC and also to be the bigger person and avoid any bickering they're almost forcing you down the route of.