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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset he doesn't text first?

5 replies

BrokenAndAfraid · 19/06/2022 20:21

my last relationship was very toxic and at times abusive / controlling so I'm not sure what's normal anymore?!
I've been separated from my husband for a year and half now and have been online dating.

I've met someone I really like - we have been texting for several months now. I've met him a few times and have already slept with him - I was so keen to overlay some of the bad experiences I had with my ex. The last few years the only sex I had was me saying no and him climbing on top of me anyway - then 3 thrusts later it would all be over. We didn't kiss or cuddle or any foreplay. It was literally that and I was grateful it was over so quickly, I used to turn my head and try not to acknowledge him. I didn't want to sleep with ny ex as he was just so mean to me - calling me fat and ugly and saying my stretch marks were awful( from carrying his baby!)

So the new guy the Sex was great and so nice to have someone say nice things about my body and generally be nice to me. He said my stretch marks are a badge of honour and such a privileged to carry my babies.

Just recently he's not texting first as often. If I was to text him he will always reply but if I didn't text for a few days he wouldn't either!

I keep thinking about him (new guy) and feel upset when he posts things on Facebook like he's going out but not texting me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset? Should I just call it a day?

OP posts:
xmasaries · 19/06/2022 20:47

I think you're reasonable to be upset, but it'd be unreasonable to call it a day immediately without a conversation about it first!

How long ago did he stop texting first?
If it was a month I'd be bringing it up quicker than if it was last week.

BrokenAndAfraid · 19/06/2022 21:17

I'm worried I'm going to come across obsessive if I mention it - and I want him to text me because he wants to hear from me , not because I've told him to text me !

OP posts:
Lacedwithgrace · 19/06/2022 21:23

How often do you text him 'first'? Is it the first message you send in a day or the first message after a few days/hours of silence?

Give him space to text you first

Lacedwithgrace · 19/06/2022 21:24

Also, it's a slippery slope of being annoyed that he's posting on FB but not texting you... He's allowed to be on his phone and not text you

BrokenAndAfraid · 19/06/2022 22:14

Now that I write it, it does sound to me like I may just be a bit unreasonable. Think I'm going to give him space and see how long it takes for him to text and what the context is.

OP posts:
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