Toddler OCDs, to think this is not normal?

[grandiosegoose]

I have a 4 year old who can exhibit some full-on meltdowns when things are not executed in the exact way they “should be done”. They have a mad ritual around most everyday things like dressing up, toothbrushing and so on and come up with new rules, demands all the time. This also extends to other people, like dictating how to put on granddad’s glasses etc. If the ritual is not respected then a complete meltdown follows often with violence.

Very often there are never-ending public meltdowns too about having to execute things in a certain way even if it’s dangerous, doesn’t make sense or near impossible. No distraction, bribery etc usually works (maybe a very major distraction).

It feels like I’ve tried everything and nothing worked. In the end I end up giving in because the situation only escalates.

I’m thinking this is not just normal toddler stuff? There are so many of these OCDs and demands, it’s difficult to live like this. What would you do?

If you don’t mind me asking, what were the indications of autism in his case? Sorry if intrusive, just interested for educational purposes really x

Apologies, I just realised you already answered up thread x

No kids are 'brats'. They all have different needs, temperaments, parenting etc.

It sounds like elements consistent with OCD, ASD and also maybe PDA. But only a professional can disentangle all this. You need a referral. Speak to your health visitor who can make a referral.

Apologies I just saw your health visitor laughed it off which is awful. In that case GP and ask for a referral.

@teleskopregel thanks for the advice. Yes, it’s hard for the parents too.

Not all kids that like rules/structure are asd thankfully

Thankfully?

As I said @grandiosegoose - keep a log, ABC forms. This will give you the documented evidence of his behaviour at home where you can show possibly the patterns.

See if you can self refer to CAMHS in your area.

Also take a look at www.autism.org.uk

Particularly at how to support your DS with visual aids (pictures), Now and Next board, Social Stories so he knows what will happen and the expectation. This many help manage his anxiety.

For a diagnosis they will look at all areas of his life incl any trauma, because sometimes trauma can be the cause of some behaviours. I remember being asked about pregnancy and birth, feeding/sleeping/milestones.

There is also the option of Early Help which may be another route into getting a diagnosis if one is needed and/or extra support. learning.nspcc.org.uk/safeguarding-child-protection/early-help-early-intervention

HTH!

Oh, other things, sensory overload or maybe sensory seeking experiences. Noises, touch, taste, smell - anything unusual? Eg my DC says they can hear electricity, sudden noises cause meltdowns, want to touch and stroke hair (anyone's hair!), is fixated on certain bland foods, does not like some foodstuffs on the same plate or touching, wants sunglasses a lot or the curtains closed, wears ear defenders. Also check for reciprocal conversation with their peers - is it give and take or do they just talk at someone and don't pick up the non-verbal cues eg someone walking away mid conversation but they follow them and keep talking.

Don't use the term 'OCDs' it makes no sense and your child's behaviour has nothing to do with OCD.
Look through old threads about early signs of ASD on here, there are a lot and new ones are started very often. When you know more, keep a log of behaviours your child exhibits and go to a new GP to show them your findings

Whilst it is true that 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorders' being used to refer to what the OP has thought might be compulsions, is obviously an accidental misuse of the label OCD, please be kind to the OP as she's clearly going through a lot.

I actually wonder whether the planning the day and using stickers (suggested up-thread) might work quite well, even if your DC does have ASD, ADHD or even OCPD (separate to OCD, OCPD is a personality disorder where people are very strict about rules and order). Also ensuring that things like snacks at the right time, your DC gets down-time (e.g. breaks in the day where things are quieter), avoiding busy, noisy places might help.

@grandiosegoose my daughter is very similar by the sound of it, she is 3.5

I've spoken to HV and nursery too. None of their suggested strategies have helped sadly and I have frequently felt pushed to the absolute limit of what I can cope with. It is so, so tough.

A friend in fb shares articles about pathological demand avoidance, PDA, which I think fits with my daughter.

She hasn't been diagnosed and I'm no expert, but lots of it rings true. Have a Google and see what you think. Good luck, it's very hard on you both.