To seek a ptsd diagnosis? *Trigger warning

[squashedalmondcroissant]

Please forgive me, I've had a few drinks so I may not make much sense but it's hard for me to talk about it.

I've been through several traumatic incidents, including rape, emotional and physical abuse (different partners and incidents spread over several years) and have long since suspected I suffer from ptsd but I've never sought an official diagnosis for various reasons.

Mainly due to the guilt and shame I feel related to the traumas, I don't like talking about it and have tried to just deal with it myself but after having a panic attack at work today I've realised that I need help.

I'm in the best place mentally, emotionally and financially I've been in a very long time and I'm still having nightmares/flashbacks/panic attacks.

I'm just so tired of it. I really felt that how I was feeling (ie, all of the above) was just a symptom of depression and being generally dissatisfied with life but I'm in such a good place right now in so many ways and yet I'm still experiencing these issues. I feel it's finally time that I tried to get some help but I have absolutely no idea where to start.

Look at self referral free mh counselling in your area and ask about EMDR. Most effective treatment for PTSD. They will also assess you. Let's Talk Wellbeing is a great place to start if you have one locally.
Big love to you.

See a therapist first to work out the best treatment. I have a similar background to you, have cPTSD, and see a therapist that specialises in trauma. We've discussed EMDR but it's much more effective for PTSD triggered by a single incident and so may not be the most beneficial treatment. I found NHS-referred therapy challenging (kept getting men, not ideal for me personally) so ended up going private. Progress has been slow, but there has been progress. Good luck!

I tried to call the GP yesterday but I ended up hanging up.

I'm scared and I don't know why! Scared of being judged, scared of having to talk about and relive everything all over again, scared of trying to get therapy to overcome the trauma and it not working..I don't know.

I'm just really scared. I feel like a failure for even trying to ask for help and not being able to cope on my own. I feel like I'm not strong enough.

Rather than looking at it as needing an official diagnosis, recognise how you are feeling and what you are experiencing as indicative of you needing some professional help. Start in whatever way you can to access that help. Call an anonymous helpline to chat if calling the GP feels too big of a step.

I hope you find the support to help you recover from the trauma.

Diagnosis is secondary to you feeling better.

Ringing the doctors can be hugely stressful though. We can self-refer locally for MH support. It's a form you fill in and then someone rings you up and has a chat to help work out what they can do to help.

Therapy will help you with "Mainly due to the guilt and shame I feel related to the traumas, I don't like talking about it" - a good therapist will help you open up in a safe space when you are ready - hopefully you can self refer locally OR see if there are any online resources in your area whilst you wait.

I don't know if my journey will be of any help to you. I thought I had PTSD, fought very hard to see a psychiatrist to get diagnosed. They didn't agree and diagnosed me with another condition related to trauma. I think I took not having PTSD much harder than this new diagnosis. I think I thought the label of PTSD would give me validation and is generally socially acceptable. It was very difficult to hear that I had this trauma based condition which wasn't PTSD. I think if you are looking for a diagnosis, you need to ask yourself what that would give you, perhaps it's meaning to your suffering, access to treatment, permission to be kind to yourself etc, you deserve all of those things regardless.

I then went on to do trauma therapy, 3 years in fact and I'm doing really well and looking to end therapy soon. I think we talked about the trauma specifically in maybe 3 sessions. We focused on what I wanted to improve in my life now, working within my own tolerance level and understanding myself and how I have been shaped by my experiences.

Theres a very good book by Babette Rothschild called 10 steps to trauma recovery (or something similar) that was recommended by my therapist.