Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner drinking every weekend

37 replies

Newmumoct20 · 18/06/2022 21:54

To set the scene, me and my partner have an 18 month old. He has 2 children from a previous relationship. He has them every other weekend. He has his children at a relatives house (his mum) in a Friday and with me and his other child on a Saturday.

he has a problem with alcohol, he’s fine after a few but doesn’t know when to stop.

he says he is entitled to drink after work and at weekends as he works hard all week but when he drinks it’s normally 6-8 pints sometimes more and then he is rude and nasty to me.

if it’s his weekend with his other children, he will drink in the Friday and when he calls he is nasty. Then on the Saturday he will drink here all afternoon evening leaving me to do everything and look after our soon.

to share the problem with alcohol is not new. I’ve asked him lots of times to cut down but he says he doesn’t have to and can do what the fuck he likes.

when I was 6 months pregnant he got drunk at a friends and told me we were over, I drove against doctors orders to try and talk sense into him, it was his mum that eventually did.

when our child was 2 months old, he got so drunk one afternoon I had to carry him upstairs and clean up his sick while looking after a small baby. It was heartbreaking.

im scared for the impression it makes on his other children but worried for our toddler, I already put him to bed early so he’s not up when his dad drinks but I know this is wrong.

I’ve posted many on here before the relationship is a mess, I know I should leave but I can’t, I’m not strong enough.

I just need to find some strength in knowing it’s him and not me being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Twoshoesnewshoes · 18/06/2022 23:18

Can you make contact with your local Domestic Abuse support service? Maybe just talking through the next steps with someone will help?

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/06/2022 23:22

I’m not trying to be a bad mum by staying with him, I just don’t have the strength now to leave

Stop saying this. To us, to yourself. You are trying to convince yourself. Of course you have the strength. You are choosing to say this. Rather than saying, "I am choosing to make my baby live full time with an abusive alcoholic". That actually is true. The strength comment isn't.

What is true is that your baby doesn't have the strength to survive this unscathed. It will affect your child. No question. The sooner you leave the less effect there will be.

You can do it.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/06/2022 23:41

I’m not trying to be a bad mum by staying with him, I just don’t have the strength now to leave

Bullshit. If you want what's best for your child, you'll leave him.

wellhelloitsme · 20/06/2022 06:10

I’m still with him. There never seems a right time to ask him to go, first the birth, then Christmas. He has become nastier of late, keeps threatening to leave but never does, it’s started to escalate into him taking the temper out on things, plates, cutlery, doors! I feel so torn, I love him and he is a good dad to the baby when he is here and not being nasty calling me names, most commonly a drip or today a boring cunt! I’m so upset.

The above was in December 2020 OP. This has been an abusive home for the duration of your son's life.

Putting your baby first means ending this relationship.

Anything else is unfair on the baby, exposing them to abuse and I'm afraid to say, neglectful.

Especially leaving the baby alone with him.

You need to decide what you love more - your baby, or your relationship with this man.

Nobody is saying it will be easy to leave. Abusive relationships aren't, because they fuck with your head. But it's necessary to do so for your son.

Peccary · 20/06/2022 06:53

My dad is a nasty drunk, growing up he was drunk every weekend and verbally abusive to my mum (her looks, weight, job etc) . She would just say it was nothing, he's drunk, water off a ducks back. I never invited any friends home as i would have been embarrassed. He still does it now.

I resent that she allowed her three daughters to see that example of what to tolerate from a man. I have my own daughter now so feel this even more.

Don't let your son grow up with this "normal""

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 20/06/2022 06:55

Why would you even begin to think that it’s you being unreasonable? You have to address your perception of your own strength and there is no time to lose.

How are you going to do that? Think about the steps you need to take. Visualise being in a safe environment with your DS. Start today.

Gingernaut · 20/06/2022 06:57

You left a child with a drunk who carried on drinking whilst in sole charge of a toddler under 2.

Please. Leave. He's a helpless alcoholic and doesn't give a shit about you or your child.

Gingernaut · 20/06/2022 07:00

Leave.

Return to your family and start again with supportive people around you.

Philisophigal · 20/06/2022 07:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

KangarooKenny · 20/06/2022 07:16

So you’re going to keep posting on here instead of protecting your child ?

Philisophigal · 20/06/2022 07:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 20/06/2022 07:20

A child does not respect a weak enabling mother. Then when they are older they despise their mother for not protecting them from the drunken abuser.
I should know because I was that child. Leave now. Find your strength.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread