Was I bossy?

[AnnieSaxophone]

DH BBQ’d steak tonight and I did the other stuff (fries, salad). DS has special needs and finds dry food difficult to eat, so I always add gravy and / or mayo to a meal like this. The steak had some ‘jus’ with it but not much.

We eat and then after ice cream DS decides he’d like more steak and fries etc and we have some left so DH puts it on his plate with some of the jus but then goes to tip the rest down the sink.

So I said ‘ooh don’t waste that it’s so delicious - can you give him the rest too?!’

Cue massive argument where apparently I’m telling him what to do and I’m out of order.

Have I gone mad? Was I being bossy and shouldn’t have said anything?

I had to leave the room as he wasn’t going to let up on it.

An amazing meal we were lucky to have I know.

Pathetic on his behalf tbh

You weren't being bossy - I don't think that's the word. I think he's overreacted - but the text you've written here doesn't convey the tone.

If it was said lightly, then fine - he's massively overreacted. If you snapped at him not to chuck it because it's a given DS liked sauce, then perhaps he's going to come back at you and an argument ensues.

So on balance of probabilities YANBU ...but see the above as well for context

Isn't it depressing that we can't talk about food choices or socialising on Mumsnet without adding a disclaimer in case someone comes and steams in saying "insensitive you posted about steak when so much of the country is suffering" etc

Not having a go OP and thank you for posting this it's a lovely mark of gratitude :-) it's more aimed at some of the folk on here who pee on other's threads by picking up on something to be slighted about

No, not bossy.

@SavoirFlair no I definitely didn’t snap at him.

Then YANBU and he certainly is. 🙃

I’ve never really understood why “bossy” is a bad thing to be: it’s just being competent and assertive, isn’t it? A little bit of sexism in this scenario, I think.

What a strange thing to get annoyed about, he definitely overreacted!

There must be more behind this. Sounds like the tip of the iceberg?

Chances are it wasn’t about just this comment. Talk to him and ask where the reaction came from.

Yep. I’ve never seen a man describe another man as bossy.

it’s a put down for women and girls

He's overreacting. I'd have been annoyed he was going to waste food whether DS could have eaten it or not.

Women are bossy. Men are firm and assertive.

He sounds like a dick for saying it, plus you say he won't leave it? How is your relationship generally? This sounds like tip of an iceberg/final straw scenario maybe...

Thank you so much everyone. We do have significant difficulties with communication. He reacts in ways I can’t predict and he gets very frustrated / angry with me which I find very confusing and upsetting.

I dunno.. I think it does no harm to remember one’s good fortune when having a vent.

I’d drop thinking about yourself as bossy OP. No one ever calls men bossy.

I don't think bossy is the right word. But do you suggest things to him a lot? He may have felt like he just wanted to cook a meal his way and serve it up and be done and you had started interfering with that? It depends a lot on what it's usually like between you I think. I can't stand it when DH hovers when I'm cooking and makes suggestions so if it happens a lot I can see why he's a bit frustrated by it.

@SavoirFlair thank you.
@SandyWedges I think I must do. I never care if people take up on my suggestions and I always love hearing other people’s, but I’ll have to be more careful about what I say.

Please don’t feel you have to justify eating anything other than dry bread and water

He is ridiculous. I can't imagine any part of what you said can be misconstrued as anything else.

He sounds like a right bloody nightmare frankly!!

I hope he does have some redeeming features!!