AIBU to think socialising has changed since lockdown?

[LaLiLu1]

Prior to lockdown we seem to have had a much busier social life than we do now. DH and I have 2 teen DC. When the kids were younger there were a lot of families new to the area, including ourselves, and we seemed to have 'stuff on' most weekends. Either through school, the kids' clubs or with other families we were getting to know. In hindsight I think a lot of the family socialising was a bit of a game, where one person hosted an event at their house and you then invited people to 'return the favour' or because you couldn't leave them out of the group. We often enjoyed the socialising, but sometimes we also attended events out of obligation. As the kids got older and more independent, the socialising reduced, but we would still see friends every other weekend or so, which was lovely. A member of our family then became very unwell about a year before covid hit and we massively reduced our social commitments further. Then lockdown came and obviously all socialising stopped. We lost contact with quite a few people during lockdown whom we had less close friendships with. It would have just seemed odd to get in touch, rather than seeing them at the school gates or on the side of a football field.

Life in general now feels pretty much back to normal, but I have noticed that our social life has not returned to pre-pandemic levels. I'm not necessarily unhappy about this. We have stayed in touch with close friends and still see them, but there are a lot of people where it would now feel odd to make contact again. We don't have family nearby, so will only see them twice a year. I'm not looking for tips on how to socialise more. I've got lots of ideas about that! I'm more wondering if I am being unreasonable to think most people's lives have changed as a result of lockdown?
I can't work out if is this maybe a normal phase of life, as the kids get older or if this is some kind of lockdown hangover, where everyone is socialising a bit less than they used to? Would love to hear what has happened for other people post lockdown.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/jun/18/pandemic-friendships-relationships

A companion read perhaps

I hardly seen anyone from kids junior school. Kids never mixed with those children once in high school and made friends independent from us.

My calender has boomed again. Something every Saturday and nearly where Sunday in June, July and 1st half Aug. My kids are still quite young. I told myself after covid I'd start saying "no" more and just doing the things I want but I feel so obligated and guilty

It sounds like your friendships started to change long before Covid when your family member became unwell, not really as a result of Covid.

We socialise much as we did before Covid now. Our area is pretty sociable and the children enjoy it.

I think some people are very reluctant to socialise as they did three years ago, for whatever reason. Maybe we’ve lost the art of casual conversation, small talk and interaction. We rarely socialise now and part of me does miss it.

I took the opportunity to weed out some friendships that we weren’t bothered about. It was lockdown that made me realise I hadn’t missed them.

We still see close friends. What I have found though is the pubs closing early around our way! 10pm a lot of them. I tried to book a table for dinner the other Sunday evening and they said the kitchen closed at 6.30 on a Sunday!

Yes, that’s exactly it. I miss the small talk and casual conversation.

I understand you had the realisation during lockdown, but did you not have the opportunity before?

Yes, I agree with the weeding out bit too. Maybe that’s not a bad thing though.

Our friendships definitely changed as a result of the illness. We were just too tired to socialise and also not in the right frame of mind. But I always assumed that would be temporary. I guess I’m now wondering why some of that hasn’t gone back to how it was before?

I wonder about people eg living alone - it's not important if you have family to chat to but it might be worse for those on their own.

I feel like people are less inclined to socialise after lockdown. I feel like it’s a bit of burnout and a bit of ‘well we managed without it, so why bother?’

I find it a bit difficult really as my family aren’t nearby and aren’t great, so friends and public places - events/classes/restaurants etc are quite important to me. But it feels like most people I know are focusing on what matters to them more post-lockdown, which is family.

and it’s probably a bit the cost of living too, driving people to spend less and businesses to really look at how long their kitchens open as above! Bizarre to close at 6:30pm on a Sunday but it’s obv not cost effective for them to be open longer.

Yes exactly this for me. Lockdown was super isolating as a solo mum with no family nearby, so I was quite keen for things to go back to normal

Hope things are ok for you now CherryReid!

I will have a look at that, thank you.

No, we are back to pre pandemic normal. Actually busier as there's so much catching up to do, especially this summer!

I was out in Liverpool last night after a gig and there were plenty of young-uns out in big groups and couples having dinner etc. The thing that has changed for me/our circle is "hosting". I don't want to tidy and cook or buy in snacks for guests, and our long-distance friends would rather book a room than sleep on our airbed. NCT friend visits (here and at theirs) have gone from fortnightly to maybe every 6 weeks.

People's lives regularly change like this, but it's striking because everyone has had the same reset.

I'm skipping a social invite right now. We had the in laws round to go out to dinner and drinks at ours til midnight last night, and we have my parents over for lunch tomorrow.

That's plenty for me, and my husband accidentally talked me out of tonight, saying that I wouldn't enjoy it unless I drank. I agreed, and didn't want to drink again, so I'm on the sofa!

I think that people have reconnected with good friends, and to relatives to whom they were close, and made a big effort to stay in touch and arrange things.

They maybe realised simultaneously that they weren’t that bothered about resuming the monthly lunch with the people they met at yoga in 1999, nor visiting cousin Sarah and Auntie Val who are nice people but not a social priority.

I honestly don’t think that any of it is deliberate either. It’s just happened.

@GreenClock - I think that's a big part of it- somefriendships and family obligations that really should have drifted years ago - covid created a natural 'distance' - one thing people forget is you may have say 5 goodfriends and for you they are a priority but several of those friends may have a much wider circle and you are just one of many, many friends and acquaintances and sadly you aren't quite as much a priority as they are to you.

I think it is bound to have done with some people having moved to working from home some or all of the time. Even if the periods of restriction had been much shorter I think this would have happened.

We socialise as much as before. But then most people we know tried to maintain as much normalcy as possible through Covid and did as much as was permitted within the rules, interpreting any vagueness as widely as possible, so that probably made a difference.

Thank you all for your replies. It's good to know that there are still plenty of people (maybe younger than me) socialising out there. I was beginning to wonder if lockdown had turned all of us into hermits. And for those of you who are finding things more difficult at the moment, I hope that you cross paths with someone else in a similar situation to you, grateful for the offer of meeting for a coffee or a walk in the park.