To not know what order is best for my life/age gap help?

[NCed4Help]

So, I have one DD who is nearly 2.
I start an access course to retrain, this September. And then plan on doing the 3 year part time masters after this year.

I will be in study (part time) and working condensed hours, from Sept 22, to summer 2026 (4 year study)

If I hadn't planned to retrain my ideal age gap was 3 years.

I'm just in a bit of a spin about how things seem to be clashing and life is feeling a bit out of control with how retraining is throwing a spanner in the works.

I would potentially be looking at an age gap of 5/6 years! I would be about 34

What would you do?

That makes so much sense OP. I think it's why your post resonated with me because I feel this kind of paralysis when making big decisions, and have always been so desperate to get everything "right".

What life has taught me is that even with the best laid and most researched plans, unpredictable things happen. And also, you never know how the alternative choices would have turned out anyway. Try not to give yourself such a hard time about planning it all perfectly (hard I know!!) because plans always have to change die to circumstances, or things not being how you predicted, they always have to be fluid to some extent.

It's great to try to be rational about it but also trust your instincts - there is no "right" way so do what feels right for you and then work out as best you can what that looks like logistically, but try to have some plan Bs and Cs in place too so it feels less pressured.

Masking also takes a HUGE toll. I am still trying to "unlearn" it now but do not underestimate the additional stress and overwhelm that will be placing on you. It has been much easier since my diagnosis and having the support of amazing autistic friends, to cope with things and understand how they impact me and not be so hard on myself. I would definitely recommend pursuing the diagnosis and getting support.

When my GP referred me she said "it's incredibly rare for a woman to come and ask for a referral for autism and end up being wrong about it, in my experience". Almost all of my autistic female friends were only diagnosed as adults after referring themselves, despite having seen so many different health professionals earlier in their lives. 🙈