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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

finding this selfish?

25 replies

lolaritchie · 18/06/2022 14:29

aibu for thinking my partner is being a selfish prick?

we've got italian background so quite enjoy going out for coffee with friends/family over the weekend to enjoy an espresso or two. my partners family tested positive for covid a week ago.

we've repeatedly been informed that after the 5th day you're not typically contagious, and by the UK regulations, you're free to go about your normal life even once testing positive, going to work etc. his parents have continued to go to work, and they went out for a coffee today, my partner deciding he was going to go as well.

we have a 7 month old, and i think it's selfish of him for risking catching something, especially with a baby living with him! i don't care that they might not be contagious at this point, i wouldn't risk my baby.

aibu for being really annoyed at partner, he doesn't believe in covid, stating it's just a "flu" so doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. i've promised that if we somehow catch anything that it's seriously going to cause an issue with our relationship.

aibu and exaggerating, i feel like im being more than reasonable, but want to make sure!!

OP posts:
Original poster
lolaritchie · 18/06/2022 14:47

TIA x

OP posts:
alwaysmovingforwards · 18/06/2022 14:48

Sorry to say it, but your partner and his family sound like they're a bit thick.

Everydayimhuffling · 18/06/2022 14:51

Babies can and do die from flu, so I wouldn't knowingly see someone with flu either if I had a small baby. He's being unreasonable.

TooHotTooGreedy · 18/06/2022 15:13

‘He doesn’t believe in Covid’ 🙄

cases are increasing and I know several people who have had it recently and been really poorly, I wouldn’t want to risk a DP and/or baby feeling that way.
YANBU.

Topgub · 18/06/2022 15:18

Would depend on lots of factors, including that unless none of you ever leave the house, you could catch it anywhere

When we're your in laws positive?

Where is he meeting them?

WalkWithDignityAndPride · 18/06/2022 16:07

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ComtesseDeSpair · 18/06/2022 16:09

They’re following official guidelines that they are now “in the clear”if they tested positive a week ago. You and your partner and baby will be coming into contact with dozens of people a week who are just out of the recommended isolation period, without even being aware of it.

girlmom21 · 18/06/2022 16:11

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Conceived quite far into the pandemic too so you can't claim you didn't know this would happen

AdobeWanKenobi · 18/06/2022 16:16

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How, in any way, is that helpful?

SavoirFlair · 18/06/2022 16:16

girlmom21 · 18/06/2022 16:11

Conceived quite far into the pandemic too so you can't claim you didn't know this would happen

Show quote history

That's right everyone! If your partner shows signs of ignorance or wilful disregard of Covid-19...

LEAVE THEM IMMEDIATELY.

DO NOT REPRODUCE. Under any circumstance.

If however they're lazy, feckless, financially abusive, poor hygiene, prone to infidelity, then you CAN reasonably claim you wouldn't know this would happen. And you're free to start a thread on Mumsnet where others will actually be supportive.

🙄

I mean...

give the OP a break people. She's come on here with a valid question. And yes OP, he's being selfish and unreasonable, but this can be talked out.

paulajon · 18/06/2022 16:25

While I'd avoid exposing a baby to it, covid does seem to have been over-egged by most governments.
Remember when they told us if we got jabbed, we'd neither get nor pass on covid? They're onto their third booster (5th jab!) in Israel now and their 'cases' keep going up.
As to the 'Italian' bit - aren't Italians supposed to love their kids/grandkids as much if not more than the rest of us?
So, no - you're not being unreasonable in the circumstances you describe. You're just being a concerned mother.
Perhaps ask the grandparents if they'd really like to be responsible for anything Covid-y that might happen to their grandchild?

Badgirlriri · 18/06/2022 17:08

YABU. They’re not doing anything wrong and babies aren’t at high risk of being ill with covid.

girlmom21 · 18/06/2022 17:15

@SavoirFlair what is it with people making shit up here today?

If you know your partner is a covid-denier be prepared for them to not care about covid around your baby.

If you know your partner is a shit dad to the children he had with his ex wife, be prepared for him to be a shit dad to the children you have with him too.

If you know your partner is an alcoholic, dont expect that he'll give up alcohol when the baby is born.

If my partner was an anti-vaxxer I wouldn't have had children with him. If my partner believed in smacking children I wouldn't have had children with him. If my partner was a lazy bum I wouldn't have had children with him.

TigerRag · 18/06/2022 17:19

Badgirlriri · 18/06/2022 17:08

YABU. They’re not doing anything wrong and babies aren’t at high risk of being ill with covid.

In what way are babies not at high risk? They've not been vaccniacted against Covid.

paulajon · 18/06/2022 17:40

"In what way are babies not at high risk? They've not been vaccniacted against Covid."

The ONS website says that in the UK, from 3 Jan 2020 to 7 May 2021, there were two deaths of babies under 1 year old. Divide that by the number of babies and you'll have a very low risk number.
Contrast that to the ONS data for all deaths in 2021 for babies under 1 year old and the number is just under 2500, and the conclusion must be that covid is far from your greatest worry regarding your baby.

paulajon · 18/06/2022 17:42

(Should have made clearer that the two deaths were registered as covid.)

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/06/2022 18:00

He clearly does “believe in Covid”, because he acknowledges it’s a mild flu-like virus. Which it is for the vast majority of people, and particularly for children. His parents clearly “believe in Covid” because they’re among the minority still testing themselves for it now that tests aren’t free and virtually nobody bothers anymore. They clearly aren’t “deniers.” OP just happens to be on the more hardcore cautious side of the fence - which doesn’t mean that her opinion is the right one.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 18/06/2022 18:01

Sorry I can't get over you thinking going for a coffee with family is because you have Italian heritage 😂😂

Do you think Brits never go for an espresso at a cafe?

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 18/06/2022 18:06

I love going out for coffee too. I must have unknown Italian heritage

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 18/06/2022 18:07

TheWayoftheLeaf · 18/06/2022 18:01

Sorry I can't get over you thinking going for a coffee with family is because you have Italian heritage 😂😂

Do you think Brits never go for an espresso at a cafe?

Ha ha great minds 😂😂

Original poster
lolaritchie · 19/06/2022 10:14

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 18/06/2022 18:06

I love going out for coffee too. I must have unknown Italian heritage

i mean quite literally 5 days a week. over exaggerated amounts of going out for a coffee

OP posts:
Original poster
lolaritchie · 19/06/2022 10:18

Topgub · 18/06/2022 15:18

Would depend on lots of factors, including that unless none of you ever leave the house, you could catch it anywhere

When we're your in laws positive?

Where is he meeting them?

inside a closed cafe, and they tested positive sunday, FIL tested negative sunday, then started getting symptoms during the week but didn't tell us when he got positive because refused to test, so don't know when FIL caught it. but MIL tested on sunday

OP posts:
paulajon · 19/06/2022 19:40

I'd definitely draw the line if your OH insists on seeing his parents for coffee if/when they test positive for monkeypox (or whatever the new 'non-racist' term is.)

LuaDipa · 19/06/2022 19:47

It doesn’t matter whether you think Covid is simply a flu, I wouldn’t want to expose my baby to flu or any illness unnecessarily.

Fwiw, I had Covid for the first time the other week. Legally I may not have to, but I wfh and isolated from my family because I’m not a dick and I don’t want to knowingly make anyone else ill. I tested positive until day 10, so I isolated until day 10. And yes I know you no longer have to test, but I was happy to do so.

Your dh and pil are pretty selfish.

Original poster
lolaritchie · 19/06/2022 20:47

LuaDipa · 19/06/2022 19:47

It doesn’t matter whether you think Covid is simply a flu, I wouldn’t want to expose my baby to flu or any illness unnecessarily.

Fwiw, I had Covid for the first time the other week. Legally I may not have to, but I wfh and isolated from my family because I’m not a dick and I don’t want to knowingly make anyone else ill. I tested positive until day 10, so I isolated until day 10. And yes I know you no longer have to test, but I was happy to do so.

Your dh and pil are pretty selfish.

it's common sense, right? i'd think anyone would AVOID making anyone else unwell? moreso, if it's their grandchild/child. apparently i exaggerate for refusing to let my child see them until they're covid-free because it's day 9 and they're no longer "contagious" /:

OP posts:
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