To be unhappy with my weight/body despite a healthy BMI?

[bmiquestion]

Just wanting to know whether or not I'm alone with this as it really feels like it.

I'm 37; I am almost 5' 9" and weigh about 10 stone 12lbs (sometimes 11 stone depending on time of day I get on the scales). This puts my BMI at the top end of the "healthy" range, BUT I absolutely hate my body.

I have two DC with quite an age gap (first was born when I was in my early 20s and youngest is only 14 months old). After DC1 I literally pinged back into shape - I was a very skinny size 8 throughout my 20s with little effort, even after having DC1. I stayed that way until mid 30s and maintained it with regular exercise. Before I got pregnant with DC2 at the age of 35 I was around 9.5-10 stone ish and a size 8. I was also toned, physically fit and happy with my body.

Since DC2's birth I am really, really unhappy. DC2 was on the large side and as a result my ab muscles were stretched to capacity and have now all but collapsed. I have a "pouch" of fat on my tummy which was never there before, my arms are flabby and my thighs are huge. I wear a size 10-12 now. I'm always too exhausted to exercise or I don't have the time around work and looking after kids.

The scales tell me I'm a healthy weight for my height with a BMI of about 22.5 ish. Friends and colleagues tell me "there's nothing on me" and that I still have a nice figure but I am so unhappy. I find you don't get much in the way of sympathetic responses when you are technically a healthy weight but you complain about your body.

The thing is it's just SO different to how I've ever looked, and that's what makes me unhappy. People don't get that - it's all relative isn't it.

Sorry just needed to vent. Am I alone with this? Anyone else with a healthy BMI who hates their body (post pregnancy or otherwise) and struggling to change it?

YANBU.
I’m 5’9 but at the top end of my BMI I looked like Buddha!
I’m much happier after dropping to the lower end of my BMI and I now have a tummy flatter than pre DC.

Thank you for your reply. Good to know I'm not alone!

That's amazing, well done. Did you just achieve that with exercise? I used to go to the gym a few times a week and ran once a week pre DC2. I need to get it back! Just have to find some time / energy from somewhere 🤔

Nope your not. I have a simular bmi but much shorter. 5 ft 3 and just over 9 stone. Weight fine but hate my bodyshape and always have done even pre kids. I have always been very pear-shaped no matter what weight I am. That won't change unless I went to the gym a lot and did certain exercises regular etc but nothing will get rid of my bubble butt🤣

Did you just achieve that with exercise?

nope. I did not do a stroke of exercise. I just joined My Fitness Pal and started weighing and logging all my food. I stuck to around 1,500 calories a day. I was waiting for an operation and total unable to exercise. My maintenance calories are around 1,700 now so god only knows how much I was actually eating before to get to my top weight. Wine was a huge part of it though!

Of course it's okay to want to change. The whole point of BMI being a range is that each person will have a different ideal within that range. So a bigger boned frame will look best at the top of the healthy range and a delicate frame better at the lower end of the range. Then obviously your fat/muscle ratio will also affect your appearance, and well as exactly where you are carrying any spare pounds!

If you want to lose weight, lose weight, and don't worry about what other people think. People are funny about weight depending on if it's a sensitive subject or if they have strong opinions on what they consider healthy, etc. Best to just confide in a couple of people for support, and don't tell all and sundry that you feel fat 😁

I know how easy it is to be self critical - but honestly, it does sound like you need to accept yourself a bit more. Your lovely healthy body has brought two children into the world…of course it will change a bit! Just as you’re not going to look like a fresh faced 18 year old when you are 75, you have to accept that physical changes can and will occur over a lifetime. Your BMI and dress sizes prove you are very slim - and if you think your thighs are ‘huge’ at a size 10, you are misguided!

lf this really troubles you I would think about talking to someone about this, because it sounds like it could be a self esteem issue 💐

Your BMI and dress sizes prove you are very slim - and if you think your thighs are ‘huge’ at a size 10, you are misguided!

This. You've got an erroneous impression about how you look, and it may be good to seek some support with this.

I write as someone who is personally very self-critical about my body and in times of stress & upset, deal with it by restricting my eating, eating poorly. (Which I am trying to work on)

On the wider issue of your body shape, of course you are not unreasonable to want to change. For me, exercise has given me a toned fit body, quite muscular & it really matters to me. I exercise daily with weights / HIIT / cardio at least 5 days a week. Until my 3rd DC I ran regularly, after I had him, I felt really untoned & running wasn't doing enough. I changed to more HIIT, circuits etc & love it.

If you could make some changes to your shape, you might feel better overall, as clearly you are already a slim build.

The good news you're not a million miles away from a lower BMI weight so just crack on with exercise and if needed get surgery. There is a lot to be said about body shape, muscle, tone, skin elasticity. You knew your body before so you know the difference. I would suggest you don't make negative comments about your body in front of others.. nothing good comes out of this. They either feel more self conscious about their own size and weight or would pity you for having deep body issues. Plus, it's not like airing your body insecurities is going to solve them and get you to your ideal body! So put in some serious working out and clean up the diet.

I hear you OP. I've also always been a size, and relatively active. Had DC2 14 months ago and am really struggling to feel like me again. I'm only about 3-4 kg heavier than my usual size, but I feel a bit lumpy and meh. None of my go to clothes look as good as they used to. DC doesn't sleep well (has never slept through) and I find it hard to maintain exercise because I'm always shattered or trying to spend some time playing with the kids or doing at least a minimum of housework, alongside work etc. I've just had a serious talk with myself about not constantly snacking, and am getting off my backside more. Hoping by the end of the summer I feel a litte fitter and in shape.