Turning 30 was an emotional time for me too.
I don't like celebrating my birthdays in a big way (I find it quite overbearing and exhausting as I generally lead a quiet life) so I purposefully didn't arrange anything.
However, at the last minute I was struck by the feeling that I should be doing something, and ended up contacting my friends a few days before.
Obviously as it was such short notice most weren't able to come (families/travel to consider), but a couple of them did. I was very grateful to them, but I couldn't help feeling a bit down about the fact that my birthday was so small compared to some of their big celebrations.
I was fully aware how illogical this feeling was given I hadn't arranged anything or asked anyone else to, but I found it hard to shake the feeling. I was comparing their trips to Paris/huge surprise parties (that had been planned months in advance) with my small last minute gathering.
The emotional part of my mind concluded that my party was smaller because I was less important and less well liked than them (probably a repressed fear creeping out!). Logically, I know if I had planned something well in advance and made a big fuss about it loads more people would have come.
It's hard when your feelings and logical mind don't align. You want to feel one way but you can't help but feel something else. Personally, it makes me feel disjointed and out of control.
I have previous form for getting wasted/emotional at significant events so went out of my way to limit my drinking on the night. If I hadn't I'd have ended up in tears, no question. No doubt I would have made the people who did turn up feel unappreciated.
Where I'm going with this is you should go easy on yourself, OP. Give yourself a pass on this one. You drank too much at an emotional time. Apologise to those who you were rude to, explain you didn't think you'd feel so emotional about turning 30 that it took you by surprise, and move on.