To be upset about this?

[UndertheCedartree]

I might just be sensitive here. But, this really annoys/upsets me.

I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years. I feel like his family sometimes act as if I don't exist. I actually get on with them all really well. But particularly his mum seems to do this. This is the latest...

So, my boyfriend is in hospital at the moment for his mental health. His birthday is coming up. I suggested to him that we could go for lunch and I would ask his family to see if they could come. When I asked his mum you already had made her own plan to come up in the afternoon with his sister. But what annoys me is she doesn't speak to me to make sure our plans don't clash or so that we can all be together. Luckily, I contacted her as the time we were planning to go for lunch would mean he would have no leave left by the time they came. It makes me feel kind of left out and not important. I'm not going to make a big deal of it but I do find it annoying.

I hope your boyfriend is okay and is on the road to recovery.

I totally get why you would be upset about this. Especially as people can feel “part of the family” after being with their other half’s after a few years.

I think she either:

• Is one of those types of people who don’t consider others thoughts/feelings (& not out of spite. She might not have given you a second thought or thinking the two of you would have made your own plans)
• She wanted to see him with family only.
• Is worried about him and not really thinking straight.

Either way, don’t overthink it too much. It’s not a massive get-together that you have been personally excluded from.

Id speak to your boyfriend and mention you feel hurt, he could speak with his mum and ask her if you can join them, if that’s what he wants. Or just plan something as the two of you.

As has been said many times now, he is in a psychiatric hospital because he is unwell and can't 'sort his own plans' currently. If I'm controlling for trying to ensure that he gets to see his family on his birthday which will make him happy and them happy, and for ensuring his mum doesn't have a wasted trip, then so be it.

Ah, thank you, that's very kind. I hope he will be on the road to recovery soon, not quite there yet.

I think she just didn't give a thought that I might be seeing him on his birthday but not out of spite as you say. But I thought after 4 years she would remember me!! She doesn't seem to want to see him just with family. I mean the whole family has been really welcoming to me which is why it seems strange than she does this!

She hasn't actually organised anything with my DBF she just had her own plans to go up in the afternoon. I've planned the time of the lunch which some of the family are coming to, so that we can then meet with his mum and sister later back at the hospital and he'll still have a decent amount of leave left.

YANBU OP.

I don't understand the leave thing. Is he only allowed to leave the hospital for a certain amount of time?

Yes, when you are in a psychiatric hospital the psychiatrist decides on how much leave you can have. He only has 3 hours, currently.