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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DS and anxiety

5 replies

XantThinkOfAnything · 17/06/2022 20:06

DS 12 is a quiet, gentle boy with anxiety and it spikes from time to time. This week he has had a few issues at school with 2 boys from his group of friends doing daft things - low level bullying and called him short a couple of times, scribbling on his bag, and today during one lesson said his name loudly in class a few times and laughed and he didn't know why they were laughing. So not major bullying that dc of some posters may have experienced but it's enough to send DS's anxiety skyhigh and he isn't eating, he's withdrawn and teary and saying he hates school and wants to be homeschooled. We've given him lots of reassurance over the week but haven't contacted the school at his request. But Monday I will be ringing them so they can support him in some way as well as the GP for a referral to camhs. (I emailed his previous practitioner and she said waiting list isn't too long and ask for a referral). He has had CBT before for OCD and anxiety and it helped. He was also diagnosed with ASD in January though his friends don't know about this and it's hard to tell he is neurodiverse as he masks really well.

My heart breaks seeing him become a shell of his previous self, he can't handle anybody calling him names or laughing at him. He's very sensitive and takes even the littlest things to heart. He won't answer back. He did tell them he doesn't like it though but boys at this age think nothing of it and carry on. I would like him to build some resilience and let certain things slide because I know kids say it more when they know the person is visibly affected.

Sorry I'm rambling with my post is everywhere and its not an AIBU but I'm just so concerned about his wellbeing. I want to ask, does anyone else have a child like this? Is there anything that helped? How else can I support him through this difficult time? He keeps saying he hates school and will never like it again and wants to be homeschooled.

OP posts:
XantThinkOfAnything · 17/06/2022 21:50

Bump (sorry).

OP posts:
Moonface123 · 17/06/2022 22:24

Have you looked on the Not Fine At School website ? l found it to be quite helpful when my own son was diagnosed with an anxiety and panic disorder at 13. Seems a very common age for this type of issue. My son is 16 now and doing much better, CAHMs did assure me that most teenagers are able to manage their anxiety better as they become older teens, which is reassuring.
In the meantime l would try and encourage your son to read up as much as he can re anxiety, l know that some teenagers have made youtube videos re their own issues with school and anxiety and speak very honestly about the obstacles they face. Over thinking and negative thinking has a big impact on triggering anxiety, your son needs to be mindful of his thought patterns, not to force positive thoughts, but try and stay neutral, makes a big difference.

Thethuthinang · 17/06/2022 22:30

My son was bullied some (not too badly from my perspective) in lower grades and was quite anxious. Martial arts gave him some confidence and the ability to make attempts to bully him physically not worthwhile. We did end up homeschooling him, mainly because it was a better fit academically (he is gifted/learning disabled). He made friends much more easily in our large local homeschool community and had been very happy. He's now a confident graduate with many friends and a sweetheart. But I would hesitate to recommend homeschooling if you do not have a critical mass of others locally to hang out with.

XantThinkOfAnything · 17/06/2022 23:00

Thank you for the replies.
@Moonface123 I have heard of it and will check it out. Great idea about youtubers with anxiety as he will be able to relate better to people his own age.

He's been having assessments past few weeks and I could tell the anxiety was building up a little and he seemed a little overwhelmed, and then this week he's had a number of football injuries (negative thoughts about bad luck and being clumsy, and friends being weird with him, it's all collectively triggered an anxiety spike to the point he feels he can't cope with it all.

@Thethuthinang My son has joined a MMA club which involves boxing, grappling and self defence. I had to force him at first but he now enjoys it. The reason I pushed him is for his self confidence as he is very self conscious about his height and slight build and feels he is weak compared to other boys. I'm glad homeschooling worked out for you and your DS is doing so well I would absolutely love to homeschool DS as he is a dream at home but I wouldn't have a clue where to start! And I don't know anyone locally who does.

OP posts:
Perfectstorm72 · 28/06/2022 18:55

You are welcome to join Define Fine CIC we are a national peer support group based around school attendance issues. Our group is here for support www.facebook.com/groups/773420163493553/ and we also have a free guide based on all up to date and relevant legislation and government guidance

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