How much time should you spend holding and cuddling your baby ?

[seriouslywhyisthis]

I have a baby, number two. I'm so busy and overwhelmed with my first, who's 2 and a half and a handful !

My baby is only a few weeks old and it dawned on me that I might not be picking him up and cuddling him as much as I should. He doesn't cry much at all. More a complainer and gets a bit fussy, at which points I go to him. But sometimes I'm literally trying to stop my toddler from killing herself by accident and I can't rush to him every time immediately.

I had a friend come over recently with her first baby and as soon as the baby was showing any kind of fussiness she was immediately picked up and cuddled etc.

I don't leave my baby to cry by any means. But if he's happy to just chill, I will happily leave him and keep an eye on him of course, for a few hours. If he starts fussing, sometimes he'll be left a few minutes and stops by himself occasionally. I don't know if that's terrible? I do cuddle him a fair amount and hold him too, but not constantly.. like my friend seemed to.

Anyway just wondering what others think ? Am I a terrible mother ? It feels that way sometimes as my toddler has tantrums when I hold the baby for too long. And not sure I'm doing a good job with the baby either. The toddler is definitely more challenging than the baby right now.

You’re a great mum!

Your baby will be fine. People have had multiple kids forever, humanity has survived. Don’t worry about it :)

Whatever works for you is fine, so long at you're not neglecting the baby's needs. Could you use a sling to get the best of both worlds?

He's loved and that's all that matters - he is fine

I think you're a very typical mother of two very young children.

You're following your instincts and tending to the child that needs you most in the moment.

You're doing fine and very likely doing a great job 💐

Totally normal feeling. I remember DS2 would spend ages smiling away before I even noticed - felt awful, but he's exceptionally cheerful now, so don't think it's scarred him for life.

I'm in exactly the same boat. DD2 is now 7 months and is much more chilled out, whereas DD1 is quite clingy.
It will get easier as they get a bit older.

But if he's happy to just chill, I will happily leave him and keep an eye on him of course, for a few hours.

Your baby is a few weeks old, and chills for a few hours?? Is he awake?

I'd kill for a baby like that.

But to answer your question, I think you're fine. I have the opposite problem, DD2 is a few weeks old and is not happy to be left, and I worry that DD1 is being a bit neglected because DD1 is screaming.

If the baby seems happy that’s fine OP. I held mine constantly because he screamed blue murder if I put him down for months.

My first loved a bouncy chair but younger would barely tolerate it for a few mins.

Don’t overthink it or compare your parenting styles to anyone else. Sounds like you’re doing a fab job💐

My 4th child was mainly in the background as a baby - as i was busy with the older ones - she is 4 now and happy - but very assertive!

With my first I sat and cuddled him for houuuuuuuuuurs at a time. With my second who came along 20 months later, I tried my best to respond when he cried (constantly) but a lot of the time he did have to wait for me. Number three, who came along when number one was four, pretty much got plonked on a playmat and left to it.

All three are fine and we have a great bond but if anything, it's the first one who I struggle with the most. Number three is very sunny and confident and we are very close.

Your relationship develops in lots of ways but in my experience coddling them a lot when they are little can actually inhibit their confidence. I was very 'helicopter mum' with my first and he is very cautious and lacks confidence in himself, he asks for a lot of help with things he can do himself perfectly well and can be quite lazy. Now this might just be his personality but the other two are quite different and if I'm being honest I did treat them differently to my first - they were left to try things, explore and given a lot more freedom and I think it helped them actually.

Similar age gap to mine, I was beyond grateful that my second would happily sit in her bouncy chair watching the world go by! She's very cuddly now at 2 so that's all good. You're doing amazing!

You’re doing fine imo.

I have a 2 month old and a 13 month old. My son always chills by himself whilst I deal with my 13 month old DD who likes to walk round the house causing havoc. My son spent the first 6 weeks in NICU so he’s used to laying down and just self soothing.

I try and cuddle him as often as I can but I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with not holding your baby 24/7. As long as you’re attending to him when he needs to be seen too (which you are) then all good

My two are like that DD1 can absolutely not be left on her own for 2 minutes without getting into some sort of trouble. dd2 is very chilled out and happy to just watch the world go by. I spent a long time stressing over neglecting DD2. They are now 5 & 3 and DD2 is the happiest little soul.

I used to worry about this with my twins but I make sure to make the most of the time - they don't usually nap at the same time so I'll cuddle and play with one when the other is asleep. One prefers to fall asleep next to me compared to the other in their cot so get solo time them. If they are both crying....we'll someone has to wait. I make sure plenty of eye contact using their names making sure I'm engaged when they want to play

Definitely this!

My first were twins, so it wasn't physically possible for me to be cuddling both of them all the time. Sometimes one would be crying while the other had his bum changed - they're 13 now and I promise you, completely happy well adjusted kids.

You're doing a fab job.