To wonder how some people afford/manage their lifestyles?

[Sunseaandicecreams]

Having had two children go through primary school I've noticed how many mums and dads manage to drop off and pick up the dc together each day and go to all of the events together as well as being quite involved in every day school life.

I'm sure that most of these people do work or at least one parent works, and some of this is way before working from home became a big thing, or the dads will be dressed as though they do manual work. They seemingly have nice lifestyles with nice clothes, two nice cars, holidays.

This isn't a jealous rant I'm just genuinely curious how people manage it.

Dh earns 50k and I earn around 12k working part time, we do have a nice lifestyle, our mortgage is quite high, but we only have one very old car, but dh has to do a lot of hours meaning he's rarely/never around at school pick up time. Unless he books the day off he's never at the school.

I suppose what I'm asking is if you have a really good work life balance and are working outside of the home what do you do?

I work for myself and mainly from home (was a SAHM for years but did this before dc so not a covid thing). Dh is an associate professor. He has some things that can't be moved but has lots if flexibility so does school drop off 4 days a week (I sometimes join him)and pick up once a week. We don't use any childcare but I start working very early 4 days a week and we often work in the evenings too.

We both work but have flexibility in our roles to manage diaries around to enable us to attend. I do drop off and dh does pick up but we use after school club for 30 mins for flexibility and to avoid the end of school rush.

Also dh works 7-3, we need flexibility as sometimes he has calls or will work over.

Debt
flexible working and wfh
Use holiday
Inheritance
lottery win

Er, some people have more money than others?

I don't really get what's hard to grasp about this. It was ever thus.

DH and I both work full time but we have enough seniority to have flexibility. Often we'll do the drop off and pick ups, but I might then work 7.30-10pm to make up for the school run/assembly/PTA meeting/Governors meeting etc

or the dads will be dressed as though they do manual work

Lots of male manual work is well paid and flexible.

DH sold his businesses, but before this would arrange his diaries around certain fixtures that were important to Ds / me. This probs looks idyllic to the outsider, but means he had his fair share of 20 hour days and 2am phone calls that people didn’t see behind the scenes.

Lots of manual worker dads in the building trade start early and finish early if they work for themselves, so can do school pick ups.

Construction has been quite well paid in the last few years, so they could well have earned similarly, or more than your DH.

Plus they can generally do all their own DIY/refurbishment or have lots of mates in the trade to mutually help each other out, plus get trade prices for materials, so the cost of them maintaining a nice house is a lot less than for people who have to pay them to do the same to theirs.

You say your DH 'has to do a lot of hours' but if he has an office based job, there's often an awful lot of presenteeism involved and many men hide at the office to avoid having to get involved with school runs, sick days and dinner/bath/bedtime routines. Ask yourself if your DH might be one of those.

Yes, this. We didn’t have DS until we were both 39 and senior enough in our careers to be able to be very flexible — and I’m an academic, so flexible enough anyway. It’s only once a week in any ordinary week that neither of us picks up/drops off, but that’s the case with a lot of parents at his school, which has a pretty mixed demographic, with a bias in favour of people who work in the arts.

Plus maybe the mums work full time and/or earn more than you do OP?

Or they might work shifts so while they can often be around during school hours, might have come off a night shift or have worked at the weekend or in the evenings?

Or if they have an office job, they'll need to work after DC bedtime to keep up?

They could have inheritence or parental help with buying a property or bought when younger, so their mortgage is less than yours?

Lots and lots of reasons that make it pointless comparing, so you just have to see what changes you can make to improve your own circumstances. Can you work more? Can your DH flex or shorten his hours? Why does he 'have' to work a lot of hours and can he change that?

Quite. My mum's upstairs neighbour - very nice period conversion flat in Surrey-drove a Porsche.

Sorry forgot to say, he was a plasterer

My dh self employed and I have flexibility with work, both work full time.

We've both almost always managed to go to all school events.

Yes loads of that here, both parents regularly do pick ups etc. it’s a private school as well as they must have to do some work at some point surely?!

I earn over £70k and can do nearly every school drop off /pick up. DH covers any I can't do and earns similar. We have a relaxed dress code at work.

I work hard every evening to make up the time but that won't be obvious to a casual observer on the school run

A lot of well-off people get financial help from family and inheritances.

My DH works in construction (albeit in a senior management role), wears hi-vis vest, steel toe boots etc but earns over 70 K.
There’s a lot of snobbery as people would look down on him when he is in work uniform but we have a lovely lifestyle, he loves his job AND he is home at 5 pm to spend time with me and our DS.
Appeareances can be deceiving….

I have often wondered the same op,99.9. % I am by myself.

@BarbaraofSeville dh doesn't work in an office and he's definitely not hiding at work. He's an engineer but has to put in a lot of overtime to get the money. We do all our own DIY absolutely everything ourselves.

I'm not complaining because we do have a nice lifestyle but dh doesn't have any work life balance.

I work partly from home and partly field based / overseas / away in the UK and do a lot if school stuff. I'm the only person in the UK doing my job so manage my own diary. My boss us overseas and takes the view that as long as the job gets done he doesn't mind when it gets done - so I might go to sports day but catch up on email in the evening. I'm generally very casually dressed especially on wfh days!
DP is a retail manager and as the manager is in control of the rota so when I know I'm going to be away he makes sure he's free. DS generally goes to after school club once or twice a week at most.

My husband does slightly longer hours Monday to Wednesday so he can finish early on Thursday and Friday. He does school pick up. Sometimes we do it together as I don't start work until 4 on those days. Our combined income is around £50k but we don't have cars or lease, have a fairly small mortgage (£700pm) and don't do expensive holidays etc.

It's honestly not that hard to grasp/imagine.

Some people have more money.
Some have more debt.
Some places are cheaper to live.
Some people inherit.

We manage a good work life balance because DH (manual work) works shifts, and I WFH.

He is more highly paid (in a factory) than I am 4 days p.w as a solicitor. I don't have to commute and I'm trusted to be flexible.

One of us is always available for pick ups and drop offs and for events if we choose.