To not want to live off spaghetti bolognese?!

[Bancha]

I am trying to do the weekly meal plan and I don’t want to eat the same meals yet again! Toddler is 2.5 years and is quite fussy with food. On nursery days we get a pass because she has tea there and something small when we get home depending on how hungry she is. But that leaves four days a week to find something she will eat for tea with us.

I think I’ve followed all the advice on here - we eat the same as her, sometimes adding bits to ours that she won’t touch. When she doesn’t eat we don’t comment on it. Try not to put any pressure on her or seem like we want her to eat. If she doesn’t eat she can have toast or cereal so she’s not hungry but not another meal or snacks. But she will only reliably eat spaghetti bolognese, sometimes pasta with tomato sauce (extra veg blended in), pasta with pesto, and pizza. God forbid I try to add peas.

Of course, madam eats nearly everything at nursery.

Am I alone in this? Is this my life now? I’m so sick of bolognese!

I'd just make a load up and freeze it in small portions for her.

Just keep eating together and offering new foods.

Stop giving cereal/toast instead

she eats for nursery because they don’t offer her cereal instead!

it’s about control not food. Just eat what you want to eat and don’t engage in endless discussion about it.

DS really likes fajitas because he makes them himself (mini wraps) we just use smoked paprika, cumin, ground coriander, garlic rather than a packet mix and DH and I add hot salsa and chili flakes to ours, DS likes mild salsa , he's even started eating homemade guacamole, we also do quesadillas and the cbeebies my world kitchen chicken enchiladas which DS helps me to make and are really quick if you've got some left over roast chicken

I think you do need to stop offering alternatives, but don't make her eat the whole thing necessarily, just say she has to have a go. Also just dish her up small portions to start with, so it doesn't seem like too much of a challenge.

If she eats everything at nursery then she can certainly manage to eat more than just spaghetti bolognese at home.

I probably wouldn’t offer her toast or cereal as alternatives.

I would just cook whatever you want to eat and then serve it up. Have spaghetti bolognese some nights because you know that she likes it, and have other stuff on other nights. If she doesn't eat it, oh well, she'll be ok. She doesn't need toast or cereal afterwards, that will probably encourage her to continue avoiding the food you cook. Sounds like she's getting variety in her diet if she eats well at nursery. I'd just not worry about it.

My eldest daughter also eats plenty at daycare! She even eats her vegetables. This never happens at home lol. I just keep serving them to her and hope that one day she starts eating them. Nothing is wasted as I feed it to the chickens or put it in the compost.

Stop offering alternatives. She either eats or she doesn't, none of this toast or cereal or yoghurt shit. Give things you know she likes at nursery and leave her to it. If she's full and doesn't eat, that's fine. If she is hungry but doesn't eat it let her be hungry, it's how they learn to self regulate.

Thanks for the replies. We don’t offer alternatives but if she doesn’t eat and is still hungry that’s what we would give her. I’m not okay with sending her to bed hungry.

We have tried ‘build your own’ style meals @RewildingAmbridge and she will enthusiastically put together a meal of things she likes but very little got eaten.

We do small portions, no pressure to eat, doesn’t have to finish. We don’t ask her to try or focus on what she’s eating. She usually starts by crying that she doesn’t want it (exception is spag bol 🙄) and we say oh that’s fine you don’t have to have it, just sit with us while we eat. Often she eats a little of something but only the kind of food I’ve mentioned above. If she asks for fruit I would say yes of course once you’ve had dinner you can have banana or whatever. Often that makes her eat a little though it feels close to bribery?

@RustyShackleford3 so does your DD go to bed hungry? This is what I’m worried about.

You know that this is about power. She eats perfectly while at nursery where no one really cares whether she eats or not. She has picked up that you card and is playing you.

You can play along if you want to or you can offer her a plate of good each night, maybe including a few things she is comfortable with and a few others that are new. She chooses how much if anything to eat.

If she doesn't eat she can have plain water and nothing else til the next meal. She won't go hungry for long.

The key is that you are resolutely indifferent to what snd how much she eats.

Why do I know this? I was very fussy at home and avoided eating with friends until the first meal with now DH. There was something I didn't like and he said 'great , all the more got me'. I tried some and loved it.

Good luck

We don’t offer alternatives but if she doesn’t eat and is still hungry that’s what we would give her. I’m not okay with sending her to bed hungry

But that is exactly offering an alternative. If they don't eat, then they don't eat. Eventually they will when they get hungry enough. Hard lesson.

Often that makes her eat a little though it feels close to bribery?

Every parent, everywhere, in all of eternity, has bribed their children in this way.

Yes, I have sent her to bed hungry before. She cried a bit and then went to sleep. Ate well at breakfast the next morning.

I would love to say that she ate well forever more after that, but that would be a lie. She's better than she used to be, but is still a salad dodger. I just let her get on with it. I tell her that if she's really hungry then she should eat her tea. End of story.

If it's about control give her some, let her choose from some options and also help to make it. I know I mentioned it before but if she watches any TV introduce cbeebies my world kitchen, honestly it's not exactly Michelin star food, but simple healthy family recipes set up so they can be child led. DS (3) will see one he likes and say mummy can we make that, we then write a list I get the ingredients when I go shopping and we cook together. If she's eating at nursery or doesn't seem to be about sensory issues etc. This way she is in control and engaged in the process, DS declares himself the best chef! 😂
You only need to do it once a week or so and those recipes become part of your longer term rotation

With many children, food is a control issue.
Don't turn food into an issue.

The notion of cooking different meals for different family members , generally speaking, is silly, expensive and wasteful.

If I made a curry for the family, I'd portion out the mild version that I'd made and add more heat to the adult one.

Don't fall into the 'my child is very fussy and will only eat chicken nuggets' trap.

@BigWoollyJumpers that made me laugh! I’m sure all the advice online says to try to seem really indifferent to the child’s eating/not eating so not to encourage them (by bribing or otherwise). It sounds like I’ve got this wrong though?

It sounds like the consensus is not to give toast or cereal if she’s still hungry and hasn’t eaten?

Do you all still allow fruit or yoghurt afterwards, or is that a no if they’ve not eaten? I don’t offer but if she asks I say yes as I don’t want to make food into a reward, and saying no because she hasn’t eaten dinner seems like we really care about what she eats, when we’re pretending not to!

@RewildingAmbridge thanks for this idea that’s great. I’ve not heard of that programme before.

I have had her up on a stool cooking and baking with me so many times and she’s so proud of herself and then when it comes to eating it, she’s not interested.

@WishILivedInThrushGreen that’s exactly what I want to avoid! And re the curry, that’s what we do. Only, she won’t eat the bloody curry 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yes, don't give the toast or cereal, it doesn't take long for kids to figure out they don't need to eat their tea because they can just have that instead.

Equally, I used to say no to yogurt if most of dinner hadn't been eaten. Just a simple, you weren't hungry enough to finish your tea, so you don't need anything else. 9 times out of 10 they'd finish their tea and then have the yogurt! It just gives the message that tea is the main, nutritious part of the meal, and dessert is a little extra if still hungry.

I wouldn’t let her go to bed hungry but I wouldn’t be giving her cereal and toast. If she refuses dinner then wrap it up and stick it in the fridge. If she does get hungry then offer her the dinner. It’s her own choice then whether she wants to eat a perfectly good dinner or continue to dig her heels in

Keep giving her the things she likes and then at some point when she wants what you are having tell her that's for big kids not babies and let her try a little of it. If anything that will at least get her interested in different foods. Don't forget to make 'mmm this is lovely' sounds when you are eating it.

My youngest dc does this. My children have dessert after dinner. He refuses dinner most nights and wanders off to play saying he doesn’t want it. He soon changes his tune when he sees his sisters eating their dessert. Dinner goes back in the micro and is demolished in seconds :)

Quite right, never understood why cereal and toast are an option.

Realistically it won't change until you are willing to let her go to hed hungry, because she's just waiting for her toast/cereal. As someone else said, I'd keep the dinner and offer her that again if she says she's hungry later.

If mine didnt eat and then wanted fruit for dessert I would say, how can you be hungry for fruit if your weren't hungry for your dinner. They then got offered their dinner again to take a couple of bites and ‘qualify’ for dessert.

If you dont want her to go to bed hungry (which seems like its not a hill you should die on) then offer her her dinner again before she goes to bed.

This way it is her choices that are driving what happens, you are just managing the environment she is in.

We don't have a you must clear your plate policy but ds1 has to eat enough, this normally means I say 3 more forksfuls or look and decide he has had enough etc. he does still get a pudding if he wants one and has eaten enough to satisfy me. Not saying it's perfect or works every time but can be a useful system