NC but long time poster that needs advice.
Will try not to drip feed so may be long.
Been with DP for 14 years not married but engaged (2018) - no actual plans to marry which is odd in itself but hey ho.
If I am being completely honest we were never a great match (he probably more invested than me) but I got pregnant at 18 when we knew each other for about 1 year so we stayed together.
Now have gorgeous DD 12 and equally gorgeous DSC who is 19.
I have been a good SM and think the world of DSD, although it has been very tough at times we have always pulled through.
I just don’t love him in a romantic way, never really have but I think the absolute world of him (most of the time).
He has always paid his although I work and am currently main earner. We have a lovely home (rented), life etc but we do not have any shared interests (never have), he is terrible with money often has little and is in a lot of debt which he refuses to meaningfully address, Iv learned to live with this tbh.
I don’t fancy him anymore. Definitely used to but he doesn’t take care of himself now and just has changed a lot since we met. We signed up to the gym and he went once and he refuses to eat well, in fact his diet is terrible!
We separated last year for about 5 months, he moved out for all of these reasons. The kids were devastated but did get over it and I started to get excited about plans for me and DD’s future, don’t get me wrong it was hard & sad and I had to change working hours etc but it was ok. THEN, we were equally hit with some drastic stuff, I had a health scare (which turned out to be fine) but was a really scary time, his mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, DSC had a serious safeguarding issue in the RP home (again nothing like this before), my friend was found dead and I had to sort everything out as he didn’t have family, our dog got ill and had to be pts just loads of stuff really. So our relationship break up was diverted to these matters and we supported each other and worked together. I’m not ashamed to say I was a bit of a mess at this time!
He had to stay here a couple of nights so we could deal with stuff and eventually he kinda moved back in and we got on with life again.
During this time it was clear he wanted our relationship back and I was so grateful for the help & support (physically and emotionally) I dropped a lot of my previous arguments and agreed to try and move on.
However we are now a good few months on and Iv realised I’m back where I was. We have zero sex life (my issue really just have the ick) and I’m back to feel blerrggggh about my life again.
But how do I end it again and now, when some of the horrible issues mentioned are still kinda ongoing? It seems crazy to now bring it back up?!
What on earth am I going to do???