Newly separated - husband wants to take kid to new girlfriend house for the night

[Mummybear888]

My husband and I separated 4 months ago and we are still living together. He started dating a girl 1.5 months ago and my 5 year old met her for the first time last week. He wants to take our kid to the new girlfriend's house to spend the night. I haven't met her yet.

What do you all think? I am still in two minds.

Actually you can.

It depends on their age, how long you have been separated, and also whether they knew the partner already.

No I wouldn't allow this. Why is he bringing a very new girlfriend into the situstion and making this very unreasonable request. I would be annoyed he even asked. Sounds like a complete lack of judgement and common sense.

No 5 year old wants to stay over at a random stranger's house so Dad can play happy families. Your ex is a selfish, irresponsible twat. This is obviously not in your child's best interest, but I expect he doesn't care about that.

Very early to introduce kids to new girlfriend when you are only separated 4 months. My solicitor and his told ex husband and to wait at least 18 months before introducing new girlfriend. So 4 months is very early and overnight stays at her place is even worse

There are many couples who share a home long after they've started divorce proceedings, because of financial or childcare reasons. Several of my friends have done it. They found it hard but it seemed the best approach for them at the time. No reason why that should stop them dating other people - unless you mean a "special kind of woman" who is open-minded enough to find out circumstances before judging?

No way not at 1.5 months....

Absolutely not. This will be confusing for your child. It's way too soon; your family i.e.the three of you, are still adjusting to your new dynamic so I can't see how introducing the new gf as a new caregiver to your kid will be of benefit to anyone except your ex. He may want to play happy families with her, but his timing is way off and he needs to be more mindful of his child's needs at this tricky time.

Wise advice here. When your child is with the father, it's up to him how he parents and you can't stop this, but you can potentially show him that it's not the best idea.

While you can’t legally stop him to my knowledge, can you appeal to his reasonable side if he has one? Point out that it will be confusing and possibly upsetting for the child to be put in this position?

I don’t think it bodes well for your husband’s relationship with his child in the future tbh as he is already being self centred and thoughtless about his child’s feelings.

I would not be happy with it at all, but unfortunately what I've learnt is that there is nothing you can do.

My kids (then 10 and 6) officially met the new GF after 3 months - exH also used to have her sleep over but he'd hide form the kids and they'd be sent upstairs after a certain time and told not go in his room overnight.
Anyway, she met them once, then moved in with him. After 7 months together they announced she was 4 months pregnant. And they also both moved into our old family home (I had to move out and 3 days later they moved in).

Anyway, my exH wouldn't listen to my concerns, said kids were fine. Guess what... My eldest has started to resist going and says his dad lied to him (he told them she was staying with them temporarily) and they he doesn't want to live with his GF. Youngest doesn't say much but also says she wishes she didn't live there. I don't blame them either tbh as they barely know her (this has all happened in the last 8 months).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, no it's not right but he can do as he pleases. Just make sure you're there to pick up the pieces xx

Because you still live together, NO WAY
He can see his child when he's at home.

I am in a similar position. Husband left us end of sept and 4 weeks later this other woman came on the scene. 6 weeks after that he then moved in with her and her kids (after she kicked her husband out). My 5 y/o DS is far from ready to be taken into that situation as he still has nightmares etc about his dad leaving, as well as his dad also not seeing very much of him (his decision). I also don't want my son around two people who can do that to their families! Stay strong OP, it's far too soon, kids and their MH and feelings should always come first x

Why have they met already as it is?
Absolutely no

He is a very selfish person.

It's far too early for the DC to be introduced to the new partner.

Luckily you're divorcing him.

No, no, no and no! New partners should not be introduced until at least a year has passed.
Children don’t need strangers coming in and out of there’s lives constantly, parents should really wait until they know the relationship is actually going somewhere.

I'm sorry OP. My ex introduced out 3yo to each and every girl he saw, regardless of how serious it was. Unfortunately unless they've got a criminal record you can't really stop it. If ex is reasonable you could ask him to hold off until it's serious but he doesn't have to listen. I'm really sorry for you as it's a hideous situation and hope you don't find it too hard

Thanks so much everyone for your advice.

He says he is serious about her and I really hope he is, for the sake of our child.

I am surprised that he started a relationship so soon after us separating. At the moment things seem quite amicable between us and I like to think that he is a good judge of character, so hopefully this girl is a decent person.

I will speak to him again to discuss whether it really is a good idea for our girl to stay over with him at his gf's place. I want what's best for our child.

Your solicitor has no right to say that.

It really depends on the situation when a new partner can be introduced.

If your ex started going out with a parent of a child at your kids school then trying not to tell your kid for 18 months wouldn't work.

I’d be fine with this. It’s his responsibility to ensure safety while they are there of course, but you can’t oversee your children at all times. Hopefully this will help you let go over time.

How utterly selfish and horrid.
Your poor DC. What sane human would even encourage this ,your ex and his new gf.
The very fact she wants to meet your DC instantly makes me feel she's unsuitable to meet her.
Same for your ex, how can anyone think this is suitable for a child going through trauma?

I know people have said it's up to her ex but come on they are still living in the same house;he come have at least waited until he'd moved out to introduce the kid to the new woman;how utterly confusing for them.

Sorry op I can't see how any decent person thinks this is suitable or appropriate

I have heard of people waiting a few years until they knew the relationship has a future!

Confusing, distressing, traumastusing... utterly pointless.

Will he promise to wait when his next gf comes along or is your poor daughter just at the beginning of what will become a conveyor belt of new mums?

Yeah he’s nuts and it’s a terrible idea. Suggest he waits until you’re no longer living together? A 5 year old isn’t capable of understanding that you’ve broken up but are still living under the same roof.

But the OP herself said that they have been split up for four months.