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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To irrationally dislike someone i barely know

35 replies

Hiphophippityskip1 · 16/06/2022 21:58

I am normally friendly and non judgemental and in my career come across people from every walk of life. I always try to be kind and accept people as they are. However in my village there is a lady. I don't see her often, rarely have occasion to interact with her and she is a perfectly normal average middle aged lady. I have no reason to dislike her. She has a small business of which I am unlikely to ever need to use and is popular on social media. But for some reason just seeing this woman makes my hackles rise and makes me feel uneasy and irritated. I would even go so far as to say I really strongly dislike her. I know I am being unreasonable as I just cannot think of a justifiable reason for feeling like this. Its so out of character and I do not like feeling this way. How do i get over this feeling or do i just trust my gut and try and avoid her as much as possible?

OP posts:
CheeseCakeSunflowers · 16/06/2022 22:04

Does she maybe remind you of someone from your past that you have a reason to dislike.

Pinkmagic1 · 16/06/2022 22:06

One of dh's friends makes my skin crawl and I can't bear to be in the same room as him. He has never done anything to upset me or offend me, but he really unnerves me and gets my hackles up.
I don't think it's something you can get over and I just try and avoid him.

DrEllie · 16/06/2022 22:07

My neighbour does just the same, appears nice enough but boy does she give me the rage

sjxoxo · 16/06/2022 22:09

not unreasonable imo! You say no reason but I expect there is one lurking even if you can’t consciously put your finger on it. You mention almost no details other than her business & social media popularity.. could be to do with those? In any case you’re allowed to not like her! X

ShirleyJackson · 16/06/2022 22:09

Same here - I just had this exact conversation with my DH!

It’s not like me, really, but there you go. Can’t like everyone.

user2908143823142536475859708 · 16/06/2022 22:16

Listen to your gut, it's more than likely right. Your body produces these types of reactions to protect you.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 16/06/2022 22:21

"I do not like thee, Doctor Fell.
The reason why, I cannot tell.
But this I know, and know so well.
I do not like thee, Doctor Fell!"

That's been around for about 450 years or more now! Which is to say, YANBU. Some people you'll find you just can't like for no good reason.

Fullsomefrenchie · 16/06/2022 22:21

There is clearly something about her that bothers you. Are you jealous of her looks, her business, her popularity?

how do you know her? When have you spoken to her?

glittereyelash · 16/06/2022 23:03

Trust your gut. I once worked with a girl who I got the same feeling about. She was chatty, friendly and everyone thought she was lovely. I took an instant dislike to her for no reason just couldn't bear to be in the same room as her. She turned out to be a horribly manipulative bully.

Hawkins001 · 16/06/2022 23:05

Sometimes we just have a gut feeling, admittedly it's not always accurate, but at times I've trusted it, and it's been accurate.

Imissmoominmama · 17/06/2022 05:25

Avoid her.

Gumbo · 17/06/2022 05:33

I've only ever had this once; it was with a man I worked with. Honestly, every time he entered a room I wanted to get up and leave - we'd never even spoken but there was something about him that just seemed very 'off'. A few months later the lovely fellow faked his own death in the Paddington rail crash...his family had a funeral and everything!

Having said that, it's also entirely possible to just not like someone for no reason...it happens...

DragonflyNights · 17/06/2022 06:16

You’re only unreasonable if you act on it by being horrible to her which doesn’t sound likely.

In my experience, instant dislikes often come down into two broad camps - either it’s our intuition spotting something about that person which could be negative for us, or something about them triggers some sort of issue we have and it’s nothing to do with them.

Bednobsbroomsticks · 17/06/2022 06:22

I feel like this about my NDN. Rest of the street loves him. Whenever I hear his voice I shudder.

Mercurial123 · 17/06/2022 06:23

I doubt she gives you a second thought, why waste your energy thinking negatively on a stranger? YABU.

Justkidding55 · 17/06/2022 06:26

i Get this over Meghan Markle. I believe our bodies give a gut instinct to tell us something. X

Graphista · 17/06/2022 06:31

Have you ever seen "lie to me" op?

It's a tv series but it's loosely based on the work of dr Paul ekman and others who study micro expressions, body language and other indicators of who we are that inform others of this too

There are many not obvious but present cues we pick up from others that we use to decide if we like someone or not

Even our scent and changes in that can be part of that

On "trust your gut?" Threads I always say yes because your gut is actually responding to those cues it's connected to the brain directly in certain ways hence why when we are made to feel anxious or intimidated our gut responds badly.

I'm almost 50 and ime not trusting my gut ignoring it has led to me coming a cropper, trusting it has led me right

Also on such threads there are often others with similar experiences

Oldbagpuss · 17/06/2022 07:28

I felt much the same the first time I saw a photo of Priti Patel grinning smugly in Parliament. First impressions turned out to be quite accurate.

Lanareyrey · 17/06/2022 07:32

This happens on occasion to me too! No idea why, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, things like this happen sometimes. Sometimes it’s just a gut feeling.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 17/06/2022 07:39

Oldbagpuss · 17/06/2022 07:28

I felt much the same the first time I saw a photo of Priti Patel grinning smugly in Parliament. First impressions turned out to be quite accurate.

Me too...

I remember feeling really rubbish about it as she is a BAME woman!
But all my triggers were going off... This woman is untrustworthy and dangerous, do not believe or trust her!

JustSaying101 · 17/06/2022 07:39

DragonflyNights · 17/06/2022 06:16

You’re only unreasonable if you act on it by being horrible to her which doesn’t sound likely.

In my experience, instant dislikes often come down into two broad camps - either it’s our intuition spotting something about that person which could be negative for us, or something about them triggers some sort of issue we have and it’s nothing to do with them.

Agree with this ⬆️

Also, sometimes you can get a vibe about someone. The only way you will find out is if you try and get to know the person...

Eeseepeesee · 17/06/2022 07:46

This happened to me. A male colleague started in our work and he was really nice (teacher). Everyone really liked him and we would always stop and chat. He became friendly with my husband through a mutual hobby, and he also thought he was a pretty solid guy. After about 2 months of knowing him, I was just chatting to him one day about something random, no issues. Suddenly this feeling of immense anxiety came over me and I thought 'I don't know what you're capable of'.

It was like something from the movies; he was talking away normally while I was suddenly seeing him as a threat. I honestly stopped dead in my tracks. I told my husband who thought I was being ridiculous and 'woo'. I avoided him and things actually got awkward as my intuition was screaming to keep away from him.

It drove me crazy that everyone was ranting about how cool he was, until they weren't. People stopped bothering with him. One colleague confided in me that she had gone off him. Slowly it came to light that he had left his old job as he had been accused of being inappropriate with a female student (high school). By the time he left our work, everyone had gone off him and nobody trusted him.

Shakeitshakeitbaby · 17/06/2022 07:47

I very rarely dislike someone straight away but when I do I don't think I have ever been wrong. They always turn out to be awful.

carefullycourageous · 17/06/2022 07:48

The difficulty is it could be a good time to listen to your gut, or you could be having an irrational response to them bringing up something completely unconnected! It is so hard to know.

I would just keep an open mind, keep my mouth shut about it and accept it is what it is - this is not someone you have to interact with so just accept the feeling and wiat for more info if any comes.

Pinkdelight3 · 17/06/2022 08:02

Just for balance, I've sometimes had this sense and been wrong. Often the person has turned out to be quite similar to me and we've ended up getting on. In a similar way to how at uni, people often make the 'wrong' friends initially and then get to know the people who they have more in common with a bit later on. I suspect there's a few reasons, partly a suspicion/competition element - not even conscious, more hardwired - and also something about us finding ourselves dislikable on some level so we're more sensitive to other people with our vibe. This may not be the case with your lady, but it sounds more likely to be that kind of thing than the "and they turned out to be a paedo/murderer so I was right" version.