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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wibu to warn his girlfriend?

18 replies

Blazepidgeon · 16/06/2022 19:15

(Have nc for this)

About 5 years ago I dated this guy for a few months.
His behaviour was, at best, weird and embarrassing, at worst, wildly inappropriate, controlling, risky, cold, disturbing and altogether a bit scary. He was incredibly charming and I’m convinced he had a personality disorder. He was a self confessed hedonist and really would stop at nothing to get pleasure. He told me very early on that ALL of his ex’s had asked him not to contact them again… somehow at the time, I didn’t see this as a warning sign!!

There are honestly too many incidences that demonstrate just how disturbing his behaviour was, but this was one really stands out and was the one that made me realise that I needed to break it off asap- two family members caught him wanking with the door open on two separate occasions (on the same day)…. he showed not a shred of embarrassment or remorse.

Anyway, I broke it off when I finally came to my senses, and just had this immense feeling that I had escaped something that could’ve been absolutely awful. It makes me feel so uncomfortable thinking about it. Promptly blocked him and asked him not to contact me again.

Skip to today. FB showed me a memory and as I was reading the comments, I spotted his name. It seems I had unfriended but not blocked him on Facebook. There was a woman next to him in the photo and they’re obviously dating.
She’s not tagged in the photo, and I have no way of finding out who she is, so this is entirely hypothetical, but in this situation, would it be appropriate to send a brief warning message? I couldn’t help looking at her and feeling a bit panicked for her. I know she’s a grown woman, but I feel like if one of his exes had done the same, I might’ve seen through his charm much sooner.

So. If I could, wibu to warn his girlfriend?

OP posts:
Kitten2 · 16/06/2022 19:19

I wouldn't. Personally. In that situation.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 16/06/2022 19:20

I wouldn't. You risk being painted as the 'mad ex out to cause trouble'.

Frazzledmummy123 · 16/06/2022 19:20

As much as you might want to warn the poor girl, I think you should leave it well alone. Obviously it isn't the case but you are only going to look like a crazy, jealous ex. Who is she going to more likely believe, the 'charming' guy she is seeing or a random woman from his part who she doesn't know.

Blazepidgeon · 16/06/2022 19:20

It’s probably worth saying (just in case you all think I’m a bit pathetic thinking on something I can’t actually do!), I’ve just had a baby, I have lots of time to dwell on hypotheticals! This had just got me thinking what would be morally right if I could do it, and if this kind of thing actually happens.

OP posts:
FOJN · 16/06/2022 19:20

Yes you would. It's been 5 years so he's probably dated many others in that time who will have found out for themselves what he is like. I think the fact you feel you want to may mean there are something's about the relationship you haven't dealt with or perhaps the memory on Facebook just opened a few old wounds. Do yourself a favour and do not take any action which could bring this man back into your life.

Thehonestybox · 16/06/2022 19:21

What would you say? The wanking thing is bizarre, but I'm not sure I would contact new gf for it. If you are genuinely worried about her safety I guess you'd need to suggest what ways she could be in danger

CodeNamechange · 16/06/2022 19:21

The thing is hell be exhibiting questionable behaviours around her as he did you and all his other exs and if the behaviour in itself isnt enough to get her to leave, youre not going to put a dint in it. And what are you going to do when he gets a girlfriend after her, you cant just endlessly his love interests what hes like. theyll be well aware. just leave it.

CodeNamechange · 16/06/2022 19:22

endlessly tell his love interests*

Cakecakecheese · 16/06/2022 19:23

Honestly while your heart is in the right place you'll just end up looking a bit crazy and he'll spin it to make you look crazier.

cinq · 16/06/2022 19:25

No don’t contact her fgs

ElenaSt · 16/06/2022 19:31

People can be different with other people.

Do not contact her or him.

Imagine if you got a text from an old girlfriend of your partner? You'd think they were being malicious or barmy or both!

Keep your beak out of it!

Staynow · 16/06/2022 19:33

I think she probably has to work it out for herself. From the sounds of it it shouldn't take her long.

Georgeskitchen · 16/06/2022 19:34

She will find out for herself soon enough!!

balalake · 16/06/2022 19:35

I disagree with some of the responses. I think she should be aware, told of the facts such as the open door incidents, even though it was five years ago. Some men (and indeed some women) are so bad in their behaviour that they do not deserve ever to be in a relationship.

overthinkersanonnymus · 16/06/2022 19:47

Maybe she's in to it 🤷🏻‍♀️

TabithaTittlemouse · 16/06/2022 20:17

I think especially as you have just had a baby you need to put your safety first so no I wouldn’t get involved.

SherbertLemonDrop · 16/06/2022 20:19

Yabu don't do that. Watch eastenders for a bit of drama instead.

Inkyblue123 · 16/06/2022 20:20

Stay well away. Do not contact her or him. Delete and block. You’ll look like a nutter.

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