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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....To have booked a solo holiday

33 replies

Yourteaisgettingcold · 16/06/2022 18:02

I'm in a relationship of 2 years but have just booked myself a weeks holiday on my own as I have time off and nothing to do. My partner is off on their own holiday (with friends) for half the time I'm away.

My partner is clearly annoyed but mostly by the fact I'm going alone. I haven't had a chance to properly speak to them about it yet but I'm going to approach the subject when we have a chance to sit down and talk.

In the meantime I'd like to know if I was unreasonable. None of my friends could make it and I don't want to sit at home for a week when I found a very good deal to go away.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 16/06/2022 18:09

I'm not sure why you're asking? You know you're not unreasonable unless you're going to unleash a massive drip-feed?

ShirleyPhallus · 16/06/2022 18:11

You know you’re not being unreasonable right?

Why is he annoyed with you about this?

OrangeBagel · 16/06/2022 18:11

I have no idea why this would be unreasonable.

rowkaza · 16/06/2022 18:12

Why would they be annoyed? They're away themselves!

Blossomtoes · 16/06/2022 18:14

Did he think he was being unreasonable going on holiday without you? Of course you’re not.

Original poster
Yourteaisgettingcold · 16/06/2022 18:17

I don't feel I'm being unreasonable but their reaction has made me question my decision.

And I so understand that some people might think going on holiday alone is weird but I'm not one of them, I'm happy in my own company.

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 16/06/2022 18:20

I'd go if it was me. He's going away anyway so I can't understand the problem. He's allowed to go away on his own but you're not? Fuck that.

MrMrsJones · 16/06/2022 18:20

Did he want you sat at home bored pining for you?

Go and enjoy yourself, it's not strange to have an on your own holiday

Original poster
Yourteaisgettingcold · 16/06/2022 18:20

No drip feed. Km genuinely baffled at his reaction that its made me question himself.

Its 100% the solo thing as if a friend came he wouldn't have reacted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yourteaisgettingcold · 16/06/2022 18:22

Sorry about the typos! I'm trying to reply quickly so I dont post and run!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 16/06/2022 18:23

He'll have to suck it up then.

RoyKentsChestHair · 16/06/2022 18:24

It unreasonable in the slightest, but even less so given that your partner is already going away without you.

The only way in which I would have any sympathy for them is if you both had limited holiday time free and they wanted to spend it together. They don’t get to bugger off without you and then he annoyed when you do the same.

Solo holiday sounds idyllic tbh!

vipersnest1 · 16/06/2022 18:29

Holidays on your own are fab - you get to do exactly what you want to do, without having to spare a thought for anyone else.
YANBU.

Oldbagpuss · 16/06/2022 18:30

My husband enjoys certain types of holiday, mainly in the UK, I like to go further afield. I have always taken solo holidays and it has never caused a problem. I would be worried about your partner’s reaction. Try to find out what is bothering him, but unless you want to miss out on a lot, I would be inclined to be firm on your need for space.

Original poster
Yourteaisgettingcold · 16/06/2022 18:31

We have a holiday planned together in a months time so it's not as though I've used up my holiday time to go alone.

I just have a very rare chance to go away childfree (I have a young daughter with someone else who I have about 90% of the time) so I've grabbed it whether someone else can join or not.

Thank you all. I am going to speak to him about it properly later but didn't want to go in all guns blazing if actually he had a point and I was blinded by the chance at some sun and rest!

OP posts:
VonTrippTrapp · 16/06/2022 18:32

Weird of them to react like that!

Although, I remember a friend's bf getting weirdly jealous when he heard that my friend had been away on a girls holiday 😖. In his thick head, the only reason girls go away on holiday together is to have lots of sex with strangers. He is not her bf anymore 😂

Spitescreen · 16/06/2022 18:34

I’m disturbed that you’re even open to the idea that this might be in any way unreasonable, but far more so that your partner, already holidaying alone with friends (I mean, without you), is so outraged by you making the same decision to holiday independently. This doesn’t sound good, OP.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 16/06/2022 18:36

How dare he as he is going to be off on holidays himself, if he was so worried about you going on holiday alone he could have suggested you both holiday together. After 2 years that is something I thought you would just do automatically. Do not even listen to him giving you grief.

Original poster
Yourteaisgettingcold · 16/06/2022 18:37

I need to find out what his issue is but i feel like its the fact he thinks its weird I'm going alone.

Its not lost on me that this is a big warning sign. I just kind of needed confirmation before I really confront him on it.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 16/06/2022 18:43

I just kind of needed confirmation before I really confront him on it.

But as a PP said, that is a bit worrying. Are you normally very passive/pleasing? Does he manipulate you?

Millions of grown women take solo trips, just as men do.

tenterden · 16/06/2022 18:47

Not weird in the slightest OP. Maybe he doesn't like himself enough to understand why having a solo holiday is so great?

I have done this several times and always had a great time. As PP have said, you get to do what you want, when you want, whether that's eating, drinking, sight seeing, walking, sunbathing, whatever.

You need to be clear this is something you are comfortable doing, might continue to do, and he can fuck off with his disapproval

Original poster
Yourteaisgettingcold · 16/06/2022 18:54

He would never do this himself which is why he's clearly found it so strange.

I was in a very nasty relationship for a long time, this man is (on the whole) very different and very caring but this has really taken me by surprise. Because of what I experienced in my other relationship (which I'm still receiving counselling for) it does make me question my own thoughts a lot and while I'm very strong in some areas I worry I'm over the top strong because I've gone so far the other way from who I was in a previous relationship. This was a major red flag for me but I wasn't sure if it was me being OTT because I push back a lot more to compensate for the crap i put up with before. Its hard to explain.

OP posts:
PinkPanther50 · 16/06/2022 19:00

Could it be that he will worry about you being on your own (safety wise) and instead of admitting ‘feelings’ he’s said it in the wrong way

Original poster
Yourteaisgettingcold · 16/06/2022 19:08

@PinkPanther50 Possibly and I definitely think it could be a factor.

He is usuallt good at communicating but it could well be that he hasn't communicated this properly

OP posts:
Cakecakecheese · 16/06/2022 19:13

Yeah probably a safety and or finding it odd thing. Not that it is odd. Solo holidays are very popular, why do you have to have someone with you? It's probably quite nice to not have to compromise about anything!