Husband very busy life and feel me and the children come last

[Lhmum3xx]

long post sorry In advance

so basically my husband works 6 if not 7 days a week which I understand most do so I’m not alone and understand sometimes this is what’s needed, however we have 3 small children and we don’t get rarely any family time. He also has sporting activity’s 2-3 evenings a week meaning he will come home around 9-10pm and then spend the rest of the evening catching up on msg reference work and before you know it it’s bed time and the cycle starts again the next day.

I work full time so as he’s so busy all house work falls to me , kids activity’s etc all for me to do after work.

whenever I do say something I’m moaning and not appreciating him. I’m scared I’m getting to the point where I think would I be better alone because I spend that much time just me and the children I don’t think my life would change that much .

I don’t know why I’m posting I think I just needed to rant instead of going insane in my own head 🙈.

any advice how I can speak to him and put my point across would be welcome.

I don't think working 6 or 7 days a week is the norm. I don't know anybody who does this. Does he need to work that much for financial reasons?

I think you probably would be better off alone

Appreciating him? He barely even lives with you.

The sporting activities 2-3x per week are a problem.

What does he do around the house and with the children? Does he do his fair share? I appreciate he works 6 days a week so presumably the majority of childcare and housework falls to you but has he checked out of both completely?

I have a lot of male friends who are fathers, they work very hard but carve out specific time during the week in which they prioritise their family. They also limit hobbies to once a week so that they can be there in the evenings.

Of course, the sport might be important to your husbands mental and physical health and he might rely on it to keep work stress at bay...But do you get time for your hobbies too? Do you have a couple of nights off in the week as well?

Because its just as hard parenting full time so you're equally deserving of it.

Why does he work so much? Are you struggling with money?

Why does he work so much? Working 6-7 days a week isn't normal. Is he really at work? Are you sure he doesn't have a secret family?

I know someone who had this happen her DH was always working away... she eventually found out he had two Children with another woman and had done for 7 years!

Do you work? If not is you working and him working less an option? You’d have a lot more time together that way. I also think 3 evenings a week for his activities is excessive given the amount of family time you have together is so limited.

Why's he working so much?

No not at all he's just a workaholic as they say. He's a great dad when he is about no doubt about that it's just fitting us in as and when he's not busy .

Omg these reply’s!! In many sectors we work 6/7 days it is totally normal and not for financial gain (some sectors don’t even get paid overtime)

is there anyway you can go part-time? It would help a lot, also make life easier, get a cleaner twice a week.

No 6-7 days working per week is not the norm and certainly not adding in all the sports on top of that.

DH used to work crazy hours, including sometimes the weekend, but he understood that meant all his non working time was for the family. He went for the odd run but had no other hobbies/sport. Otherwise he’d never have seen me or the kids.

This is not ok.

He's a great dad when he is about no doubt about that it's just fitting us in as and when he's not busy

no sorry a great dad would put seeing his kids above doing his sport.

surely a great dad would spend time with their family than put a sport before them?

I think your trying to cover up for him. That's the problem.

Time to point out that actually, he doesn't appreciate you or the kids.

He clearly has no idea what is involved in parenting or housekeeping, as he does neither.

Ask him what exactly you should appreciate! That he sleeps in your bed? Cos it sounds like that's all he does.

OP, I'm afraid you're already a single Mum, in all but name.

You work full time, you do 100% of childcare, household running and maintenance, cooking, shopping, cleaning, laundry, life admin, school runs and child healthcare etc etc

All HE does is go to work and have his hobby time. Zero time, thought or attention is given to either his wife or kids !

Just putting money into an account DOESN'T make him a good Father OR Husband !

If you want to try and change the dynamic (which isn't usually successful, because he's doing what he wants, when he wants, with no concerns about his family at all, so HE'S happy with things as they are !), then you need to have a long talk with him, letting him know that you're not happy and that if things don't change drastically, then you're better off as an official 'single Mum', because at least he'll have to take time to have and take care of his kids when it's his access days, and he'll have no choice but to pay for his kids through CMS etc (and you'll actually get a break then too !)

Good luck. x

He has checked out of family life and yet gets to present himself to society as a husband and father due to your hard work.

Give him an ultimatum and mean it. If nothing changes, then leave.

Why do all the hard work so he can maintain a facade in front of the people who really matter to him - his colleagues and sport friends.

Why should she go part time for him to spend his whole life doing whatever suits him for not much money?

The thing is @Strangerthings4NW , most sectors give you time off between your 6-7 day shifts ... statutorily.
OP's husband is choosing to work hard and then doing his sport.

Going part time will achieve nothing as her husband still won't be there.

OP, if your husband cannot see that he has checked out of family life then I think a big decision needs to be made.
This isn't a marriage/partnership.