Workaholic / hyper husbands - can they change? AIBU?

[cosenza]

I was just wondering, if anyone else has a husband that fits this description, how did they cope with retirement? Did you find it exhausting or overwhelming at times to live with? Did you ever try to encourage them to slow down and how did you go about it if so?

Particularly interested in hearing from any non-working women / SAHMs who may be in this type of relationship.

Thanks in advance.

People who are workaholics are wired that way and don’t change. I know people working in their seventies and eighties—admittedly no longer full-time—but they’d rather work than visit museums, travel etc.

No, they don’t slow down! He’s approaching retirement! DH is self employed and cut down to part time work for health reasons; but if he is not hyper-focused on work; it’s on his hobby instead.

We’ve just been on holiday; and he thought about his hobby most of his waking hours. He will go sight seeing with me; but can’t bear sitting down on a beach or round a swimming pool. In fact, the only times he sits down are to eat (because he can’t use a knife and fork standing up) or when he’s driving! A couple of times, I stayed at the hotel to swim and read, while he went off on his hobby!

Yes, I find it exhausting sometimes; and reflect that this is him, worn out by 3 children - he was much worse before we had DC!

He has talked to his GP and discussed medication; but the GP said maybe this is what made him so successful!

We have been married 20 years and I've always been a SAHM, so the way he is is normal to me. But now he is approaching 50 and could easily retire it even semi-retire - but instead he is escalating everything and he's also WFH mostly these days so it's more or less all day long - 7am to 11pm (though no day is the same). Some days / weeks he takes off, but then he is doing certain sports at a ridiculous level and I'm worried he might collapse. Then after the trips which HE chooses to take, he even more stressed and it's like walking on eggshells on his return because some drama will have happened connected to one of his businesses interests. It's just constant and I'm worried about him as he gets older. But I can't bring it up with him because he gets too defensive.

TheSummerPalace - your husband could be mine! He never sits down in holiday. He always has to take a bike or dining equipment or a paraglider and then it's a massive palaver about his trips and what he's dine - how high he climbed, how far he cycled etc etc etc. hHe used to be in at me to get involved but now I just say NO. Never once has he sat on a sunbed.

diving equipment - not dining, sorry.

This is my dad - no, they don’t. He has adhd but didn’t realise until adulthood and was a total workaholic my whole life. Now he’s retired he’s constantly playing online chess against people, starting new projects, sorting his investments, helping with my kids, he’s even considered a part time job (he doesn’t need the money he’s fairly wealthy), he plans outings does them and just generally cannot ever sit still. At times he drives my mum (also retired, worked very part time and was mostly a SAHM) mad because she just wants to relax.