Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To ask if you would pay this and shut up or not?

50 replies

Chickenfriednuggets · 15/06/2022 17:57

For the sake of £10..

I work in a small office and one of my colleagues is going away at the end of the month for 2 weeks to get married and then on her honeymoon. A couple of my other colleagues have suggested that we throw her a party the day that she is due to leave and also buy her a gift. Unfortunately I had already booked annual leave on that day a few weeks prior to the idea being suggested (I didn't know what day she was going away as we sit on different desks and don't talk that often).

They emailed everyone today to ask if we would be happy to contribute £10 each which will cover decorations, food and a gift. (12 of us excluding the lady who is going away) so will amount to £120 altogether. I haven't responded to the email as I feel a little annoyed in all honesty. When they suggested the idea I made them aware that I wouldn't be in and their answer was "oh well you won't miss much" but still proceeded to ask me to contribute money towards the party/food. I don't expect them to work around my schedule but I'm the only person that's off that day and it would have been nice if they had looked at doing it another day when everyone is in... but I suppose it makes sense to do it on the day that she is actually leaving. I can't cancel my annual leave either as it's my birthday the day before and I've already paid to go away for the night.

I'm not a stingy person by any means and have contributed towards occasions before such as leaving gifts but that's never been more than a fiver. We don't contribute to birthdays as the company normally pays for a card/cake (before anyone suggests that everyone will be contributing towards a birthday gift for me). Paying it won't break the bank luckily, but money is certainly tighter now due to rising utility costs, fuel (our manager won't let us work from home even though we did it during covid) and there has been plenty of discussions in the office recently about money and how much harder things are for people now, yet they've still asked for all this money off people.

I'm leaning towards just paying it and not saying anything as I don't want to be known as the one person who didn't contribute, but it has pissed me off, especially since I'll be paying towards a party that I can't even attend or food that I can eat. I also don't want anyone to think I'm being like this because it's my birthday the day before (it really has nothing to do with that before anyone saids).

AIBU, selfish? Or can you see my point of view?
Happy to be told... maybe I'm just being grouchy and need to cheer up!

OP posts:

Original poster

Chickenfriednuggets · 15/06/2022 18:51

I did say that in my op @ClocksGoingBackwards

Yes I'm off for my own birthday, but in all fairness I did book it prior to the idea being suggested and have already booked and paid for a night away so whilst it's not a medical treatment as you say it isn't something that I can change (unless I want to lose money)

OP posts:

Crackercrazy · 15/06/2022 18:58

I wouldn’t pay either, maybe just contribute to the gift. Nobody tells me how to spend my money!!

Original poster

Chickenfriednuggets · 15/06/2022 18:58

Can't change **

OP posts:

friendlycat · 15/06/2022 19:01

I would personally pay it.

They will have just contributed towards your birthday gift as well.

Blameofmylife · 15/06/2022 19:02

It’s the actual day she’s leaving. Ridiculous to bring it forward because one person isn’t there. Stinginess is not a great quality. Pay the £10 and wish her well.

girlmom21 · 15/06/2022 19:04

Would you pay the £10 if you were there? If you would, I wouldn't not pay my share just because I'd be missing out on a few sausage rolls.

HappyHappyHermit · 15/06/2022 19:06

£10 is quite a lot really, I would think £5 and bringing in something for a bit of a buffet should be enough really. So £5 only if you're not going to be there.

YouLookinSusBro · 15/06/2022 19:08

I'd just pay it, assuming I liked the colleague!

Original poster

Chickenfriednuggets · 15/06/2022 19:10

@friendlycat nobody in the office contributes to birthday gifts as the company pays for a card/cake and everyone just signs the card.

OP posts:

FrustareNT · 15/06/2022 19:10

Shoxfordian · 15/06/2022 18:05

Yabu and tight

It’s not actually your party op
Does it really matter if you’ve put a fiver towards a bag of crisps or whatever for your colleagues and you’re not there? Seems really petty

This !

SparklingLime · 15/06/2022 19:11

You’ve mentioned twice how it would be nicer to do it on a day when everyone is in (ie you, as everyone else is in). You made a point of saying you don’t expect this, but as a pp said, it’s such a ridiculous idea that it’s notable that you even mentioned it.

As you can afford it without issue, I’d pay up and think of it as doing something generous for your colleagues, rather than seeing yourself as having been almost conned out of £10, as you do atm.

TabithaTittlemouse · 15/06/2022 19:12

I would pay and tell them to have a great time.

coffeetofunction · 15/06/2022 19:12

We have a circle of friends that put £10 in for birthdays. The £120 pays for gifts/celebrations/decorations/food. On occasions some of the others have not been able to attend the celebrations but we still put £10 in regardless of attending or not.

zunchie · 15/06/2022 19:15

Sorry but it seems a bit selfish and entitled to expect them to move the day forward just for you when it's being held on the day that she's leaving. If you genuinely get on well with your collegues I don't see why you just wouldn't pay the £10 so that she can have a lovely time before she leaves ? Only paying half out of principle for you not being there seems very stingy to me and I think you'd (rightfully) get a reputation of being tight, for the sake of an extra £5 is it worth it?

junebirthdaygirl · 15/06/2022 19:15

Just pay. Its not even worth thinking about. It's unfortunate you are missing it but l'm sure you wish your colleague well at this important time in her life so just stick in the 10 , sign the card and never give it another thought.

Carrotzen · 15/06/2022 19:21

I'd pay it. This is not a regular occurance, as you say you don't pay for birthdays etc. Think of the whole party as the gift

mrsm43s · 15/06/2022 20:04

I'd pay it. The £10 covers the cost of a gift and throwing a party for your colleague. It's not paying for an entrance ticket, so whether or not you attend is irrelevant, so you need to take it out of the equation.

So basically do you want to contribute towards the collection for your colleague who is getting married, or do you not want to contribute? Personally, I do like to contribute, so I'd pay it.

BadNomad · 15/06/2022 20:08

Is the party not part of the gift?

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 15/06/2022 20:14

I would feel a bit miffed about paying for a party and not being able to attend, but I would also feel uncomfortable about offering a fiver instead. Ten pounds towards a wedding present for someone you work with seems pretty cheap - at least you're not invited to some crummy disco why not? evening do and have to buy a toaster. I would pay the £10.

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/06/2022 20:36

It seems very petty to me, given you aren't broke, but if it bothers you then just give a fiver for the present.

SparklingLime · 15/06/2022 22:12

Pay the £10, but ask them to make you up a little plate of party food and keep it in the fridge for you to enjoy on your return. You could also ask for 1/12th of any streamers and a 1/12th strip of the ‘Congratulations!’ banner to be kept for you to ensure that you get your full money’s worth.

Original poster

Chickenfriednuggets · 15/06/2022 22:55

@SparklingLime 🙄

OP posts:

SparklingLime · 15/06/2022 23:05

Chickenfriednuggets · 15/06/2022 22:55

@SparklingLime 🙄

That’s how your concerns are coming across. You said you wanted to be told - yes, you’re sounding grouchy.

Jalepenojello · 15/06/2022 23:10

It’s not about you….don’t pay if you don’t want to but had you attended, paying was never about you benefiting anyway…

ellieboolou · 16/06/2022 00:07

I think £10 is ok and I'm quite frugal tight with money for contributions but I'd pay it, with it being a special occasion for the sake of a tenna it's not a huge amount really.

Flip

1 2