Parent relationships - Is it a two way street?

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DH and brother have never really had a relationship with FIL, he walked out when they were young and visited sporadically.

DH is now late 30s and FIL lives close by and has a partner (been together around 6 years). He doesn’t keep in touch or visit his grandkids but they spend 3/4 days a week with his partners grandson. Birthdays, Christmases go by and none of our/BILs kids receive a visit or even just a message wishing them happy birthday.

Both DH and BIL have made efforts in the past to meet up etc but it seems a chore for FIL who then claims never to hear from anyone.

It’s infuriating that he has so much time for partners family but can’t make the effort with his own. DH just wants to keep distance now and doesn’t want to bother keeping in touch.

AIBU to expect FIL to do more to keep in touch with his children regardless of their age?

YANBU that it is a two way street and he doesn't have a leg to stand on about never hearing from anyone, but I think your DH is right to disengage.

@aSofaNearYou thank you. My family aren’t particularly close but we do message most days to see how everyone is doing so it’s really weird to me when I see someone go months and months without speaking to a family member.

our youngest is 10 months and he met her at 9 weeks, seen her for 15 minutes at Christmas and was at a party we were all at but didn’t bat an eyelid at her. 13YO would walk by him in the street but I can’t help but wondering if we should make more effort 😕

Also, anyone voting YABU can you tell us what you think we should be doing here? Thanks ☺️