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AIBU?

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never be able to be independent

49 replies

CodeNamechange · 15/06/2022 15:05

Can someone please specify what it is about autistic people with learning needs that mean they "will never be able to be independent" and how exactly this is determined if they have not tried every way possible to get them the support that they need. I wasn't born understanding what a joke was for example, but over time was able to recognise most of them somehow so no longer take offense to them. I have autism and I am finding it extremely offensive to suggest that autistic people "will never be able to be independent" and questioning their decision making. I have faith that they can if they are given the right support and I feel as though these autistic people are being belittled and "taken care of" well beyond when they should simply because they have learning needs.

OP posts:
Goldencarp · 15/06/2022 15:10

You clearly have no understanding of the other end of the spectrum. I have an autistic adult son. He’s severely autistic, severe learning disabilities and epilepsy. He can’t be left alone let alone. He needs 1:1 support at all times. He can’t wash himself, he doesn’t know he needs to keep clean, he can’t make good food choices, He has no sense of danger, he has little understanding and cannot speak etc etc etc . So there are many people with autism that will never be independent.

worraliberty · 15/06/2022 15:12

You're talking about autistic people as if they're all the same?

11Hawkins · 15/06/2022 15:15

I'm autistic, I've lived independently since I was 19.

People need to stop sticking us all in one box. It's a bloody spectrum.

Knowbodysphool · 15/06/2022 15:15

Hmm
Who are you writing for ?

doadeer · 15/06/2022 15:16

But autistic people aren't a homogenous group.

Of course there are some autistic adults who run companies but there are some who can't function without full time care.

Do you know any autistic adults who have high needs?

PeekAtYou · 15/06/2022 15:19

I'm autistic and a single parent of many years but I'm fine because of where I am on the spectrum.

Support is the problem here. Public services aren't properly funded and many aren't lucky enough to have a parent to help them. The people who say that their child will never be independent know their child well enough to make that call. Maybe they are too anxious to cook and clean? Maybe they are too trusting and easily conned? Maybe their ND means that they couldn't budget money? Maybe they are unable to get help in an emergency eg call a plumber for a leaking pipe, an ambulance if they are unable to reach medical help?

rowkaza · 15/06/2022 15:21

I'm HFA and live independently, mortgage, job, car etc.

It's a spectrum. Some people with autism are completely different.

CodeNamechange · 15/06/2022 15:21

@11Hawkins @Goldencarp @Knowbodysphool @doadeer @worraliberty I'm not referring to people who are unable to live independently because their care needs are too high. I'm specifically referring to autistic people who are deemed unable to make decisions and who are deemed unable to be independent who just need support to do those things until they have learned to do them independently. Who are not being given the support that they need to go onto being independent. I was in that situation myself and deemed unfit by incompetent people and I take offense when people suggest that autistic people with learning needs are unable to be independent at any point in their lives when they have not been given every support to go on to be.

OP posts:
AloyNoraWarrior · 15/06/2022 15:24

I don’t understand what you mean

daretodenim · 15/06/2022 15:25

Isn't part of the problem here that due to referring to "the spectrum" rather than having any official categories within it any more (such as HFA - which I understand some people find offensive), that the diagnosis/label covers SO many people, with SO many presentations that in some ways it makes it impossible to properly discuss issues like this.

doadeer · 15/06/2022 15:25

So you mean you don't consider yourself high needs but you're being treated thus? I'm just struggling to understand who is holding you back?

CodeNamechange · 15/06/2022 15:26

@11Hawkins @AloyNoraWarrior @Goldencarp @Knowbodysphool
@PeekAtYou @doadeer @rowkaza @worraliberty

OP posts:
AffIt · 15/06/2022 15:31

I am autistic, although my diagnosis (from 10+ years' ago) was actually one of Asperger's (I shan't go into why I feel the removal of the differentiation was a poor decision, that's an argument for another day).

I am a well-educated and successful senior professional, have a relationship, house, car etc.

My experience of autism is very different of that to somebody with extreme social anxiety, lack of communication skills, difficulty with verbalisation etc. I have absolutely no knowledge whatsoever of the experience of parenting a child with severe autism and any associated co-morbidities.

Yes, support is lacking in all areas, but as PPs have said, autistic people are not a homogenous grouping and it is wrong for one area of the spectrum (I say area, rather than side, because the autistic spectrum is not linear) to speak for the other.

CodeNamechange · 15/06/2022 15:33

So this is an underfunding, lack of support issue? Why? What can be done?

OP posts:
PeekAtYou · 15/06/2022 15:38

Nothing will be done as social work is taken for granted and people vote for politicians who cut rather than boost spending on services.

(I'm assuming social workers provide support but happy to be corrected)

I suspect that social workers are overwhelmed with too much demand and too few resources to help everyone so focus on the worst cases and hope that the others can wait until another time.

Vapeyvapevape · 15/06/2022 15:41

My friends son is severely autistic, even with all the support in the world , he would never be able to live independently.
I agree though, that support is lacking for lots of people with children who need help due to disabilities and also young children who care for their parents.

stickygotstuck · 15/06/2022 15:44

I don't think the current bunching up together of all autistic 'categories' is helping anyone.

MayBeee · 15/06/2022 15:48

We have a family member who is autistic , and possibly other LD.
They are early 20s , non verbal other than able to repeat a short sentence when asked i.e. Good Morning , drink please etc.
Cannot go out alone , cannot prepare any food , cannot be left alone. Has to be told to get dressed etc. Cannot be taken out shopping / socialising as would have a melt down .
Parents employ 2 carers during the day ( as well as 1 parent ) to look after them.

EgonSpengler2020 · 15/06/2022 15:48

My cousin is autistic and in his 50s. My aunt was a teacher in a special needs school before he was born and after. They spent a couple of years living in the US in the 70s were he received a different approach to his care/education. He has had every input that would be suitable for him.

He is no verbal, incontinent, and the limits of his independence is pouring himself a drink and feeding himself. He never has and never will be independent. Understanding jokes is the least of his concerns. Autism is a spectrum, hence the name ASD, and therefore it not unreasonable to use the phrase "never be able to be independent" when this is an appropriate description of an individual's needs and likely outcome.

AffIt · 15/06/2022 15:56

stickygotstuck · 15/06/2022 15:44

I don't think the current bunching up together of all autistic 'categories' is helping anyone.

As an autistic person, I completely agree with you.

Ponderingwindow · 15/06/2022 15:56

I’m autistic and I’m also a leading expert in my field, a homeowner, and parent. There was never any doubt that I would be an independent high-achiever despite the fact that I was the childhood freak (it was the 80s).

Also on the spectrum there are people who experience autism profoundly differently and people with autism
with concurrent conditions that mean they are incapable of caring for themselves in the most basic ways. Their parents have to make lifelong care plans the same as any other parent of a child who won’t ever live on their own.

the autism diagnosis is very specific, yet so broad that from a practical perspective it lacks much meaning.

CodeNamechange · 15/06/2022 15:59

CodeNamechange · 15/06/2022 15:21

@11Hawkins @Goldencarp @Knowbodysphool @doadeer @worraliberty I'm not referring to people who are unable to live independently because their care needs are too high. I'm specifically referring to autistic people who are deemed unable to make decisions and who are deemed unable to be independent who just need support to do those things until they have learned to do them independently. Who are not being given the support that they need to go onto being independent. I was in that situation myself and deemed unfit by incompetent people and I take offense when people suggest that autistic people with learning needs are unable to be independent at any point in their lives when they have not been given every support to go on to be.

@EgonSpengler2020

OP posts:
ForTheLoveOfSleep · 15/06/2022 16:00

Oh hurray another fully functioning adult with ASD who assumes they are the voice of all people with ASD because they are slightly socially inept and weren't born understanding humour (who is?)
You know YOUR experience of ASD OP. Do not assume that every autistic person can be, or wants to be, independent.

stripesorspotsorwhat · 15/06/2022 16:05

I have autism and I am finding it extremely offensive to suggest that autistic people "will never be able to be independent" and questioning their decision making.

Who is suggesting this? Whose decision making?

I have never seen it suggested anywhere that all autistic people fall into this category.

Triffid1 · 15/06/2022 16:08

I'm not sure I understand what you're asking. Autism is a spectrum and one child or adult with autism will not be the same as another. We have a a friend whose daughter is being assessed for suspected autism. All my friend wants is to be able to help her daughter to be able to be independent in the future which, right now, is not 100% will be possible.