….IF you’re not overly close. I’m not talking about the people who have amazingly close relationships with their parents, love to go on holiday with them etc.
More the type of people who get on okay but only in small doses that live near their parents?
My parents used to live 45-50 mins away (over an hour if the traffic was bad) and tbh, I saw them once a month? But they wanted to downsize and so in March moved and it just so happens to be in a village a 10 min drive away.
They seem to have decided their old life and the few friends they have there are too far away now to bother with a lot and so seem bored a lot of the time and as a result of that, seem to want to see me 1-2 times per week.
Now I wouldn’t mind, but they always want to come to ours ‘for a cup of tea as they’re passing’ but they stay for hours! There’s just no getting rid of them, they plonk themselves down, my mum tries to make endless conversation but because she doesn’t really have anything interesting to say, just repeats herself for the sake of saying something. My dad either drones on and on talking at you, ranting and raving about things or just sits on his phone and I end up sitting there, quietly seething thinking I was so looking forward to a peaceful afternoon just DH and I. DH usually makes himself scarce too as I think he’s just fed up of the frequency now.
A few weeks ago I decided enough was enough and was just ‘busy’ everytime they wanted to ‘pop over’ and got round them coming here for hours by saying I’d go to them instead, which I did, but only stayed na hour, had a chat and quick catch up and left.
Saturday DH and I went for lunch with them, it lasted a couple of hours and it was a beautiful day so we were looking forward to just getting back the 2 of us and sitting in the garden for the afternoon. Parents made it clear they had no plans for after our lunch and were angling to come back to ours. I stood my ground and waved them cheerily goodbye outside the restaurant but I felt so guilty as I know they’re bored and lonely.
I have a sibling who lives about 30 mins from them so hardly that far but I don’t think they’re seeing them that much. I get the impression it’s once every couple of weeks, which tbh would be the frequency I would like.
I’m not sure whether IBU or not though. Both my sibling and I encouraged them to move a bit nearer the both of us as they’re not getting any younger and it’s a lot easier to care for ageing parents if they’re near. So I guess I kind of feel guilty as we encouraged them to move nearer us and so now I feel obligated, or perhaps feel like THEY feel we’re obligated to see them all the time.
My mum texted earlier saying ‘are you about after work, we’ll pop in for a cup of tea’ I’m not about after work so told her that, but also, I was thinking, I only saw you on Saturday?! I’d be happy not seeing them again until next week at some point.
Does anyone else have this guilt if their parents live near them and are a bit bored/ lonely?