Toddler disinterested in seeing me

[Ladylout]

AIBU or ridiculous to be a tad upset...?

I went into hospital early last Friday morning to be induced with DS2. DS1 who is 2yrs old- only just -went with my mum Friday morning to stay at my parents' house who live over an hour away. They are great with him and give him so much time/do things with him like spending time outside which he loves. While he was there I did not videocall as I didn't want him to be unsettled. He is still breastfed and he has never spent a night away from me in 2 years so in my mind it was quite a big deal.

They brought him home yesterday afternoon (tuesday) and I expected when he got home he would want to come into the house to see me and DH but when he got here he just wanted to play outside with his toys and waved at me through the window. When I went outside to see him he didn't even show interest in coming near me. He did but with quite a bit of persuading. I actually feel upset about it. Is that ridiculous? Am I the one with attachment issues?

I really thought he would be wanting to see me.

Ah hon he's upset you left him so he's punishing you. Mine always did this, he missed you so much you'll never know xx

Not sure I agree that he’s punishing you. I think he’s just secure and didn’t feel the need to cling. Also you say he took persuading to come and see you - toddlers can sense odd pressure and different behaviour and don’t like it. I expect if you’d behaved as normal rather than waiting for him to act in a certain way, he’d have come round quicker.

My 2yo DS doesn’t shower me with affection and nor would I expect him to.

Its a good sign in my opinion! He’s secure and happy!

Did you have new baby with you OP?

If so, (although I can’t remember) I was 2 and a half when my brother was born and apparently I didn’t take well to it at all. My mum was busy with the baby and I would keep myself to myself playing with my toys.

Don’t feel too disheartened. You obviously missed him and I’m sure he would have been happy to be home and see you and his dad, but he’s still very young, too young to understand what’s going on.

My DS1 is 2 and a half and DS2 is 2 months.

DS1 has started experimenting recently with saying he doesn't want me, or his dad, or granny etc. There seems to be a bit of a pecking order so if granny is here, he'll ignore me or say he doesn't want me in the room; if it's just me and DH he'll say it about DH and so on. Then 30 minutes later he'll ask the same person who has told to go away for a cuddle.

I think it is about testing the way our family relationships work now that little brother is here and ultimately he's still looking for reassurance and support from us. We don't get upset about it but say matter of factly, Mummy is here because she lives here with you etc. And then always make sure he gets the cuddles when he asks for them.

Not sure if it's a similar thing, or if what we're doing is right. 2 seems to be a tricky age, bless them. I've found parenting DS1 harder than parenting DS2 over the last couple of months.

I think it's great that he is just so happy and secure in his world that he wasn't worried that you weren't there and didn't fear that you wouldn't be back.

DS was 19mo when I brought DS2 home. His first reaction upon seeing me was to burst into tears. Maybe he thought I was replacing him !

He soon got over it. I wouldn't get hung up on this.

Just a sign of a secure attachment 😊 he felt secure that when mom goes, she comes back to me and I can be happy with other adults because I have happy experiences with adults.