DS is 2.5yrs old. I am hoping for some advice on whether his behaviour is typical difficult toddler behaviour or whether I need to be investigating if anything else is going on. I also have a 5yr old DD and although of course all children are individuals and I didn’t expect them to be the same, their behaviour is so different I’m just not sure if this is as mentioned typical toddler behaviour or whether actually DD was the really unusual one for never doing any of this!
I genuinely can’t think of a single outing we have been on where he hasn’t spent the entire time we’ve been out kicking off, screaming and throwing himself about and he will be dripping in sweat. This can go on for a LONG time.
Typical Triggers -
being tired (but will furiously resist naps and bedtime) - his sleep is terrible, he has never not even once slept through the night and wakes ridiculously early every single morning (has never slept past 5am), he still breastfeeds to sleep and any attempts to stop him are met with such distress and fury I end up caving and giving him the boob. It is also one of the only times he is content so I feel a pressure to continue as he obviously finds it comforting. I spend so much of the day and night frustrated with him that guilt makes me carry on letting him have it.
being prevented from doing something dangerous (like throwing himself from the top of a slide in the playground)
will often request something, let’s say an apple, I give him the apple as requested and he will throw it on the floor and then roar at me.
If I am not there - if I am in the shower, if I quickly pop to the local shop, if I basically go anywhere without him he loses it & will scream, cry and throw himself about until I get back.
He is very loving and affectionate (always wants a cuddle, has shown concern if he thinks I have hurt myself “what’s happened mummy?”)
He is very bright, can count to 100, knows all his shapes/colours and can recite the alphabet.
He can often be wary of unfamiliar adults but is friendly to other children even if he doesn’t know them (says hello and if he knows their name will add their name, “hello Alex”) and approaches them to play - doesn’t really do much imaginative play, all much more physical play based such as games of chase, kicking a football, enjoys jumping on a bouncy castle etc, rough and tumble with his sister (DD 5yrs).
He absolutely loves puzzles and will complete puzzles repetitively and seems to get a buzz from this. He is extremely enthusiastic about numbers and letters and will shout out any numbers or letters we see when out. In the supermarket we have to traipse up every aisle in order to “find the numbers” and any attempts to skip an aisle are noticed and loudly protested against. At the risk of sounding ignorant (apologies) I began to worry he was displaying signs of autism as in my extremely limited knowledge of this subject I was aware that those on the spectrum can show obsessive tendencies towards numbers in the way my son does.
At his 2.5yr health visitor review, I did broach my concerns with the health visitor who advised she had no reason to think he was on the spectrum etc and described him as being bright and boisterous.
He is at home with me (SAHM) but we attend regular toddler classes such as rugby tots/go to soft play and the playground all the time. I will hold my hands up that recently he has been such hard work that I genuinely can’t face taking him out anywhere “fun” for the last few days, it’s just been a nightmare. It’s been the school run (going nuts with all the other parents looking over) and sainsburys to get some bits we needed and number count.
I would like to enrol him in a local preschool just for a couple of mornings a week, to enable me to get on with housework which is almost impossible to do when he is running around, and also to be honest I feel like maybe it would give him something I clearly can’t, and would help calm him down. Seeing as I can’t take the bin out without a huge fuss I genuinely don’t know how on earth he would cope with being left at preschool. He cries hysterically any time I’m out of sight when he’s at home with his own dad so I have visions of him being completely traumatised and not at all ready for preschool.
To add to this, the relentless sleep deprivation and constant hamster wheel of being constantly awake, dealing with tantrums, trying to check DD is ok, run a home (& I’m only managing the basics of clean clothes and dinner, a quick hoover and toilet scrub, literally nothing else gets bloody done, feel so crap about it) it’s turned me into an absolute monster of a mum to my poor kids. I’m always feeling exhausted, completely drained and overwhelmed, if I’m honest resentful of DS behaviour always ruining everything, worried I’m obviously a shit mum to him, I’ve home a shit mum to DD as I can never give her more than 5mins of my time before DS is trying to set the house on fire or similar so I have to leap up, and that’s without all the shouting I do now. Me and OH have never had the best relationship which is a whole other story, but we argue constantly about how to deal with DS. He works a lot and when at home isn’t particularly hands on, yet has alot to say in terms of criticising me for pretty much everything I do or don’t do, basically I feel like I very much can’t do anything right by anyone.
please can anyone advise on how on earth I can get DS to calm down and whether this is all normal/if so how long does it go on for?!
Thankyou!