MIL bday

[GiGiXx]

Thursdays MIL birthday - we have a 6mo boy so it slipped my mind I will fully blame this on mum brain lol

DH has a card for her a mum birthday and said he’d sign it from 3 of us, I’ve been so busy I haven’t thought to grab another card

but my mum mentioned I should get a Nan card for her off our DD and some flowers

in all honesty, she doesn’t bother with our son and never really asks about him. Not in a malicious way she just is quite self absorbed. She fawns over DH’s brothers 2 kids but doesn’t seem to care about our baby so I’ve kind of made my peace with it and stopped making the effort (stopped texting, overly trying to get her involved etc)

am I shitty for not getting her a card off DD? Lol imo at the end of the day it’s DH’s mum all of this is up to him I arrange everything for my mum!

but my mums perspective made me wonder am I being awful

Your mil sounds like she wouldn't give a shit. Whereas your mum sounds like she'd love it.
So do.ot for your own mum if you want and let your DH sort out his own mother.

Of course it's not your responsibility. Ignore your mother.

Why isn't your husband sorting it?

She’s not your mum so no need for you to get her anything

Why did your mum say YOU should sort a card from your daughter? Surely your husband can do it if he wants. Leave him to it.

YANBU, you are doing the right thing leaving it all to your dh.

Your mum is trying to create more work for you, is she mad?!

In your mums world, sorting out presents for your husbands family was considered part of wife work

Now most people realise that having a penis doesn't preclude you from sorting out your own family presents and that mums have enough of their own shit to deal with without martyring themselves trying to sort out everyone elses as well

I think your mum is overly invested in something that doesnt affect her at all

No idea why your mum is getting involved in this. Cost of living crisis and all that just whack her name in the family card.

DH is the most laidback person regarding occasions he only spoils me (with little things!) on Mother’s Day birthday etc because he knows I come from a family who make a fuss!

half the time he forgets family birthdays it’s awful but his family are mainly like that. I did even say “are you getting your mum a card from DD” so I did try

I did just want to make sure I wasn’t being a bitch because of my annoyance with MIL’s lack of effort with our baby but I think it’s right - not my mother not my card to sort?

You’re not being horrible at all. Are you okay? I don’t think cards from 6 month olds is a thing.

Let him sort it. If you do the first one from baby you will always have to do them. Dont make the same mistakei made 14 years ago!

but my mum mentioned I should get a Nan card for her off our DD and some flowers

I think your mum's projecting here. At least now you'll know what she's expecting on her birthday.

1. Why isn't your partner taking the lead on this. She's his mum.

2. One card from all of you is fine. Once your Dd is old enough to choose, buy and write a card you could start that but it's ott from a baby.

Your dc is 6months old...... of course they wouldn't be getting anyone a card. and if there were a pretence of them doing so it would be up to your dh.
Your dh is right - a card for his Mum's birthday would be signed from dh, yourself and you lo.
Once your lo starts school and you are trying to keep them occupied one weekend before the birthday, your dh might want to get them to make one for his Mum, but outside of that, you send a card from your family.

I can't believe that you Mum has this much access to the miniature of what is going on in your dh's life, tbh.

It's your partners responsibility not yours. They're not your mum.

Having said that I usually make the effort but I like my MIL

Not your mum, not your circus. Ignore your own mum and don’t take on your DH’s wife work. Problem solved!