Incredibly fussy eater - 10 years old

[notanymore2]

My ds is an incredibly fussy eater, always has been. He’s a few weeks off turning 10 and for years we have struggled to get him to eat any veggies (apart from mash) or fruit (apart from raisins or banana). He has vomited at the table, thrown epic tantrums and flat out refused any food that’s not what he is comfortable with. This evening I gave him a banana and a bit of watermelon but he refused (despite trying watermelon twice this week and telling me he liked it, when I say trying tho, I mean nibbling on the corner very tentatively). I think because I had put it on a mini kebab stick to make it look more fun. His refusal quickly escalated into slamming doors, throwing his cutlery on the floor, screaming at the top of his voice and running away.
At the end of my tether here, I really want him to be healthy as he grows but his behaviour around food frankly really worries and at times scares me. I do wonder if he has some sensory issues as he is very sensitive to noise, smell and can sometimes be quite left field in his reactions to fairly normal stimulus.
Anyone else struggle with a child this age and can offer some comfort? When should they be growing out of this food fussiness?

It's not fussiness - look up ARFID and see if that rings any bells with you.

Strength of taste is genetic. The stronger your sense of taste the stronger your likes and dislikes. A very strong sense of taste can mean a reaction that appears beyond reason to most of the population, blessed with much less sensitive taste buds.

He tried watermelon? That's good, he actually tried it.

Yes I believe my kid is fussier than yours. We don't have mega-tantrums. I wonder if I work better with DS's weird food preferences, rather than trying to force something else.

Has your DS ever eaten any whole veg (not mashed?) Which ones?

i got very over-excited that DS is now (sometimes, age 14) eating baked mushrooms.

I forced my older DC to eat veg but failed with this youngest, btw, it's not that I'm adverse to being horrible. I just failed to be horrible with the youngest DC.

What foods will he eat?

Thank you xx

Yes, he really flares up when I push him, I probably need to stick to the gentle approach and not force the issue.

Time for a two way conversation. He needs to know exactly what nutrients are necessary for healthy development, and what range of options are available to fulfill his nutritional requirements.

bring him in on the planning and reasoning. See if that helps

have tried this and he nods along until it actually comes to eating it x

Thanks for your lovely reply, baked mushrooms, next level exotic!

When it comes to sensory feeding issues particular if they fall under the umbrella of ASD, you have to be very careful how you deal with it as refusal can escalate and it's the one cohort of children who literally will starve themselves rather than eat (even when people tell you no child will starve themselves)

Minimal pressure and sensory therapeutic approach is usually needed.

The most important thing is to not turn mealtimes into a battle or create negative associations around food.

Keep offering new foods/flavours but alongside this at every meal make sure there are 1-2 of his safe foods that he will almost definitely eat so that there is never "nothing" for him.

Don't force him to taste, touch, or smell. Just an unacceptable food being on the table is good enough, no pressure beyond that. Don't bribe, beg, plead, bargain, or persuade him to just taste it or to have one more bite or whatever. Offer the food and that's it, eating it is his choice.

Get him involved with meal planning and preparation as much as possible, but still with no pressure to eat the end results.

Make sure he's getting enough calories by making his main meal of the day two courses. The meal and a simple dessert/afters such as yoghurt, fruit, cheese and crackers. Give both courses at the same time with no conditions attached to either, the idea is that two bites of dinner and two bites of dessert is more calories and nutrition than just the two bites of dinner.

Make sure he's having at least a glass of milk each day and a good multivitamin.

DD and DSD are both specific eaters! I don't like to say fussy as they don't do it on purpose.
Generally I feed them what they like. Making food avoidant kids eat things they don't like/are afraid of doesn't help. I only offered very mild variations on things that they would eat.
The good news! DSD was by far the poorest eater and her diet wasn't great. It began to change at high school when she had more control and once she went to Uni, she decided that cooking all the time was even worse than eating unfamiliar food or vegetables. So she held her nose (literally) to share meals with housemates. She still doesn't eat everything but her diet is healthy and more varied.
DD is similar, she's 15 now and in the last couple of years has started getting braver. She still prefers very plain food - or spicy food, but no sauces!

I find that prepping fruit and healthy stuff and leaving it out on the counters helps a bit.
So cut up pieces of fruit- maybe put them on sticks or arrange it nice on a plate. Make them small chunks.
Same with veg, sticks of carrots, oatcakes, cheese, hummus, some meats on a plate. Ready to go. Snack for anytime.

Just leave it out. Don't encourage or bribe to eat, just leave it there. Don’t stick around to see if he snacks either.

Anything that doesn’t get eaten (which I’m sure at the start there will be a fair bit) eat yourself as a snack in the evening/next day.

Don’t stock snacks in the house like crisps, popcorn, biscuits.

Also, stock up on sauses and condiments. So when you cook broccoli etc- say they can drizzle with salad dressing/Caesar sause/sweet chilli - whatever they like. They are still eating the veg!

Sounds like ARFID to me.

We had great success with 'tiny tastes'. Agree all pressure needs to be avoided - you won't win.

weightconcern.org.uk/node/304

Another tactic was getting mine to list the 5 foods he will not eat, they're on a list. It switches the focus from 'this is what I will eat and nothing else' to 'I eat everything except those things'.

First comment is exactly as I was going to say. I have a 7 year old with ARFID and this is very much like her reactions.

Sadly an ARFID child will thoroughly understand this and the importance but they won't be able to overcome the barrier to eat the foods that aren't 'safe'. As another poster stated an ARFID child would actually starve themselves before eating foods that are not their safe foods.

OP will child take a multivitamin? Also, if there is any concern with weight/growth it would be worth a trip to the GP and ask for referral to a dietician - my daughter was referred and they checked her nutrients that she was getting (we are lucky she will take a certain multivitamin without any trouble) and prescribed extra calcium supplements as she wasn't getting any at the time.

Please don't worry and please stop pushing him. My son ate so well until he was about a year old when he decided that he didn't want to eat anything but bread, cheese and cereal. He drank milk and would eat some fromage frais. By the time he started school he was eating crackers and one particular pizza from Tesco.

I tried all the gentle suggestions - getting him involved in meal planning, getting him to cook and everything I could think of with no success. He added the odd the thing over the years - thin chips, garlic bread, chicken nuggets but very restricted and would only go on play dates with one particular friend because he knew that he wouldn't be given anything he disliked - they would sit down to a roast dinner and they would plug the toaster in by his side at the table so he could have toast!

He was always healthy - he had two days off secondary school when he had a stomach bug but was never ill at all. We were careful about where we went to eat to be sure that there was something he would like. Then towards the end of his time in secondary school he became friendly with a group whose idea of a good time was going to a restaurant for dinner. He started to eat food from the menu. He went to university and slowly expanded his list of acceptable food. Now he is in his mid 20's. He's still "fussy" but he is an amazing cook - when he and his wife come to stay he is happy to most of the cooking and I love it!

Please don't fight with your son. Let him enjoy what he likes and he will get braver.