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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this a bit rude?

29 replies

925XX · 13/06/2022 20:36

My friend surreptitiously looks me up and down for several seconds when we meet and then on and off during our meeting. She also stares at me when she thinks I am not looking. But most of all the thing that drives me mad is when I am talking to her she leaves me mid conversation to speak to someone else without a "sorry" "just a sec" or anything else and after speaking to someone else she starts a new topic!

OP posts:
uis · 13/06/2022 20:39

I’m a bit confused - is there a reason she might be looking at you in this way? Some office gossip perhaps? Are you saying all her behaviour seems rude or just the bit about leaving the conversation mid way?

Windbeneathmybingowings · 13/06/2022 20:39

The looking up and down thing my boss does to me. Male. Gay. However he does sometimes say oh nice shoes today or something so maybe it’s a compliment, I don’t know.

mumsnetter123 · 13/06/2022 20:39

She might be jealous of you maybe?

925XX · 13/06/2022 20:40

uis · 13/06/2022 20:39

I’m a bit confused - is there a reason she might be looking at you in this way? Some office gossip perhaps? Are you saying all her behaviour seems rude or just the bit about leaving the conversation mid way?

Well I find it all a bit rude. When I speak to someone, I dont scrutinize them or leave them mid conversation. I dont have two heads or anything so I dont know why,

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RepublicOfNarnia · 13/06/2022 20:44

Yes it's rude. There's some people that I notice do this to me - they always seem not to be English as well.

carefullycourageous · 13/06/2022 20:44

She is either very rude or just completely unaware.

Have you mentioned these things to her, could you do you think?

IcedOatLatte · 13/06/2022 20:45

What explanation does she give, is it the same reason each time or does she have different excuses?

925XX · 13/06/2022 20:47

carefullycourageous · 13/06/2022 20:44

She is either very rude or just completely unaware.

Have you mentioned these things to her, could you do you think?

I dont think she is aware, her mum does it too, not just the scrutinizing but the leaving people in the middle of saying something. I find it uncomfortable a bit like someone who walks down the street looking different and people turn around to take another look. This is horrible.

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SilverOtter · 13/06/2022 20:49

I knew someone who used to always look me up and down, but I genuinely don't think she was aware she was doing it. It is, however, exceedingly rude!

925XX · 13/06/2022 20:49

IcedOatLatte · 13/06/2022 20:45

What explanation does she give, is it the same reason each time or does she have different excuses?

I have not mentioned it as I would not like to hurt her feelings.

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TheVolturi · 13/06/2022 20:50

I know someone that does this. Both things actually! I do like her though so I let her off. I think it's just her way.

5128gap · 13/06/2022 20:52

Two different things going on.
The scrutinising means she's overly interested in what you look like. Perhaps appearance is very important to her so she's making a mental comparison as to how she measures up.
The walking off is weirdly rude and I'd be tempted not to be there when she came back!

StarFlecks · 13/06/2022 20:55

RepublicOfNarnia · 13/06/2022 20:44

Yes it's rude. There's some people that I notice do this to me - they always seem not to be English as well.

They are probably looking for the swastika tattoos.

Stickworm · 13/06/2022 20:57

She’s not your friend.

925XX · 13/06/2022 20:57

5128gap · 13/06/2022 20:52

Two different things going on.
The scrutinising means she's overly interested in what you look like. Perhaps appearance is very important to her so she's making a mental comparison as to how she measures up.
The walking off is weirdly rude and I'd be tempted not to be there when she came back!

She does not actually walk off but if another person comes in the room, I am cut dead while she talks to them. For instance today she said "how did the party go?" I said well it was so funny, Jo Bloggs had this red bag...... her adult daughter walks in the room who lives there and my friend says "shall we to to the market tomorrow?" my conversation has now been lost.

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Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 13/06/2022 20:59

I agree she's not your friend and certainly a bit odd/eccentric.

Personally I wouldn't spend any more time with her.

FilterWash · 13/06/2022 21:01

RepublicOfNarnia · 13/06/2022 20:44

Yes it's rude. There's some people that I notice do this to me - they always seem not to be English as well.

Not English? Omg!!!!

Kite22 · 13/06/2022 21:03

925XX · 13/06/2022 20:49

I have not mentioned it as I would not like to hurt her feelings.

Yet you are happy enough to let her make you feel uncomfortable ? Confused

925XX · 13/06/2022 21:04

Kite22 · 13/06/2022 21:03

Yet you are happy enough to let her make you feel uncomfortable ? Confused

I know its pathetic isn't it.

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Mamette · 13/06/2022 21:05

925XX · 13/06/2022 20:57

She does not actually walk off but if another person comes in the room, I am cut dead while she talks to them. For instance today she said "how did the party go?" I said well it was so funny, Jo Bloggs had this red bag...... her adult daughter walks in the room who lives there and my friend says "shall we to to the market tomorrow?" my conversation has now been lost.

Yabu if she’s done this more than twice to you and you keep trying to answer her.

”How was the party?”
”Good”
Go about your business.

WishILivedInThrushGreen · 13/06/2022 21:05

I have a 'friend' who I see a couple of times a year.
I always look forward to seeing her. She always seems to look forward to seeing me too.

Yet, as soon as her phone pings, she stops the conversation to check her phone. It's always a Facebook thing... a photo, a meme , a message whatever. She shares them with me .
We might have been talking about an elderly parent with dementia, a ( adult) child who has a problem, a juicy piece of gossip from a workplace , filling each other in with our news, yet we have to stop while she answers or scrolls and then the conversation is lost.

She is absolutely attached to her phone and is often 'lost' for a fair few minutes.
It's never anything important.

Pisses me off.

925XX · 13/06/2022 21:06

Mamette · 13/06/2022 21:05

Yabu if she’s done this more than twice to you and you keep trying to answer her.

”How was the party?”
”Good”
Go about your business.

Great answer. thanks.

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IFeelItInMyFingersIFeelItInMy · 13/06/2022 21:09

She could have absent minded epilepsy or something? I have a friend whose cousin has it and she said her cousin would basically look like he's not paying attention and then suddenly phase back in but when he did phase back in, it would also mean he'd almost act like he wasn't in a conversation to begin with!

925XX · 13/06/2022 21:13

WishILivedInThrushGreen · 13/06/2022 21:05

I have a 'friend' who I see a couple of times a year.
I always look forward to seeing her. She always seems to look forward to seeing me too.

Yet, as soon as her phone pings, she stops the conversation to check her phone. It's always a Facebook thing... a photo, a meme , a message whatever. She shares them with me .
We might have been talking about an elderly parent with dementia, a ( adult) child who has a problem, a juicy piece of gossip from a workplace , filling each other in with our news, yet we have to stop while she answers or scrolls and then the conversation is lost.

She is absolutely attached to her phone and is often 'lost' for a fair few minutes.
It's never anything important.

Pisses me off.

Yes pisses me off too. A few years ago I was telling an incredibly stupid woman that My husband had had a heart attack. Her reply was "oh" " I must wash my net curtains"

OP posts:
925XX · 13/06/2022 21:14

IFeelItInMyFingersIFeelItInMy · 13/06/2022 21:09

She could have absent minded epilepsy or something? I have a friend whose cousin has it and she said her cousin would basically look like he's not paying attention and then suddenly phase back in but when he did phase back in, it would also mean he'd almost act like he wasn't in a conversation to begin with!

defo NOT epilepsy.

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