To want a baby?

[BabiesOnMyMind]

I’m 36 with two dc already, but having another baby is literally all I think about.
Its a strange feeling as I never really felt this strong about having children before I had my two, nor have I ever really wanted anymore.

I’ve looked into so many different ways of having more as I’m single, so the conventional way is out of the question although I have considered asking exdp if he’s willing to donate 😂
I don’t know if it’s my age or something else but I feel empty, it’s quite sad actually saying out loud but I’ve been looking at prams the lot.

I don’t know what to do

I'm mid-thirties and single too and I am planning on having a baby on my own (unless I meet the love of ny life very, very soon). I'm hoping to start trying later this year or early next year.

Could you financially support a 3rd child?

I’m by no means well off but do have a bit stashed away in savings, so yes could support another child.

I don’t feel as though I will potentially meet anyone and be together long enough to then get pregnant. I don’t want to rush into things with the wrong person, however if I was to go it alone via a sperm donation I know what I’m letting myself in for if that makes sense?

It’s hormones. So YANBU to have hormones, obviously, but you might want to hang on for the sudden reversal when it passes. 😉 I was so glad I didn’t act on my late-30s bloodiness.

Broodiness!

How long did it take for it to pass?

3 years maybe 4.

Oh no I’m a year in lol I think I might crack 😂

Are you wanting to live the baby stage again or actually do all the child bits too like pay for childcare and then starting school? If it's just the baby bit maybe one of those reborn dolls would help fight the urge?

All of it really, there was a lot of issues when I was pregnant with my dc and I allowed people to get involved and take over certain things, so feel I missed out on a lot especially when they were younger.

Also the breakdown of the relationship with their dad made things very difficult and I wasn’t very stable or happy, however I know I’m in a better place mentally and financially now.

For a long time I considered a 3rd and a big part of it was cos I wanted to get it "right". I felt like I could have done the first 2 pregnancies and early years better and this would give me a chance.

I eventually realised that this wouldn't be possible. And that I'd done the best I could in difficult circumstances. And a 3rd pregnancy would probably be hyperemesis again. And I still wouldn't get a baby who slept well, didn't have reflux and migraines and ADHD and all the other problems we've gone through.

I am now 40 and so so glad I stopped at 2. Cos I can give my all to raising them as well as possible and hoping for a new chance with baby 3 was stupid cos I'd still be juggling DC1 and 2 and their problems.

Go get some therapy!

not saying you’re mad but actually getting some help to process through your thoughts and emotions is likely to be really helpful - it’s possibly hormones - it’s possibly you wanting to ‘get it right’ this time round but whatever it is, would it be terrible to spend a couple of hundred quid on sitting down and working it out before potentially spending thousands on sperm donor/insemination and/or tens of thousands raising another child?

Honestly, it sounds like you want the perfect baby/situation to enjoy it the way it should have been, which might happen....and it might not. Not sure what age your other children are but with 3 under 5 I'd say think very carefully about it and how a baby limits what you can do with your other kids.

I’ve had plenty of therapy, which is why I know what I want.

I’m under no illusions that having another would in anyway be perfect and I’m not looking for perfect.

My dc are 11 so it could be a combination of them growing up and hormones thrown into one, but it feels as though this is what’s missing from my life.

I wouldn't.

This child would have no father while your existing two do so that seems a bit cruel to me.

Also, you'd need a bit more cash than a bit stashed away.

I do actually think it's a bit selfish to have kids and I say that as a mother.

Oooh no don't. Not when you have 2 already. It's only human to feel this way in your mid to late 30s, (as you're heading towards the end of your most fertile years,) but it will pass! And it will be especially hard as a single mum! DON'T DO IT!

@thelastshadowpuppet

I do actually think it's a bit selfish to have kids and I say that as a mother.

Why? Why on earth is it selfish to have kids? Bizarre thing to say.

@PurpleButterflyWings of course it's selfish. We have kids because we want them, not because they ask to be born so of course it's selfish.

Good luck whatever you decide op.

I know I know, I keep saying to myself I’m free….but then what will I do with that free time?

I wouldn’t do it either. Eventually they all grow up & at some point you’ll have to make a decision about what to do with your free time. Maybe make a list of things you really want to do in the future? Things for you.

I felt similar and had my last at 36. Didn't feel at all broody after that but felt really broody after no.2.