I wouldn't be friends with myself, I'm horrible!

[nickthefox]

I am such a nasty person I really wouldn't be friends friends myself if I met me now. I am afraid my long term partner (have children with) and my 2 friends are stuck with me because I was nice when we met.

Since I've had children I am late to everything, bail almost every time we go out, never answer the phone and when we are together the burden of going out with children and baby is just constant. I only talk about what's wrong and I'm draining myself but I'm so tired

I haven't seen my other friend in about 2 years because I'm just so embarrassed about who I am now. I'm flakey, moany and late. I also don't wear make up or brush my hair enough and I am always covered in sick or food and handprints. I feel like I've lost myself and I've now been a grown up with children longer than I have been without them so I feel like i never really got to learn how to be myself or be by myself.
my house is a mess and my children always touch the ornaments at friends house. I lean on her too much and I know my partner isn't attracted to me anymore because I'm just a shell with big eye bags.

it wasn't supposed to be like this, I am actually fun and cool and I like wearing make up but I can't even do it right anymore because I'm so out of practice, and get this, maybe maybeleen doesn't even make my favourite eyeliner anymore that's how long I've been like this.

This is semi light hearted because I know children are great and becoming a mother changes everyone but I feel so lost and unreliable and useless its embarrassing.
Does it get better? can I find myself again? I can't even remember my own name I've been called mommy for so long now

In what ways are you nasty and horrible though? You've pretty much described me in your op. I've really lost myself and let myself go over the years but I'm not nasty and horrible and still think I'm a nice person.

You have described me to a T! Its a horrible feeling isn't it🌸

Having young children is really hard. Ive had pnd this time round and have become flakey and less organised. My self esteem is in tatters and im knackered all of the time. I have found councelling and anti depressants have helped me and a husband who is supportive and pulls his weight. Im hoping ad they kids get older i will have more freedom to get back to me

You are not horrible! Being horrible is about being mean to someone intentionally, hurting someone, being cruel, committing crime with bad intent.

You are just tired! Ok, maybe you've let friends down, but real friends will understand why, give you time, and still be there for you even if you don't pick up the phone for years!

Not wearing make up certainly doesn't make you horrible! If it does, I've been horrible since birth!!

Give yourself a break, take a bath, make a cup of tea and be kind to yourself 💐💐

i don’t see any nastiness or horribleness.

Plenty of people don’t wear make up btw. I don’t, my children are no longer that demanding and I could put on makeup if I wanted to but I like my face without it.

You need to work on your self worth. You don’t sound horrible or nasty.

You are being very unfair and cruel to yourself. You aren't horrible or any of the other things you wrote. You're stretched to thin and knackered, that's it.

That’s not being horrible!!! You sound touched out exhausted and overwhelmed
How old are your kids and how many do you have
do you work?
I only ask that because my job gets me away from dc and gives me structure to the week eg the housework must be done x task on x day because I’m in work the next day

need to wash and style my hair the 2 days I go in the office and throw on a bit of slap those days!

Could I recommend a book? It's called how to do everything and be happy by peter jones. I read it when DS was 18mo and it changed my life. It will help you prioritise, and get your life looking a bit more how you want it to.

@Kittykat93 I don't follow through with plans, I'm flakey, I stress and moa

I don't read anything that rings nasty and horrible. You sound tired and overwhelmed. Some of the things you mention (children touching ornaments) is not something you need to overthink. The good news is that the things you have mentioned are all things that you can change.

thanks for the book recommendation and I have good intentions to read it but in reality it will be put on the bottom of a long list of things to do and I'll be 94 when I have time.

I am I am short with my children and snap at them, same with my DP who I love dearly but as soon as he is off from work I just tell him everything that's annoyed me that day (the bus drove past me, the buggy wheel fell off, the children ripped half my hair out and I shouted non stop) and he has asked me to keep it to myself and not stress him out when he walks through the door and I don't, I literally can't help myself. most days he's the only human that didn't come out of me that I see and it's so lonely. all if My friends bar 2 fucked off and I haven't seen one in 2 years and I'm reluctant to leave her off the list because one friend is so worse than 2.

I'm on mumsnet despite running late for school. I don't work I just have 4 children all under 10 and one is a baby (I don't learn)

You have 4 children, its to be expected you are going to be tired and have no time for socialising etc. I am sometimes a flake and have less dc than you. You are not horrible but someone that needs much more TLC.
Can you take a day off and do a spa day with one or two friends? They all stick around because they care, and one day the babies will grow up you won't be covered in sick, you will miss the days past but you will have more sleep and more time. Then you will laugh about the days you are surviving now and your friendships will be solid and rooted in shared experiences and stress.