To consider a termination because I can't parent?

[oneforsorrow1]

Hi all,

Feeling awful this morning - I'm 17 weeks pregnant and I'm suffering with pregnancy insomnia so absolutely knackered all the time and I keep having bouts of sickness (nothing like HG but when they hit, they're pretty bad).

I have a 16 month old son and I am lucky that I have a supportive DH and family who are helping me with him but I mostly look after him in the morning.

This morning has been awful I've been really sick and dizzy on the top of being knackered and husband woke toddler when leaving at 6 so I got his bottle ready and brought him into my bed for a cuddle ( I usually bring him downstairs, change his bum and give him some milk) and to drink his milk while I tried to feel a bit better and confident enough to carry him downstairs but in a momentary lapse of judgement I forgot about his nappy and poor thing ended up wetting the bed which is completely my fault so of course I got up, bathed him and got him changed and dressed.

But now I just can't stop crying like I know 17 weeks is quite a late termination but I'm a really shit mum who can't even meet my toddlers basic needs.

I just really hate myself right now.

You’re tired and catastrophising. Good mothers worry about making mistakes and if they’re crap.

Please ring your GP and ask for some support. No parent is perfect and forgetting one nappy change does not make you a bad mum! Being a mum is hard work, but the fact that you feel so upset just shows how much you care about your toddler and little one on the way <3

We all have bad days and we're all human OP. Take a step back and know that this is likely a very temporary feeling. Is there anyone you can meet up with today for some company or support?

Talk to yourself the way you would want your DC to talk to themselves in this situation, with kindness!

You are a wonderful mum and it’s really tough being pregnant with a toddler, especially when you’re on your own. Sometimes since I had the younger one I find having both DC around a bit easier than when I was pregnant as I was so exhausted/sick/emotional most of the time. Cut yourself some slack, you’re doing a difficult job in difficult circumstances.

It's really hard work but you're doing a good job. I know it doesn't feel like it now but this bit is such a short phase and it will end xx

Sweetie, that’s not even a bad or dangerous lapse of judgment. It just created more work for you, which is a bit overwhelming. You’re extremely tired and have a lot of emotions right now. Be kind to yourself!

Every parent has had a moment like that. Don’t beat yourself up.

but do talk to your husband and medical professionals to make sure your being fully supported.

You can have a termination for any reason you want.

However saying that, it doesn't sound like you want one. Have you spoken to your gp? Is there any medication that could help

Can you get any more family or paid support, this is short term and there is no shame in asking for help. You are not a bad mum, a wet nappy does no lasting damage.

It's obviously very much your choice. It just sounds like you're a great mum having a crap morning though.
Don't worry about the nappy, he won't have cared, you're trying your best which is all you can do.
Have you been to the doctors? They were excellent when I was in the same boat, I needed to try 3 different tablets before I got one that worked for me and it was like magic when it did.
Could you possibly put DS in nursery 1-2 mornings per week or have a babysitter for a few hours? As you're in the house a young local girl might be happy to do it for a reasonable rate.
I appreciate at 16 months they don't really watch TV but coco melon is pretty easy to have on in the background. I used to pop it on, give DS a bowl of dry cheerio's on the sofa and that would buy me at least 15 mins to rest next to him. Then I'd lay on the floor propped up on cushions whilst he played around me until nap time! There were definitely times nappies weren't changed as fast as usual or lunch was beige. But we got through it.
They are 15 months and 3 now and adore each other, play beautifully together and bring me genuine joy.

You sound overwhelmed but in no way a bad mum.
If it helps, I once let my baby have some nappy off time and he crawled off and pooed on the carpet, so I cleaned him / it up but forgot to actually put a fresh nappy on him and while I was cleaning the stain he went off and pooed on another bit of carpet!
These things happen. They really do. It's a one off, no lasting harm done and you are not neglectful or ignoring his basic needs - you are human and doing your best, and if this is the worst thing to have happened then it sounds like you are a very good mother indeed.

I am 19 weeks pregnant with two DC's (7+4) and no joke accidentally fed the chicken cat litter instead of her pellets last week. This will pass!

Op you sound like a lovely mum and you sound like you know what you’re doing! I was going give you an anecdote about my sil who thinks she’s amazing at parenting and did similar to you (but worse!) and she’s a social worker. You’ve got this.

Thank you for being so kind everyone. I was a bit of a mess this morning but I've had a nap and a shower (DS is at MILs today) and I feel a million times better - I've also put some nappies upstairs and made a little emergency box in case I'm unwell again.

Thank you all again