Should I be concerned?

[Bagpuss2022]

My DD messaged me last night at just gone midnight saying she had started her period she’s 12 y7, I asked if she wanted to be picked up as she was staying overnight at her fiends she said no, She had pads etc as I have for a few years made sure her school bag had a little pack wipes,pads spare underwear and She had that with her.
she was dropped off this lunch time and she was quiet but I knew they hadn’t slept much last night (group of girls)
i didn’t want to bombard her soon as she walked in she got a shower we had Sunday dinner she hardly ate anything but like her and as she has a serious medical condition she needs to eat.
I put some new pads chocolate and a magazine on her bed she messaged me thank you and said she was going to bed at 7pm her brother 17 heard her crying sobbing and came to us
I went upstairs and tried speaking to her she just sobbed I don’t know wether it’s a combination of overtired and obviously changes or something else.
we have had a open dialogue for many years about these things and she’s very hardy she’s had to be with her medical condition a period is a pea in the ocean compared what she has to do daily

are the hormones that instant straight away? She’s so chilled normally and very happy so this is a very different and abnormal behaviour for her
we just had a cuddle and she asked could she sleep in our bed I said of course and she snook her old cuddly monkey and is now asleep

so not to drip feed I was SA for 6 years I hid my period staring at 9 so don’t know if that’s clouding my judgment
tia

My DD is 11 and hasn't started her periods yet but I wouldn't be in the least bit concerned about that - combination of tiredness and hormones and just being overwhelmed with the whole thing.

I've got three adult DDs. It isn't just the hormones, starting your period is a big change and can bring up a lot of different feelings. But with the hormones, change and the run down/pain feelings, tears and wanting to get into your bed is perfectly understandable. Two of mine were fiercely independent, but liked to be fussed on their first two days of being on. Don't dismiss her period/feelings because of her medical condition, this is all new to her.

I would never dismiss her feelings her condition although serious is well managed and not who she is, I was just worried as it’s so out of character she’s had many sleepless sleepovers and never a year
I do know my ideas are skewed on this because of my childhood I have two much older sons
i just wish my mum would of picked up on my upset then maybe I would of been spared years of torture I think I am overly protective she’s our only daughter

It has hit her like a sledgehammer that she has turned from a child into a young woman overnight. That's a lot to take in.

Just don't give up ok.youve got gut and maternal instincts for a reason.something is saying to you some things up.now whilst there might not be,there could be so keeo and eye and note importantly keep making sure there are plenty if safe times to talk or share.
Be over protective that's ok to all the sign a and tears and witness you've named on here! Be more snuggly and mothering. If somethings up she will need that.
Could someone have said some thing at the sleepover.kids can be mean fuckers.
Just keep talking.keep comforting.
Sending her texts even from the loo saying " just sat here thinking of u and wanted to let you No!" Put her at ease.keep reassuring her.slip notes under her door etc
I no exactly what you mean by wishing someone could have seen your pain or picked up on what you allowed yourself to show for help .so don't dismiss this.stick with it.have you any anecdotes of how u felt on your period.
Things will soon show if all back to normal but it's still better that you made sure she knows you've got her back and can say anything.

I think it can be quite overwhelming to start having periods despite being informed and prepared for them. I remember being dreadfully upset when I started mine. I can't remember why now, but I used to avoid going on proper days out e.g. theme parks, if I was on my period. I was too scared to use tampons and so I was worried about what would happen on holidays with swimming. It felt like quite a burden at the time.

Thank you both hearing her giggling with her school friends after a good sleep has real reassured me
I do think it’s completely normal but my “issues” might if complicated what I have seen
i have left her a note in her lunch box and favourite dinner tonight nothing wrong with a bit of pampering right?

Could something have happened at the sleepover?

Absolutely op and I can tell you there's nothing better than receiving those surprise little notes

Awww op @Bagpuss2022 you sound like a fantastic mam. Just what she needs. I'm so sorry for what you endured as a child tho.
I remember being at a friend's house to hear about her holiday. I went home for lunch and had started my periods. I was devastated and made my mam promise not to tell anyone. I could not wear the bracelet my friend had brought me back for years because of the link to that day.

During the first year of one of my daughters periods, she was extremely hormonal the first day of her periods. Super moody, so contrary that she would self sabotage. Then she would laugh about it and explain matter of factly she was on her period.

What does SA mean op?

I remember starting my first ever period a few months after turning 13. It came as quite a surprise despite having had the lessons on it etc. I think i was a bit unusual that it started not long before i needed a wee, and was very light so was mostly just very dark brown "old" blood mixed in discharge, i was expecting a much higher ammount of bright red blood. I vaguely remember confusion if it was my period or an accident of other sorts to begin with because of the colour. So despite having sanitary pads and knowing how to use them, i didn't put anything on and went back downstairs a bit fuddled. Only my older sister was home, i mentioned it to her that i thought i might have started my first period, and she asked did i have anything, i said yes but not on, and she told me to go put a pad on. That's all i remember, not just of that period but tbh of any period for the next 5 years til i was about 18, and i don't know when i told my mum, its odd i have so little memory of it all.

I was 10 when my periods started and I cried. I wasn’t ready to grow up. I didn’t want to not be a child anymore, if that makes sense. It was the realization that childhood was coming to an end. I didn’t want to have breasts and wear a bra, etc. I wanted to be like my friends.

You sound like a kind mum. When you went into check on her, why didn't you ask her to tell you what was making her cry? Sounds like you are just making guesses. Maybe someone at the sleepover made fun of her, told her a stupid period myth, maybe fe found out that she is the first in her group to get it?

Just chat to her and find out what is going on.

You sound like great mum! What lovely things to do for her.

My first thought was, somethong might have happened at the sleepover to upset her. Maybe someone has perhaps said something either intentionally or unintentionally, about periods that has freaked her out and she is scared.

Perhqps it was just hormones or thenfact her period started and caught her unawares that upset her. If she is still upset, ask her outright if something happened at the sleepover to upset her.

Thanks for the lovely replies I wasn’t expecting it especially on here,
for those asking I did ask if she was okay and why she was upset when DS2 found her upset she said she was tired.
I was SA (sexually abused for the poster how don’t know what it was) from 3 -17 bio dad and step father. So I know I’m overly worried when it comes to things like this.
she’s been so happy today lots of hugs and reassurance DH has been so sweet to her and so has DS2 he doesn’t know he doesn’t need to know but he’s picked up on it picked her up in his car and took her for McDonald’s
AIBU is ruthless and I’m not a new poster I was one of those whose data was compromised my MHNU