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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Comments made by DS dad...

2 replies

Wednesdayafternoon · 12/06/2022 20:37

So DS lives the majority with me but does stay overnight at his dads weekly.
He doesn't like sleeping over and I normally have to talk him round but I know he's happy there and I've never denied him of it.
He does say I front of his dad he doesn't want to slee etc which is abit awkward and I feel for him... but what can I do 🤷🏼‍♀️
So it normally comes into conversation, prompted by my sons, about what we're doing when he gets home. I never make a big fuss about it but I'll just generally say what our weekend plans are. For example normally a day out or something like that. I used to also have a little cookie ready for him when he came home when he was younger, just a little gesture for when he gets back.
Anyway, Ex on a number of occasions has told me to be "mindful" of telling him what we're doing because son won't stop talking about it when he's there and it takes away from their time. For example, one week I just very get ally said to him "we need to go to town to get your brothers birthday present this weekend" and apparently DS wouldn't talk about anything else other then going to the toy shop.
So I've taken it on board. But this weekend my mum had mentioned in the week she was going to give him some pocket money when she sees him (which was told after o collected him) and when o did pick him up ex had a face like thunder and ds had some money in his hand because apparently all DS wanted to talk about was pocket money from my mum.

I do totally understand where he's coming from and o find it hard aswell when DS's mind is somewhere else but I'm getting to the point where I'm feeling like ex is telling me I can't talk about plans or things with my son which I think is just unfair. He's said in the past I do ot so he looks forward to coming home which is just ridiculous, it's just normal chit chat!

What do you guys think about this?

For context, ex can be an absolute egotistical a**hole and current counciling is really opening my eyes to themes of competitiveness and unfairness in this comparenting!

OP posts:
bea179 · 12/06/2022 20:43

Definitely depends on what he is actually saying - just to be the person on the flip side, my DSD will say things like "my mummy's got a surprise for me when I go home" etc and it's definitely things that are told to make her look forward to going back. We just say things like oh that'll be nice. But it does feel sometimes like her mum is trying to create competition around where she wants to spend her time (however there is a lot more to our situation - e.g. DSD telling her mum in an argument she wants to live here and her mum saying we wouldn't let her see her mum ever again etc - so I do appreciate your situation may not be as complex as ours).
I think dad is probably feeling hurt, it is hard, whether it can be helped or not, when a child is really looking forward to leaving you. He of course can't push this on your son, it's his issue to deal with but I have no doubt it hurts

Wednesdayafternoon · 12/06/2022 20:58

@bea179 ex definitely tries to put this spin on things but it's absolutely not the case. He just wants me to be a bad guy. He's creating a vibe of me feeling like I can't talk to my son about things yet he can. I have to deal with it too. Son looks forward to treats and promises he makes and like I said on my OP it is hard and I do understand that.... but I don't tell ex what he can talk to ds about.
I'm sorry you're in a tricky situation. I absolutely cannot cope with parents who use their children like that. And it's concerning what habits their children will pick up from that too!
I hope things get easier for you all xx

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