to think sometimes it would just be easier if it was me managing things by myself. No DH

[FiveHoursAleep]

He's wonderful and I'd never want a divorce. But sometimes he drives me mad :( When it's just me organising the children everything goes smoothly, we have fun, all smiles even when things are unexpected (ie. Something's cancelled - we find something else to do etc..). But when we do family activities with DH it's always so stressful. I think because I let go a bit and rely on him to help but then he cocks everything up, or is moody and it ruins things, then I get stressed. Sometimes I just think life would be easier if I was a single mum. I know it wouldnt. I love him. But why is life harder when he's around? 🙅

I can categorically tell you from the other side, that yes, my life is infinitely more relaxed and positive without a husband.
Probably depends on logistics (ie ages of your children) and finances (can you afford to fund two houses) but I have been blown away by how much nicer mine is since divorce. I am very very grateful he had an affair, as things would never have ended otherwise (it wasn't bad 'enough')

Yeah, things are not perfect, but life is loads better off in general since I got divorced. Sorry

Because having a man in your life is generally hard work. You are most likely a maid, PA and mummy to all, despite him apparently being wonderful.

There is a reason why married men and single women are the happiest people.

Yep, life is bliss really. A rough couple of years to find my groove, but wonderful now.

I feel the exact same way sometimes OP. My DH can be an anxious stresshead. When he's in a mood he can rush things, get impatient, and what would've been a nice family day our ends with us arguing followed by silent treatment. Sometimes I feel like I'm managing another child!

Mine definitely would be. DH with chronic illness is hard work.

It's not a case of bad people. To me, it's the continuous micro-negotiations that, however respectfully and easily handled, negate individual freedom.

Choosing a house. Picking a holiday. Where are we going for lunch.

Bleh.

I'm planning and preparing to have completely separate property interests just so there's something that's entirely mine that I don't need to share with someone else.

There is a reason why married men and single women are the happiest people.

This always pops up on these threads but its single women without children that I said to be happier

My life is massively easier overall with DH who is a SAHD and handles the domestic front. I still know what you mean though!

I had a week holiday with just DS and it was fantastic, so so relaxed. I don’t think it’s really DH fault though I think it is just the novelty of doing what I wanted (within reason, I had a 4 year old in tow!).

Absolutely. I have 4 kids and when my ex was away working, things were easier. He never contributed anything helpful, just added more work and then got pressured for sex. The last thing I wanted after looking after the kids, doing all the housework and cooking and all the mental load was to be intimate with someone who just added to my load.

I'm a single mum with a boyfriend and things are full on at the moment and even my lovely boyfriend I'm finding hard work.

Don't know if it is me that's the problem but I love not living with a man.

I did have boyfriends before having kids and they were great to live with. Pulled their weight, they were fun, gave me space etc. It is just since having kids, we have so much on our plates and at least the men I am/was with, don't really do proper parenting /housework.

Balancing a partner and a child tends to be tricky.

In the meantime, maybe it's best just to do very simple things when he's in charge?

And it’s not true either way: ifstudies.org/blog/does-marriage-really-make-us-healthier-and-happier

I understand. I find parenting easier on my own on a day to day basis. Long term...then no

I know the feeling - not so much for organising events or day-to-day stuff, but big things like building work, decoration etc. He wants to be involved but it's never the right moment to have the conversation about it, and when we do have the conversation, he doesn't remember it. It took 3 conversations over 6 weeks to repeatedly explain just the new light fitting plan in the front room and he still didn't remember why the electricians were coming when I told him they were starting the next day. Or he agrees to a colour scheme, for example, but changes his mind at the last minute. I sometimes wish I had one of those husbands who doesn't care about that stuff and lets his wife get on with it!

Good grief... l had to check the Poster Name as l would have written an identical post!!

Yep! I could have written the same post. The kids are a bit older now and they have also noticed that we have more fun without dad! Eek! The crazy thing is, he’s pretty good with little ones, just can’t handle the fact that pre-teens are human too and have their own opinions. It’s exhausting being piggy in the middle.

He had a stint in hospital once and it was quite lengthy. I had everything running like clockwork and then he came home and disrupted everything! I know I could manage alone though so am biding my time. It’s not quite bad enough for me to go at this stage but I wouldn’t say we’ll always be together. It’s the constant negotiation as a PP said. I’ve just come into some money and started looking at lovely expensive holidays yesterday. Normally it would be more of a budget or shop around job. He went straight to the Ryanair website and I was like - for once, I just want to have fun and not get flights at crap times to save £20 here and there (not a stealth boast by the way, this has been years coming, and instead of being happy or grateful I was going to treat us to the holiday of a lifetime, he ruined my excitement with a 6am flight to the arse end of nowhere. Just no. Not this time! Maybe I’ll leave him at home 🤣

I find it twice the mental and physical workload when my husband is away. Because when he is here, he does his share or more so when he is away my workload doubles. I honestly cant fathom a relationship where it's easier without the other person. That's not a partnership. And in all honesty the relationships I know where it's been easier when the husband is away, have all ended.

You say you love him but how can you be ok with him ruining family days out with bad moods? You say you never want a divorce but you've clearly spent time thinking how things would be better if you were a single mum so you are pretty much mentally half way to a divorce.

I'm sorry I know I sound harsh but the first stage is saying it out loud. After that, if nothing changes, it seems like you are delaying the inevitable

Oh god, the decorating...

I could have strangled DH when after three weeks of debate and a week of me being up and down the ladder painting, and finally two months of adding little bits to the bedroom decor...

"Oh, I actually quite like the Blush Rose."

FUCK OFF. Thats was my favourite, not the one we compromised on!

There is a reason why married men and single women are the happiest people.

This is a proverb!

Or he agrees to a colour scheme, for example, but changes his mind at the last minute. I sometimes wish I had one of those husbands who doesn't care about that stuff and lets his wife get on with it!

Oh you don't trust me! DH is actually great at diy and will fix stuff when it breaks but he doesn't care about how the house actually looks. He would live in a house for decades and never decorate. So I have to do it all and it's so hard to do on your own. He has been saying it's not a priority for 15 years ffs.