To have gone away this weekend?

[cadburyegg]

DS1 came down with a vomiting bug on Wednesday, but recovered quickly. DS2 came down with it on Thursday morning but he had it much worse - couldn't keep anything down, being sick every hour. Friday morning 7am was the last episode of vomiting that I witnessed, he was tired and slept a lot on Friday which is pretty normal for after a tummy bug ime.

It's ex's weekend to have them (he usually has them every 3rd weekend for 3 nights) but I suggested that they both stay with me Friday night due to the bug and to avoid DS2 travelling in a car. Ex picked them up Saturday morning instead. On Saturday DS2 seemed much better, no vomit, still tired but happily playing with DS1.

I usually stay home on my "weekends off" but I'd planned a night away with a friend in London, had been organised for weeks, which I went to and got back a few hours ago.

Ex kept hassling me from 3pm onwards with texts saying how unwell DS2 was (he knew I was away). He's been violently sick again" "2nd bout of diarrhoea" "I'm bringing him back to yours I haven't got lots of spare bedding" "I won't be able to take DS1 to friend's party" "the kids just want to come home"

For context DS2 has vomited twice since yesterday and had diarrhoea 3 times.
I've come home feeling horribly guilty for not being here in the first place, even though I know that ex should be more than capable of looking after sick kids, I do it all the time without him.

So WIBU?

I'd say no; YANBU. one of the joys of parenting is cleaning up after pukey kids. Sadly you don't get to pick just the nice sanitised bits

He's being a dick. He's their parent.

Looking after such children is part of being a parent.

I hope you enjoyed your weekend. Don't let him make you feel guilty for it.

Don’t feel guilt.

your Ex is a capable of mopping up sick and poo as you are. I’m sure he’s also capable of washing/drying bedding.

He was texting to make you feel obligated to go home and take the kids back.

Taking care of sickly kids might be a shitty job but it’s not a highly skilled one. He was quite capable of looking after them it’s just easier if you do it. Don’t feel bad and next time you go away switch your phone off.

I don't think you did anything wrong sending them to their other parent, ill or not. He should be just as capable as you to manage sick children.
Don't think I'd have risked going away in case I'd picked it up though.

He can't even manage 3 days in 21? YADNBU. I can see why he's an ex!

Of course he's struggled. If we're generous, he seems them on av one day a week, but in blocks so on av he misses all the incidental poorly days. That means he needs to do it more often, not less. He needs to know how to care for his kids when they're sick as well as when they're well. If you fall over and break two legs tomorrow he'd have to cope. So he can cope now.

My kids currently have the same thing by the sounds of it, im a single parent too and quite frankly there is no way in hell I could have left them when they’re so poorly, I can’t even sleep right now because I’m worried I won’t hear one of them if they’re ill in the night.
But that’s me, and my situation and I know my ex couldn’t cope, he’s a great fun dad but not for anything else and would probably make them feel worse in all honesty. If you think your ex is capable then do what you want, but the fact he wanted them to come back suggests he isn’t 🤷‍♀️ Just because he should be able to manage doesn’t mean he is able to and so that does mean you stepping up (as I have to too so know the feeling there!)
Also “hassling”? Again, personally I’d want to be hassled and know how my kids are getting on.

YANBU. He’s their father not the third child.

thank god he’s your ex :)

He's a dick. He didn't want to do the shitty stuff and sure as hell didn't want you enjoying yourself while he did it.

My ex texted me from another country where he'd taken DD on holiday that she had an upset stomach. WTF? I said what are you telling me for? Take her to the pharmacy!
They literally don't think any of this is their job.

YANBU. They both seemed on the mend and he's their parent, not a random babysitter. And part of being a parent is dealing with poo and sick. No one enjoys doing it 🤷‍♀️

You are definitely not being unreasonable

thanks all. I obviously deal with the majority of the sick days. Why should he only get the fun bits?

He can't even manage 3 days in 21? YADNBU. I can see why he's an ex!

That puts things into perspective thanks!!

Also “hassling”? Again, personally I’d want to be hassled and know how my kids are getting on.

He messaged me 35 times between 3pm Saturday and 12 noon Sunday, including a voicemail where he dramatically declared he was going to take DS2 to hospital (he didn't), and messaged me every time DS2 had diarrhoea or vomited.

I did reply to some of the messages telling him to give DS2 diarolyte that I'd sent with him, so it's not like they were all unanswered but still.

So yeah I think that is hassling

35 messages? Jesus, he’s a useless part, isn’t he?

Don't feel guilty. He is the parent too, and should be capable of looking after his children.

Women aren't born knowing how to deal with sick kids, changing nappies, cleaning,cooking,washing, We learn... just like men should...

He messaged me 35 times between 3pm Saturday and 12 noon Sunday, including a voicemail where he dramatically declared he was going to take DS2 to hospital (he didn't), and messaged me every time DS2 had diarrhoea or vomited.

so now you know what to do whenever they are sick, right?

He’s an arsehole. You’ve fine. Hope both DC feel better now.