in feeling totally and utterly done it with all the 'advice' out there....

[dal21]

DS is 18 weeks....and I am exhausted with filtering through all the guidelines and advice to make a decision......it goes something like this

formula or breast?
if breast - whether to give dummy/ bottle due to nipple confusion
to co sleep or not
to room in or not (even though baby makes more noise than 10 snoring men!)
to do routine or not
to use disposables or washables
whether to do routine vaccinations
when to wean
whether to do baby led weaning or puree away

I could go on but it would get rather boring...and I can only imagine it gets more confusing the older they get (havent even started registering for schools yet)

Am I being unreasonable in thinking all these decisions should be easier? Oh and yes, may well have PFB syndrome....

Yes, try and trust your gut instincts, so much of the advice needs to be true for you and your baby

Just do what's right for you.

there is often no right answer and when there is a right answer it can be impossible (eg. caesarean versus natural)

OK, here's what you do.

As you reach each stage and decision, post a thread or do a search on here.

Read advice.

Pick bits you like.

Adapt if required.

Embark on your chosen option.

Sigh despairingly as it fails.

Try something else.

Sigh some more.

Get really hacked off.

End up doing what's easiest.

Become evangelical about it.

Rosemary - that's so true!

i'm sick of advice too. it would be really handy if books/hvs/everyone else would distinguish between what is evidence-based and proven, and what is someone else's bossy, interfering idea of what we should do

i think one should always follow the 2whatever gets you through the day" guru

LOL at rosemary! and fio - realisation is finally dawning on me that you are right!

You don't have to read every book or listen to all advice. Ask those experienced mums whose style you admire for aadvice- they will be flattered!
On the whole trust your instincts of course. Experience is the big factor though which is why I suppose MN is such a great place!

I think a lot of the time you have a fair idea what you'd like to do. I decided what I preferred then I looked through books and websites to find advice that agreed with me...

What rosemary said.

Message withdrawn

I just looked at a good overarching book (found the What to Expect series good) and then made up my own mind about things to suit my routine/lifestyle.

Discussed with HV if I needed more advice.

I didn't get overly hung up on anything (find that as kids are now 11 and 6 much more difficult in many ways) and found that most phases/transitions such as weaning, potty training passed off smoothly.

With bf I bf DS1 (but also gave him some bottles of EBM) for five months, tried to continue part time bf when return to work but he wasn't interested so he went straight on to formula.

But with DS2 bf him for six months then part time til he was 3 nearly 4. This was in the face of alot of resistance from almost everyone but it felt right for me and him and it came to its natural end.

Mind you I might have been a bit laid back re sleeping etc
mine have never gone to bed particularly early which I know is not acceptable to some.

I did have a routine of sorts but was flexible where necessary.

take advice from people you know, trust and admire, but even then, adapt it if it doesn't work for you.

my mum taught me all i know, and my god there was a lot to learn, but i stopped short on her pressure for me to put baby on a bottle full time, didn't feel right for me.

kids don't remember things 'til they're about 3, so thankfully DS won't remember the night when he was a few weeks old that i put him in front of CSI on the telly for half an hour as it was the only thing that kept him calm while i ate my dinner, about 3 hours late. baby won't hate you forever just because you fed him/her jarred babyfood etc. the main thing is love, care, safety, and attention. the rest is detail.

try, fail, try again, try something else, success, yippee, try again, fail- reach for a glass of wine then start it all again in the morning

thanks all for your reassuring words. DH tells me not to worry so much about some of the decisions we make and just go with it! guess he is right!

It's natural to worry. The worry doesn't go away as they get older, you just worry about different things (!)...Ok, some of the worry goes away . You stop worrying over the minor details. My motto now my son is almost 3 is 'If he's happy and healthy, I must be doing something right'. I look to him for signs that things are going well / need to change, rather than seeking approval or advice from outside. But that all comes with time and experience (=confidence).

My only advice () is to consider your instincts and how things sit with you 'in your gut' when you make choices about how you're going to do things. I launched into the whole sleep routine thing when my son was very small because I thought it was what 'I was supposed to do'. In actual fact, I am like a complete zombie when sleep deprived (I mean, worse than a zombie. I was severely depressed through lack of sleep) and in retrospect, I should have just gone with my instincts, which were to co-sleep and get some shut eye! But you live and learn :-)
Also - remember that most things aren't 'life or death'. E.g. You can feed your child pureed carrot one day and then decide that you can't be faffed with it and start BLW the next day; you can co-sleep for a while and see how it suits your family, and then decide actually you'd rather your baby slept in a cot next door to you etc etc etc. You don't have to 'get things right'. It's not a test (although motherhood is blardy testing at times ). Good luck x

try to remember that everything the 'experts' tell you now ,will inexplicably change in approximately 3 years ,as anyone with a big gap between their children will tell you ,so with all the best intentions in the world you will have done it all wrong !!!