To be frustrated with husband?

[InThePurpleHaze]

He has 2 autoimmune conditions, Ulcerative colitis and rheumatoid arthritis. Got made redundant last year. Joined a casework agency to find work as didnt want to be unemployed for ages. He didn't particularly want to do this line of work as it's physically demanding but needs must. The line of work he was previously in is quite unusual and doesn't come up often you see.
He can pick his days and although he is doing only a few, he is physically exhausted and can barely walk by the end. His conditions are both fairly well managed I have to add. The shifts can be very long, up to 10 hours but even the 7 hour ones leave him exhausted. He has also had coronavirus followed by 2 colds since he started. Although I feel for him this is surely better than being unemployed and having the stress of finding work on top of him especially as he can have rest days in-between and how many people get that privilege?
However tonight he has announced that he has to think of plan b as cannot carry on like this. He has no office experience so we've had an argument as he's not likely to be taken on anywhere else. Aibu to say he should try and stick this out a bit longer until he finds something else?

carework agency

To be honest my experience of care agencies is pretty bad, so I sympathise with him. He does need to find something he can manage, though.

you can't do physical work with rheumatoid arthritis, you really can't.

can he do phone work, like call-centre but from home? Does he have any qualifications for doing online work?

I think if he’s really struggling he shouldn’t have to wait until it breaks him to stop. He knows his body and if you trust he is in actual pain and not just a lazy lay about then I think he should stop. So yes yabu.

Do you work?

do you really want him sacrificing his health for the sake of a job?

Sounds like he needs the space to think about what he plans to do next. If he is skilled then he can start to apply for jobs in that area (jobs might not come up often but if his CV isn't up to scratch and he doesn't have time to look then he will never find anything).

Or if he wants to retrain then he needs time to find what that will be.

Are you desperate for the money or do you have some savings to support this.

His way of life needs to help his health.

he is physically exhausted and can barely walk by the end

This sounds horrible. Is it well paid or min wage kind of thing? Is there really nothing else he could do, like a supermarket checkout job or something just to earn something in a less physically demanding way? Is his income vital or can you cover it while he retrains or finds something more suited to his health?

I am so sick of crap reverse threads on here atm. They're almost as bad as these crap attempts to be impartial threads with a vague person A and B, even though it's always glaringly obvious which one the OP is.

You would be unreasonable to not listen to your dh when he says he cannot manage anymore.

Sounds like a reverse or a crap wife tbh.

YABVU

I think you're being unfair and hard on him. I would say that he needs to concentrate on getting the right job. I have 2 autoimmune diseases too, both are similar to rheumatoid arthritis and working 10 hours (even 7) will be horrendous for him, he'll feel so unwell. He should stop his current one and put all his efforts into finding one more suitable.

Wow of course he should stop this work. His health is more important

Can you increase your hours for now while he looks?

I appreciate it’s probably worrying with regards to money, but he’s tried to do the work, and you really can’t ask for anymore. If his job permanently damages his mental and physical health, I’m sure you would feel awful.
What about call centre work? Or an agency - lots of admin/data entry jobs don’t need any experience, just some computer literacy.

Care work nearly broke me, and I was in my early 40s and fit/well.

It's a horribly demanding job.

What the actual fuck?!!!

You’re massively unreasonable. I have lupus and other autoimmune issues and there’s no way I could work. At all. Some people do and that’s fine but he’s clearly telling you he can’t. So he will need to either find something else or stop working. If he’s disabled by his conditions then that’s life!

I make ends meet by getting the highest rates of PIP indefinitely/ ongoing - he should claim for PIP (you can get this whilst working though, it isn’t means tested) it might help you both out.

Have some compassion.

This work founds completely inappropriate.

I am in a similar situation H has ED and has limited mobility for huge chunks of time. Its frustrating he has no experience of office work and its really not his thing but I couldnt expect him to be in a job where he was on his feet all day. He's exploring options through temp agencies at the moment.

Those are vey serious conditions and will made much worse if he carries on. You need to find a different solution, call centre, admin anything seated really. Has he been assessed for PIP etc?

I'm sorry but I thought ED was erectile dysfunction?

Ehlers Danos?

We both have auntie immune conditions including the ones you have mentioned.
We both work full time at the moment but that's not a guarantee when we are older.

Both of us feel down about it sometimes but we are supporting each other and if someone needs to lie down when they get home the other does homework feeds kids etc.

We love each other and take care of each other.
Is that the problem OP? You don't want to actually be with him?
Is it difficult being the main breadwinner?
You possibly need to think about what you are cross about and which bit is affecting you most.

Also I got an office job with no experience previously. It can be done!