Will moving change my life?

[NewMe5452]

Okay not change my life completely! But will it make a difference you think?

moved here to London 10 years ago. Never really managed to make any connections with the community etc. was led by DH for a bit who claimed people don’t talk to neighbours in London and if I do then I will look weird (okay now I get it was his opinion and not a London rule).

The thing is I genuinely feel it is where we live and not me because it’s really difficult to make friends even though I’m very chatty to the neighbours. One set is an elderly couple who I say hello to but don’t socialise with, have really tried! But they don’t seem interested. One is a religious family who don’t drink - I have suggested to come over for a coffee but they don’t like to socialise which the lady said herself. I’ve really tried with other neighbours. It’s been slightly easier since having kids as it’s a conversation starter.

we looking to upsize since the kids but DH wants to stay in the area but I want to move a little bit out to a nicer area. We went to look at a few houses and was really happy as they were talking about that they have regular meet-ups in the area and neighbours even had a street party for the jubilee. My street had nothing.

so in a very roundabout way my question is will living in a cul-de-sac really help with being sociable or will it be like my street now where people don’t speak to each other?

I can tell you, the best thing to do to meet people in my experience has been us to get a dog :D

I live in a cul-de-sac and hardly know the neighbours. I see most of them getting into or out of their cars, that’s all.

I think it's a bit unusual to expect a social life from your neighbours (unless you live on Ramsey Street).

You say that 'one set is an elderly couple who I say hello to but don't socialise, I have really tried'....I mean, yes some older people do socialise of course, but to be honest if you are seeking an active social life why not join a walking group/gym/book club whatever, rather than trying to make friends with elderly neighbours?

I'm not sure that moving to a different location will bring what you are after.

Which part of London (roughly) are you in and thinking of moving to?

It’s difficult to say. I’ve lived on my quiet road for 16 years. Neighbours have come and gone in that time. We’ve had some we loved and got on great with, whereas the current next door neighbours are really hard work and struggle to say hello. I’d say it’s the luck of the draw. I’m just glad that so far none have been neighbours from hell.

I say go for it. If you know for sure the neighbors have regular meetups (I know some neighborhoods that do this but in another country) then I would go for it. At worse it would be the same but again you can join walking groups, book clubs, etc to try and meet people as well.

Just don't move to St Albans, people there are very reserved to a strange extent. I remember reading that the North, Midlands, Wales and West Country are more sociable.

I socialise with 3 households on my street and I'd say I'm very good friends with one of them! I'm in the north though and was quite forceful when I first moved to this street 🤣

We’re in South Yorkshire and we regularly have the neighbours round for drinks. We only moved here less than a year ago too! We’re in a very small cul de sac and it’s amazing. The children all play together, it’s quiet & we’re all so friendly with each other.
It was the same at our old house too; street party for VE Day, everyone friendly and chatted regularly.

I lived in different bits of London for 3 years and never knew any of my neighbours, IME people think you're odd if you try to chat to them when they don't already know you. I loathed every moment of being there having grown up in the West Country where everyone says hello. I moved to a village a couple hours from London and know most of the village by sight, say hi to everyone and chat to or am friends with lots of them. I send and receive Christmas cards from everyone in my road.

I think moving out of London would change your life, moving to another bit of London or the outskirts probably not.

Where in London are you? It’s definitely not a London rule that people don’t talk to each other. In the last 2 places I live in London I’ve got to know the neighbours and locals, shopkeepers etc. BUT I have a dog which is an excellent conversation starter and I’ve made good friends with other dog owners to the point we dog sit for each other, go to the local pub quiz etc. I would second the suggestion of getting a dog! Or move to a different part of London popular with younger people and first time buyers as they’re more likely to also be new to the area and wanting to make friends.

This is the absolute opposite experience to me! Lived in London 10 years and have more friends here than I ever had growing up in my midlands hometown. People say hello there but are pretty insular and judgemental if you don’t fit the suburban family stereotype. My mum still lives there and comments how much friendlier people are here in SE London when she comes to visit me!

How old are your DC? I would have thought it easier to make connections through DC than immediate neighbours (which, as you've found, can be hit and miss in terms of age, outlook, wanting to socialise).
Or through hobby groups? Or volunteering? The thing is, you may move somewhere all the neighbours are sociable - with each other. But either you or your DH don't click with them. Moving is quite the expensive upheaval to find out that your new neighbours aren't going to be your bffs.

It goes street by street. My friend waited years to get in her preferred street. She knows all the neighbours, Halloween was always a big deal etc. Now her kids are late teens/uni aged she is not so involved, but it was lovely when they were going to the local school.
I've just moved three streets away and we have a street WhatsApp group, mainly for 'can I borrow a pressure washer' 'can anyone recommend a cleaner' type stuff but we did have a MacMillan coffee morning and see each other in the park (yep, dogs are great). I'm 60 my kid goes to school in central London, so I don't have another way of meeting people. I wouldn't say these people are friends, but may be in time. At least it gives the area a community feel.
But thing is I wouldn't know it before I moved.