Am I overreacting?

[grimbled]

I'll keep it brief -

SS(7) has been a growing bad influence on DS(5.5) for about a year now.

He's taught him swear words and tells him he has to swear and fight to be 'cool' and taught him 'gay is disgusting'.
I've found out today that he's been telling DS that Santa isn't real.

I feel like I'm losing control of raising my own child and he's finding out/hearing stuff that is inappropriate for his age!

DP thinks I'm massively overreacting and thinks this is completely normal for siblings and normal thoughts/knowledge for SS's age and I feel vilified for even saying anything, but it's making me feel so unhappy now!

Am I actually overreacting?

Is DP your son's dad? If so he should step up and parent both of his children by teaching one not to be a dick and supporting the other more. If not I'd ditch him over this because you gotta do what's best for your DS and this is a horrible situation to be in.

I might ditch him regardless to be fair he sounds really ineffective and disinterested in his own child(ren?)

It's your DPs son, so not your step son for a start.
How long are you together.
Is your DP the father of your son?
Does the SS live with you? Or just visit?
Your DS will hear all of this in school, however I think your home your rules.

Doesn't sound like your ds has a great life....
You can change that op.

He’s just a little kid himself. There not really so much difference between a 7 year off and a 5.5 year old.

he’s heard these things from somewhere. I’d just correct him if he says anything which you fee is not appropriate for your son to hear. Sanctions if you hear him swearing or encouraging your ds to fight (though from my experience boys that age don’t need much encouragement to have a fight).

I think you’re being a bit precious tbh. They’re both just small boys and just need the bad behaviour correcting.

Clearly a DP problem. Is he always this lazy regarding parenting?

Also he's your DP therefore he's not your step son.

I think it’s a normal age to want to show off being the “older one” and try to boast that he knows how things work. So though I’d intervene, talking of swearing and fighting (though to depends to what extent!) and spilling the beans on Santa… I think that comes under normal parenting challenges.
I don’t think you have to “learn” that from anyone… you could bring 2 kids up in a vacuum and find the older showing off!

I think his homophobia is an entirely different matter though, and I’d be finding out where that has come from and speaking to school about how they counter that crap at school level.

And frankly I’d lose my respect for my husband if he was shrugging off homophobia.

This environment is not what's best for your child, and your partner is useless. It's time to go.

Oh that’s a good point… I assumed he was dad to both, but 7 to 5.5 is pretty quickly to have decided to have a child with him.
If he’s not your son’s dad, I’d reconsider the relationship. Not specifically to remove the influence of the son, but because realising that my boyfriend was homophobic by way of encouraging homophobic comments to my son, would put me right off him.

With regards to the homophobic comments. I’d want to find out where that’s come from. 7 year olds don’t just come out with that sort of thing off their own back. He’s heard it form either an adult or older child/teen. I want to get to the bottom of it. But in the mean time you just have to keep explaining that that is not a kind or acceptable thing to say and that he is not to say it around his step sibling.

Is he the father of both? If not, then dump him and his awful child. Is a man really worth your child growing up in that sort of environment. I have a 6yo and have had his friends around enough to know that this not normal 7yo language and behavior. All of them are really respectful and actually quite innocent. Your dp has already made his position clear , you can choose not to accept that.

My exh was a homophobic twat
. Not sure how he copes with ds 22 being gay!!