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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go for a promoted full time post?

33 replies

sparkysdream · 12/06/2022 10:06

I'm having a massive dilemma over whether to go for a new post at my work. I currently work 22 hours per week over 4 days, mainly from home, some travel. DH works full time from home.

The new post is a step up and full time and also mainly from home. Kids are 7, 10 and 13. Between us we could do the school drop off and pick up, but it will make some after school activities very difficult/ impossible. Will make keeping on top of everything harder.

The extra money would be great for added security but we're very lucky to be okay as we are.

There is of course no guarantee of getting the job- maybe 50/50. But I need to decide if I actually want it before putting myself through the application process.

I'm erring on not, as why make life harder? But then opportunities like it are rare, so who knows when the chance will arise again.

Collective wisdom, what should I do?

OP posts:
Sandinmyknickers · 12/06/2022 10:28

I don't think it's that hard to have two full time working parents with children those ages. In terms of after school activities, could either you or DH have some flexibility in the hours to allow for drop offs, especially if wfh? Also it shouldn't all be on you. Why does having children that are no longer babies mean a woman can't work full time but DH can?

Lex345 · 12/06/2022 10:49

If you financially don't need to, I personally wouldn't. Think about how it will affect your work life balance. I am assuming you do a little more of the house jobs because you work less hours (could be wrong!) Will DH be willing to do more to even that out if you go FT?

If working those extra hours will help you do things you otherwise wouldn't be able to do or it you need the money eg holidays/DIY/Hobbies, then I would do it.

lugeforlife · 12/06/2022 10:55

Do you want the job? The fresh challenge and responsibility? Are there any opportunities or doors it would open?

If so go for it. If it's something g you think you 'should' do but don't relish, don't

I am all about doing what gives you energy and joy.

PragmaticWench · 12/06/2022 11:00

Do you want the step up at work? My youngest is 7 and I've just gone up a grade as I was ready to focus more on work, I wanted the challenge. If you don't then don't bother.

Original poster
sparkysdream · 12/06/2022 11:36

Thanks for the replies. The crux is I don’t know if I want it! Other times I’ve gone for new jobs I have known I want them, but here I’m really not sure. It would be very much a joint effort in managing things, but will definitely be a juggle. It is absolutely do-able, it’s just whether the change in work life balance is worth the extra money at this point.

I’m not someone who desperately wants to climb career wise. I’m happy at the level am at, but do feel like I should want to move up.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparkysdream · 12/06/2022 11:39

Lex345 · 12/06/2022 10:49

If you financially don't need to, I personally wouldn't. Think about how it will affect your work life balance. I am assuming you do a little more of the house jobs because you work less hours (could be wrong!) Will DH be willing to do more to even that out if you go FT?

If working those extra hours will help you do things you otherwise wouldn't be able to do or it you need the money eg holidays/DIY/Hobbies, then I would do it.

This is where I’m at, I thin. We can afford holidays we love, but not Disney Land, Florida! I’m not sure the extra stress is worth it for a higher class of holiday 😂

OP posts:
Nappyvalley15 · 12/06/2022 12:04

I would go for it. There is a lot of financial uncertainty coming and it would be better to be bringing in more money and have better prospects.

ApplesandBunions · 12/06/2022 12:07

If you don't actually know whether you want the role and don't need to take it, I don't see any reason to bother. Would be different if it were something you were definitely interested in, but thinking you should want a job seems to me a terrible reason for applying and perhaps giving up a role you're already happy doing.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 12/06/2022 12:08

The difference between four and five days a week is far, far more than the proportion. I was full time for many years, when I went to four days it was like being reborn ( and I only had myself and DP to look after domestically).

1FootInTheRave · 12/06/2022 12:09

I was similar to you, went for it and hugely regretted it.

Ncwinc · 12/06/2022 12:09

I’d take the job. You’ve got someone working from home full time so it’s not like you’ll need wrap around care.

Lazypuppy · 12/06/2022 12:11

With those ages of kids i don't know why you wouldn't go full time

ForestFae · 12/06/2022 12:14

I wouldn’t. Theres more to life than money, time is more valuable.

MatildaTheCat · 12/06/2022 12:14

I never did. I valued having the free time more than the extra income.

babyjellyfish · 12/06/2022 12:16

Go for it.

My mum put off going back to work full time until my brother and I had both left school, by which point it was too late to get her career back on track.

snackleton · 12/06/2022 12:16

Put in for it but ask to keep your 4 days. I did this and my promotion job role was tweaked to move some of the lower level responsibilities into my old PT post, which was then backfilled as a FT role. Just be careful not to end up doing 5 days work in 4 days

rwalker · 12/06/2022 12:19

Up to you but depends if you want a career later on go for it

1VY · 12/06/2022 12:27

I’d go for it. It’s not as if you are currently using your “ free time “ for yourself, you are using it to do housework and childcare.

I assume that you took maternity leave of at least 6 months (if not a year ) for each of your 3 children and that you have been part time for years. You have taken more than enough time off work to support the family and enable your husbands career.

However your Dh is full time ( and has always been so I assume ) and I guess does a lot less with his own children. Now he works from home it’s the perfect time for him to step up, spend time with his children and support your career for a change. He can’t expect you to always be the one to make the sacrifices for him and the children.

Im sure that with a bit of thought he can work out how to get the children to and from their after school activities. Working mums do this all the time, it’s not beyond the intelligence of the average male parent.

And from your own point of view, you will have more flexibility the more senior you are . And you must MUST build your pension, which will have taken a big hit from everything you have done for your husbands career.

TeaWithFlorence · 12/06/2022 12:27

If you can afford to stay as you are, and you don't feel a burning desire to work full time then personally i wouldn't go for it. The benefits to my mental health for working part time are worth it, personally. Id only go full time if i absolutely had to.

PurpleButterflyWings · 12/06/2022 12:31

Yeah I would leave well alone and stay as you are. Unless the new job pays £350-£400 a week more (net pay,) then I wouldn't upset the applecart. JMHO.

SwedishEdith · 12/06/2022 12:35

I'd put in for it and see how you feel if you get an interview. Wfh has changed people's working lives so much that, between you, you should be able to manage the kids' stuff. But agree to see if you can be 4 days or do compressed weeks or fortnights. My only comment re 4 days is that I know people who have gone back to 5 days as felt they were doing same volume of work so thought 'Well, why shouldn't I get paid for it then?'

Jedstre · 12/06/2022 12:38

If you’re really not sure you want the job I think that will come across at interview and you might find you don’t get offered the job anyway.

You could of course go through the interview process for the experience, see how it feels (it might help you decide if you really want it). If you were offered the post then you are then in a position to potentially negotiate on hours or by then feel motivated to just go for it and work full time.

snowgirl1 · 12/06/2022 12:42

If this type of role doesn't come up for another five years, will you still be happy doing what you're currently doing in five years time?

If the more senior role is mainly from home and DH works from home, surely you can plan meetings etc. around when you need to take kids to after school activities - and just start earlier/work later to make up any time.

redskyatnight · 12/06/2022 12:54

I would do it.
the slight sticking point is the 7 year old - I suspect if they had been a year or 2 older this wouldn't be a dilemma, but they are still at the age where being around for them/clubs/playdates after school is a big deal. I do suspect in a year or 2 you will be chomping at the bit for a career opportunity and things like kids clubs etc tend to move into the evening so aren't a problem to manage.

I moved to full time when my DC where 9 and 7. In my case it was because I was made redundant so saw it as my only choice to get back in into the workplace. The DC adapted, we got into new routines and by the time my youngest was 9 the need for me being around after school had pretty much evaporated as she took herself to/from school and to friends houses anyway.

Reallybadidea · 12/06/2022 13:10

I went back to work full time when the youngest went to school. We didn't 'need' the money as such, but it has allowed us to support the kids through university without denting our lifestyle and potentially help with house deposits etc in future. It was a bit of a juggle at times, but I'm glad I did it. If you can wfh some of the time (I can't) then it should be fine I think.

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