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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hairloss and intimate relationships

11 replies

Cookaneggonyou · 11/06/2022 21:26

I'm in my early 40s and recently divorced.

I have always had fine (or to put it brutally thin hair) I got pregnant five years ago and afterwards my hairline got even thinner. I'm now going through early menopause so it doesn't really stand a chance!

I've been wearing an integrated hair system for the last couple of years which has really boosted my confidence. However I would like to try dating again and I am really really worried that it will put potential partners off. Its not detectable to the naked eye (unless you really knew what to look for) but obviously you can feel it if you touch my head/run fingers through hair.

AIBU to be so concerned? It's such a massive issue for me and I'm so embarrassed about it. I'm scared I'll be perceived as less feminine etc. because of it 😥

OP posts:
Original poster
Cookaneggonyou · 11/06/2022 22:27

Anyone??

OP posts:
CaptainTroy · 11/06/2022 22:30

I can understand why you feel like this. The right person really won’t care and will just want you, for who you are. Do not let this affect your confidence.

winewolfhowls · 11/06/2022 23:16

I too have super thin hair and it affects my confidence, I look terrible after swimming. The right person won't care but I do empathise with that you are worried!

Vikinga · 13/06/2022 13:58

My friend has very thin hair. Hasn't stopped it from having guys besotted with her. Her last boyfriend even paid for her to have expensive extensions (that was what she wanted as a birthday present, not because he suggested it).

BigFatLiar · 13/06/2022 14:06

I cam understand your concern, hair is an important visual aspect for women's self confidence. I wouldn't worry too much as if you're looking for a proper relationship then he'll need to be comfortable with the real you so you're making potential problems by using hair augmentation techniques. Be yourself and find someone who accepts you for who you are from the outset.

recoveringa · 13/06/2022 14:11

Hey - I'm in my early 30s and recently out of an almost 10 year relationship - and I think the stress of that, and a few other things that have been going on have caused my hair to really fall out - so I can completely empathise with you.

What I would say though, is that if something like this puts someone off me as a person - then they're not really someone I want to be with. Take me as I am or don't take me at all would be my motto.

I know it affects me and my confidence, and I'm trying to get back in the dating game too, so I do know what you're going through. Just remember though, that there are so many people out there who will love you for who you are - and you shouldn't have to change anything about yourself <3

BarbiesWorld · 13/06/2022 14:40

I have quite bad trichotillomania and wear full wigs at all times. Have been separated from my stbxh for a year and a half and have been "enjoying" the company of new men. Not a single one of them has been bothered. Literally, not one has had anything negative to say at all, even when it's fallen off during sex Grin

Completely understand your insecurities and honestly, I still have them too, but I'm starting to think it's one of those things that is a massive deal on a personal level but that others aren't noticing or bothered about.

Dumpedagainfml · 13/06/2022 17:06

I was listening to a really really good podcast about this last night and dating and preconcieved limitations

It was the latest episode of self love fix podcast - so interesting about how we perceive ourselves with dating (and how men and woman can be socialised differently and look for different things)

its worth a listen. And no. It wont spoil any chance obviously, good luck

Dumpedagainfml · 13/06/2022 17:07

BarbiesWorld · 13/06/2022 14:40

I have quite bad trichotillomania and wear full wigs at all times. Have been separated from my stbxh for a year and a half and have been "enjoying" the company of new men. Not a single one of them has been bothered. Literally, not one has had anything negative to say at all, even when it's fallen off during sex Grin

Completely understand your insecurities and honestly, I still have them too, but I'm starting to think it's one of those things that is a massive deal on a personal level but that others aren't noticing or bothered about.

I have trichtillomania too! ❤️❤️
not a single guy has ever
mentioned it either xx

Pinkbluebells · 10/12/2022 15:50

Just in case it's of any help, iron supplements really helped my hair grow back after I had really depleted iron stores. It definitely thinned when I was low in iron.

VladmirsPoutine · 10/12/2022 16:00

I think it depends how you present it. Some of my friends wear wigs as a matter of course, different lengths, styles, colours and change them regularly. Monday can be a straight jet black 18inch wig and by friday a short blonde bob. If you look at it as part of your wider style 'look' then you need not really present it as though your natural thin hair is a personal failing. A lot of dating comes down to confidence and as trite as it sounds fake it till you make it.

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